Welcome frosh:
leam the 10 rules
of being a duck
Jesse Thomas
Go the distance
Ah yes, the glory days of being a
freshman. I remember them as if they
were yesterday. Wait, actually, I don't,
because that was three years ago.
And as you will soon learn, dear
freshmen, nights consist of staying up
until 2 a.m. on AOL Instant Messen
ger along with plenty of drunkenness
and debauchery to accompany it.
You will miss your mommy and
daddy at first. It's OK, it happens to
everyone. But then you may possibly
realize, as in my case, that your RA is
damn good-looking and the pain of
being away from home leaves.
If you live in Bean or Walton com
plex, try and get comfy, cause the
rooms aren't much bigger than a walk
in doset. You will whine and cry about
them for nine months, and in two years
you will realize some of your best col
lege experiences happened there.
Trying to fit another person in what
they term a bed, bringing a keg into
your room, smoking without getting
caught and not literally killing your
new roommate are all challenges I en
courage you to conquer.
Two more things before I lay down
the rules at Oregon.
First, chances are your boyfriend or
girlfriend will become your ex by
Thanksgiving. Because as soon as you
get here, it's not hard to realize the
abundance of beauty.
Second, the nightmare known as
the "freshman 15" is for real. It mildly
happened to me and probably will to
you as well. Treat your body as you
wish, but remember, for some it's
known as the "freshman 30." Just
trust me on this one.
Now for the 10 Commandments of
being a freshman at Oregon:
1) Sadly, we can't haze you, unless
it's done in secret.
2) Don't take all my football tick
ets. Make up a system where you and
your dorm buddies are each able to
attend ONE home game. Because I've
been here for three years and should
n't have to wake up at 3 a m. to wait
in the line in the rain anymore. You
will understand what I mean when
you're my age.
3) Don't go to the Rec Center un
less you actually plan to work out. All
the male ffosh go there in wife beat
ers to try and pick up on girls. Go do
that at Starbucks or in BA 101, but
don't take away my machines.
4) Don't strut around like you're
the big man on campus. You're not.
5) When attending your one allo
cated football game, wear some Duck
gear and show some spirit. It's not a
fashion show.
6) Feel free to drink before your
one football game, but if you get too
obnoxious, you're going to piss off
the upperclassmen. And if you sit
down, even once, you deserve to
be pounded.
7) Learn the "Stick it in! Stick it in!
Ooh!" cheer, and enjoy it.
8) Don't bitch about not getting
into billiards or yoga or trampoline
class, because you're last in line and
they fill up fast.
9) Remember the teacher who
told you there is no such thing as a
stupid question? Well, there is. So
don't ask them, because you waste
my time.
10) Read the Emerald sports sec
tion. Because we tmly have nothing
but love for all of you who don't
know much about the Ducks yet.
Contact the sports reporter
at jessethomas@dailyemerald.com.
His opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
Sorority Recruitmentl
October 3rd - 8th
Orientation begins
October 3rd at 5pm
in Columbia 1 50.
Fraternity Recruitment
October 3rd - 8th
Recruitment begins at
, Splash Waterpark
Transportation provided,
meet Oct 3rd, 9pm, at
the Greek Life Office.
Be a part of the largest student group on campus.
o
UNIVERSITY
OF OREGON
Get Involved!
Friendship - Leadership
Scholarship - Community Service
For info and to register go to: http://greeklife.uoregon.edu
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