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Thursday, August 7, 2003
Oregon Daily Emerald
COMMENTARY
Editor in Chief:
Brad Schmidt
Managing Editor:
Ian Tobias Montry
EDITORIAL
Candidacies
Terminate
sane politics
Politics these days are a journey into the absurd. And
nothing can prove it better than when television person
alities and action movie stars start eyeing offices in the
U.S. government.
Much to the chagrin of anybody still taking the bureau
cracy seriously, resident strongman Arnold Schwarzeneg
ger announced Wednesday his intention to run for gover
nor of California in the upcoming recall election.
The broadcast media chased the story like it was the
apocalypse, and Schwarzenegger delivered the goods in his
choppy but ruggedly eloquent style. The anticipation rock
eted toward the end of his speech, however, as giddy jour
nalists everywhere wondered: "Will he say it? I wonder if
he'll say it? I bet he's gonna say it! *
He said it: "I'll be back." Then he gave a thumbs up
and a grin.
Suddenly, these three simple words squashed all hope
for mankind. What's next? How about the campaign slo
gan, "Vote for me or I will Terminate you." Don't worry,
you can say it Ah-nold style.
But the day included more than Arnold's much-awaited
announcement, first made during the filming of Wednes
day's “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Infamous insti
gator Jerry Springer also announced whether he will run
for the U.S. Senate, a topic of discussion we hoped had
died long ago. We were wrong.
His answer? Not if he can't keep bringing chain saw
nuns to meet their secret lovers on his nationally-televised
show. Despite Springer's insistence that he just wants to
help people, he apparently felt that letting an audience of
unqualified elitists degrade less-fortunate people would let
him more effectively do that than holding an esteemed of
fice in the government and serving hundreds of millions
of constituents.
Springer — the former mayor of Cincinnati who re
signed after being caught paying for a prostitute's services
— also said that during his time of tenderly poking his toes
to test the political waters, he found the general public in
Ohio couldn't take his message seriously if he kept letting
Black Panthers have it out with Ku Klux Klan members
while a raucous crowd cheered him on.
11mm... We would have never guessed.
Possibly the most unlikely candidate to announce his
intention to run, however, is porn king Larry Flynt, who
publishes "Hustler" and "Barely Legal" magazines. During
his announcement Monday, Flynt suggested that his slo
gan be ' Vote for a Smut-Peddler Who Cares."
At least he's honest. But while any true defenders of the
First Amendment hold Flynt in high regard, he may not be
the ideal spokesman for an entire state given the small
matter of his entire empire being built by exposing naked
female bodies to the masses.
The influx of candidates that only the most gullible
Americans will take seriously could be a sign of decay
ing American politics, or it could simply be America's in
creasing reliance on entertainment for answers to the ills
of society.
After all, if Schwarzenegger can fight to the death
(twice) to keep the world from being destroyed by killer
robots, then he must be fit to run the most populated
state in the union.
And, hell, if Springer can find the only person in exis
tence who is both a mother and a grandfather and exploit
them, then obviously he has the clout and ability to vote
on key social issues.
EDITORIAL POLICY
This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald
editorial board. Responses can be sent to letters
@dai|yemerald.com. Letters to the editor and guest
commentaries are encouraged. Letters are limited to
250 words and guest commentaries to 550 words.
Authors are limited to one submission per calendar
month. Submission must include phone number and
address for verification. The Emerald reserves the right
to edit for space, grammar and style.
Peter Utsey for the Emerald
Defense projects are 'disturbing'
What is most disturbing about the re
cent information gathering and analysis
projects of the Defense Advanced Research
Projects Agency is not the possibility of
grossly invading privacy or compromising
civil liberties. The Total Information
Awareness Program — now conveniently
referred to by the Department of Defense
as the Terrorism Information Program in
order to dispel
any misconcep
tions about the Up KZ.*5S* I
aim of the pro COMMENTARY
gram — and the __
recent proposal
of including "terrorism futures" in the
market are frightening because they reveal
a fundamental inability for government
agencies to develop a legitimate plan for
protecting United States citizens from ter
rorism.
Certainly, the idea of monitoring finan
cial transactions in order to gain greater ac
cess to "insider" knowledge about terror
ist threats and regime changes is a
wonderful academic exercise in consider
ing a possible application of game theory
to predicting real-world events. Similarly,
monitoring suspicious financial transac
tions through TIA (feel free to choose its
true moniker) to improve investigation ef
fiaency is dearly not a ludicrous concept.
My confusion, due perhaps to my in
experience with complex systems analy
sis, lies in interpreting the predicative
power of systems that have become pub
lic knowledge and monitor deviations
from the status quo. For, certainly, terror
ists that are savvy enough to learn how to
fly airplanes are most likely also capable
of masking aberrant financial transac
tions and/or manipulating financial
markets. In the latter case, the fact that
participants in the proposed terrorism
futures market would have had their
identities protected implied that inspir
ing fear by mastering marketing strate
gies would not only be easier — it would
also be profitable! Plus, should we really
trust the Department of Defense to mon
itor everyone's finances when it has
failed to properly account for the paltry
sum of, oh, several billion dollars?
And, while I don't pretend to suggest
that profitability is a factor that national
leaders consider in pioneering defense
research, there certainly is more than a
little likelihood that creating computer
programs to monitor such dynamic data
bases and multiple languages might cre
ate a little demand. Similarly, it might be
ever so slightly possible for members
close to the intelligence community to
have conflicts of interest. Then again, 1
might be mistaking altruism for good
old American capitalism.
Still, what is most disgusting about
both proposals is not their potential for
abuse or misuse but rather the lack of
foresight and consideration that should
be present in the agendas of the nation's
elite defense strategists. Should any
member of the Department of Defense
consider implementing more realistic
programs to ensure the safety of Ameri
cans, perhaps they will consider encour
aging investment in the increasing num
ber of impoverished Americans (who,
according to detailed character profiles,
are most likely to become future terror
ists, remember?). Or, perhaps, they
might suggest getting to know our neigh
bors and sponsor community potlucks.
God forbid a little friendly cooperation
should induce flashbacks of the Cold
War communists.
Thank god for Senator Ron Wyden, D
Ore., and his refusal to let reality disappear
behind the cap and gown of overly aca
demic analysts.
Ryan Ziois is a graduate student
studying journalism.
UO should review East Campus policy
Thanks to the Eugene Weekly for shed
ding some light on the disgusting policies
the University is now enforcing as part of
its new East Campus development plan.
The twelve blocks of University-owned
student family housing is now not al
lowed flower
GUEST
COMMENTARY
pots, bikes, toys
or garage sales in
their yards and
could be subject
to eviction. An
other policy in the new East Campus de
velopment plan disallows yard art. New
rules against yard art are likely included in
this new plan because the 70 home re
movals the plan facilitates are likely to
bring a strong reaction from residents of
the homes — like big signs against the
University posted in their yards.
When acres of the Amazon low-income
historic housing were targeted for demoli
tion in the 1980s, residents challenged the
University with huge yard signs, a rent
strike, and successfully had their neigh
borhood added to the historic national
register. Elderly residents were dragged
from their neighborhoods and jailed
while peacefully standing up against the
University tearing down their neighbor
hood. University top brass responded by
dozing the whole area and paying the re
lated fines. The same administrators are
still involved and the desired goal is to get
the low-income families off the East Cam
pus land as soon as possible.
In the past, East Campus housing has
been affordable; however, in the last two
years rents have nearly doubled and long
waiting lists still exist as empty, unused
homes continue to be boarded up. The
new East Campus development policy
has residential home removals and 35
conversions to offices, which will re
move the scourge of low-income fami
lies and will create space for the Univer
sity's latest get-rich-quick scheme to fund
stadiums — turning it into a nanotech
nology campus.
Zachary Vishanoff lives in Eugene.