Commentary
IMow what the hell am I supposed to do with my life?
Ah, hell. That dreaded time has
finally come.
Graduating from college is going to be
one of the sad
dest days of my
life. College was
always a forlorn
dream far off in
the future —
something my
family never did,
something I fig
ured I’d never
experience. All I
could picture
from stories I’d
heard was a per- The Merry
feet mix of par- Pessimist
ties, lack of
parental supervision and classes I sign
up for only if I want to.
Well, it turns out I actually made it to
college—and found it to be all this and
much, much more.
Where else is a wardrobe composed
entirely of ratty jeans and hooded sweat
shirts not only accepted, but almost re
quired? Where else would I find a circle
of friends who not only make every ef
fort to party, but also want to talk about
philosophy and literature and politics
while smokin’ and drinkin’ it up? And
just where else is there not only always
something to do, but coundess ways to
spend the weekend with no fewer than
100 of your closest acquaintances and
very little money?
Now that my life as a college student
is ending, I feel as if there’s nothing left
to be excited about. I spent the better
part my childhood looking ahead to
these glorious days. Just what do I have
to look forward to now?
Don’t worry, I’ll be all right. I’m slow
ly coming to terms with breaking out of
my liberal college campus bubble be
fore it pops, given that I have no
choice. I kept thinking if I stayed here
long enough, I’d get sick of campus —
but no. Xfter five years, I’ve only grown
more attached.
It’s time to wean myself — and
time to impart my wisdom unto
young and impressionable minds. It’s
far too late for me, but there’s still
time for all of you to make the most of
your college experiences.
First and foremost, get out more.
My biggest regret is turning down the
offers to get coffee or study or get a
drink, all because I was too busy or
too tired. To all the friends I haven’t
seen in months or even years, I
haven’t forgotten you.
Secondly, stop going to class. OK,
maybe I’m not the best person to give
that sort of advice, given that I sel
dom set foot in the classroom. But
most of what I’ve learned has come
from working with crazy people and
reading lots of interesting stuff (yes,
even course textbooks).
My third, and ultimately most im
portant, piece of advice is... have some
compassion! While many of you are
the friendly, genuine, energetic people
on campus I’ve come to know and love,
countless others of you exhibit severe
personality flaws. For example, if some
one holds the door for you, how about
mustering up a smile or a nod, or at
least making eye contact?
Also, perhaps you could consider
not dropping the door in somebody’s
face and not stopping in the middle of
the doorway to answer your cell
phone. And although it’s clearly a rule
that pretty girls travel in herds, do you
think — and I know it’s a lot to ask —
but do you think you could step aside
just a smidgen to share the sidewalks
and stairwells with the other 17,000
students on campus? Just a thought.
Of course, I’d like to convey my
appreciation to all those who’ve
been there along the way. Thanks to
family, friends and roommates, for
putting up with me. Thanks to the
state and federal governments, for
putting me through school. And
thanks to Mikey, for putting me in
charge of his paper and teaching me
Farewell to hippies, crappy housing,
noteworthy journalism professors
I hate hippies.
There, I’ve said it. After three
years of attending this tree-hugging
mecca, I’m finally graduating from
the University. As a reporter and ed
itor these last two years at the
Emerald, I’ve
had to smile
and nod as
patchouli
drenched
peace protest
ers rambled on
about how
Bush is a Nazi
and America is
a fascist state.
With this
bias in mind, it
seems quite fitting that I’m headed
off to Klamath Falls for my first re
porting job. I guess if I hate hippies, I
should fit in just fine with big flags
and pickup trucks.
Brook
Re in hard
At least I’ll be free of my 10-by-10
prison known as an “apartment.”
Word to the wise: Never, ever, rent a
property from Von Klein Property
Management. They have built an em
pire on the backs of piss-poor college
kids and foreigners who think $900 is a
great price for a ‘'three-bedroom” that
really has only two.
Do Von Klein receptionists train at
the “bitter housewife” school of man
agement? They sure have an ax to
grind with dirt-poor college students.
Oh, and are you used to recycling those
milk cartons and pizza boxes? You can
just forget it if you live in a Von Klein
dungeon. My almighty overlords just
don’t see fit to provide such services.
The one thing good about my apart
ment: It’s close to the University and
the Emerald, where I spend most of
my day swearing and drinking firewa
ter out of my bottom desk drawer.
With the exception of a few notewor
thy teachers in the J-school, I’ve
learned far more at the Emerald than
in any journalism class.
To those of you still in the journal
ism school: Take a class with Dean
Rea! Better yet, take two classes. He
may be turning 150 next week, but he
can still turn wimpy undergrads into
hard-boiled newshounds. Scott Maier
is pretty good, too. But he’d make a
more convincing power journalist with
a mustache—Grow it back, Scott!
Oh, and Kellee Weinhold: I am sorry
you are leaving. You were my favorite
teacher, despite that time you gave me
an “F” in Info Hell for turning in my 80
page paper 35 minutes past the dead
line (then turned the grade into a “D,”
just so you wouldn’t have to deal with
me for another term.)
Now, a shameless plug and a thank
you: Check out my Web site! It’s
onemorewriter.com, and full of
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liable at the l () liookst
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much of what I know.
If there’s one thing graduating
will teach me, it’s to live for the
present, not the future. And, of
course, if you don’t expect much,
you’ll never be disappointed.
r
The 2002-03 managing editor
can now be reached only
atjessicaricheIderfer@hotmail.com.
Beware — she is still suffering from
violent withdrawals. Her views
do not necessarily represent
those of the Emerald.
1
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