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Final thoughts: take ‘em or leave 'em
Dear Read
ers: When I
was hired as
the Oregon
Daily Emer
ald’s advice
columnist last
May, my first
thought was,
“They want
me to give
other people
advice? I can
barely get my
own life to
gether!”
Natasha
Chilingerian
Ask Nat
But after reviewing questions
and pondering the dramas of
strangers, I noticed that being an
outsider helped me gain a logical
perspective on situations and solve
problems with ease. So conve
niently, I have become wiser and
gained enlightenment on some of
my own dilemmas (what a nice
perk)! Here are five lessons I
learned this year, and with luck
you can make use of them, too.
1. Don’t live anywhere that
makes you miserable. I regretfully
admit I am a two-year veteran of
the residence halls. In December, I
couldn’t take the claustrophobia
anymore, so I scoured the classi
fieds for an apartment. Suddenly, I
remembered I couldn’t get out of
my housing contract. I’ve been
stuck avoiding my “home” and
counting the days. So think hard
about how happy you will be in a
living situation of choice before
signing a lease or contract.
2. Girls, ditch Bride’s maga
zine. Sure, there are a few en
gaged couples on campus, which
proves some men aren’t terrified
of commitment. And that’s great!
(And it’s a freak of nature.) I have
learned that nine out of 10 times,
a college-age male will run for
miles if his girlfriend is even
thinking about the m-word. So
ladies, if you’re one of the many
without an engagement ring, put
off deciding the color of your
bridesmaids’ flowers and do some
career planning.
3. Choose midnight margaritas
over zzz's once in a while. I used
to be a sleep-craving early bird. In
college, I’ve learned that my body
can perform on little sleep, and it’s
really not so bad. And, unsurpris
ingly, some of my most treasured
memories took place after the sun
set. Unless you have a huge job in
terview or exam in the a.m., don’t
be shy about making the most of
the after-hours.
4. Not president of (fill in the
blank)? So what? When I went
back to my old high school to see
the spring musical, I thought,
“Wow, I’ve never had the lead in
a musical; I was just in the cho
rus. I wasn’t the star of the dance
team either, I was only a member.
And now at college, what kind of
star quality do I have here?”
Well, I’m in school — doing well
— and I write for the newspaper,
both of which I am very proud. In
stead of comparing your achieve
ments with others, see how your
accomplishments rank in the
scheme of your own life and pat
yourself on the back.
5. If you’re not a clone of your
parents, you’re normal. For a
large chunk of time, I listened to
everything my parents said as
gospel. Then I realized maybe
their lectures were only opinions.
Your parents are just people with
varying views on life, and disagree
ing with them on politics, religion
and/or morality is OK. You may
feel a little guilty at first, but re
member, going with your gut and
leading a life of personal happiness
is most important.
So there you have it — five final
thoughts to finish out the year. I
honestly feel my advice has
evolved to be smarter and keener
than ever before, but I’ll let you be
the judge. Take it or leave it — it’s
up to you.
Contact the columnist at
natashachilingerian@dailyemerald.com.
Her views do not necessarily represent
those of the Emerald.
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Grad ceremonies
should include hits
like ‘Life of Pain ’
The graduation
song is a fine tra
dition as old as
our hallowed ed
ucational institu
tions. What grad
uation — what
final step into the
public world and
the start of a new
— would be com- Budget rack
plete without
Green Day’s “Good Riddance
(Time of Your Life)”? Nary a one, I
would say.
But with recent budget cuts, it is
possible this sacred musical
farewell could be forgotten. So I
have made it my task, nay my
duty, to make sure the University
does not forget the honor and ne
cessity of this tradition.
To that end, I offer some fine
musical fare that this University,
as well as any other educational
institution, can use for its gradua
tion ceremonies. These songs, as
well as others, are available at rea
sonable prices — plus shipping
and handling. You might say this
sounds like I am profiting from the
recent budget cuts causing so
many problems for the education
al system. To this cynical and
wrong-minded thinking, I say
shame, and how dare you criticize
such a fine American tradition,
fully in line with the capitalist
spirit? And now the songs.
The classics are always appro
priate in these situations, so why
not choose an old pop ballad for
your graduation? One of my fa
vorites is that old Burt Bacharach
hit, “I Just Don’t Know What to Do
With Myself.” Considering the dif
ficulty graduates have finding em
life for a genera
tion of students
ployment these days, this song will
speak to many.
And what better describes the
emotions felt by former students
about to enter the “real world”
than that Mark Dinning-penned
classic “Teen Angel,” a song about
a young woman who gets trapped
in a stalled car on the railroad
tracks and is killed by an oncom
ing freight train? It’s a powerful
metaphor. Also, how about the
Bobby Bare country standard,
“Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the
Goal Post of Life”?
But often the classics just don’t
speak to today’s youth, and more
modern selections might be in or
der. For those about to enter the
corporate world, I would suggest
that great Tool song “Prison Sex.” I
think the title says it all.
Or how about some classic jazz
for graduation, like Thelonious
Monk’s “Just a Gigolo”? And who
wouldn’t want that great Black Flag
song “Life of Pain” playing as they
walk up to the podium?
In order to increase the diversi
ty of graduation song selections,
I’ve even penned a few songs of my
own for the occasion. I think my
“Graduation Blues” ought to fit the
bill for many colleges, with lines
such as “I ain’t got no job / My girl
friend left me too / The feds confis
cated my bong / And my student
loan payments are due.” I’ve also
penned a sure-fire country hit,
“My Dog Ate My Thesis and was
Hit by a Truck.”
These and other fine songs are
available for your graduation at
competitive prices. Purchase one,
and help keep this tradition alive.
Contact the Pulse Columnist
at ryannyburg@dailyemerald.com.
His opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
y/e*/ y/e#/ fm. y/e*/ esperipjcz.
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