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Email: editor@dailyemeraId.com
Online Edition:
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Thursday, Month 22,2003
-OregonDaily Emerald
Commentary
Editor in Chief:
Michael J. Kleckner
Managing Editor
Jessica Kichelderfer
Editorial Page Assistant
Salena De La Cruz
Mr. Ashcroft’s
wild ride
Last Friday, two glass blowers
pleaded guilty to federal charges aris
ing out of Operation Pipe Dreams.
You remember, that was the brilliant
scheme from our own attorney gen
eral’s office to round up peddlers of
drug paraphernalia in a huge, nation
wide raid back in February.
The two were arrested because
they sold their glass pipes, which
were clearly labeled for tobacco
smoking or in
Jessica
Cole
Hodgkinson
Huh? What?
Really?
cense burning,
to people on
the Internet.
According to
the feds, the
pipes actually
had an illegal
primary * pur
pose — drug use — and hey, every
schoolchild out there since Nancy
Reagan’s reign knows our govern
ment’s stance on drug use.
I spent some time pondering this
logic and have decided that Ashcroft
and Co. really have some work to do.
I propose they raid the following
businesses:
• Albertson’s (and other grocery
stores)
Purely out of curiosity, I assure
you, I checked behind their tobacco
counter and discovered — naturally,
to my shock and dismay — that they
actually sell rolling papers at the gro
cery store. Now, it may be possible to
roll your own tobacco cigarettes with
them, but how many people actual
ly do that?
No, I’m pretty sure those rolling pa
pers are being sold for primarily nefar
ious deeds involving deep inhalation
and breath-holding. Time to round up
the supermarket execs and allow
them to decide if they want to face a
possible three-year prison sentence or
a #250,000 fine or just plead guilty
and hope to negotiate leniency.
• Peace Health (and other hospi
tals) along with Hiron’s (and other
pharmacies)
If we’re going to curtail drug use, it
only makes sense to take on a place
whose primary purpose is to dissem
inate drugs, right? Think about it:
Not only do they actually distribute
controlled substances at these loca
tions, but just any old person claim
ing to be a diabetic can stroll up and
buy syringes.
And everyone knows that syringes
and heroin users go hand-in-hand. I
can’t imagine how this situation has
been allowed to go on this long.
Gome to think of it, I wonder if we
could bust diabetics on possession of
drug paraphernalia charges. That
might tick off a few white-haired
ladies and gents, but hey, don’t they
know there’s a war on?
• Joe Romania’s (and all the other
the auto dealerships)
I thought some more about the
theory behind the arrests, and I’ve
decided that they really didn’t go far
enough in addressing the burden the
irresponsible behavior of others
places on society.
Think about this: It would be im
possible to drink and drive if you
have nothing to drive. Therefore, in
an effort to head off drunken-driving
fatalities, driving-under-the-influ
ence-of-intoxicants arrests, and bad
parallel parking jobs, it is obvious
that Ashcroft and Go. need to shut
down the source of DUII parapher
nalia as well.
• McDonald’s (and other fast food
chains)
Let’s look at the words of our own
ANYONE ELSE WANNA
MESS WITH THE MORAL
AUTHORITY?!!
Surgeon General Richard Carmona,
“When you look at obesity, what I call
the terror within, a threat that is every
bit as real to America as the weapons
of mass destruction, obesity as an epi
demic is ... growing. If we don’t do
anything about it, we will have a mor
bidly obese, dysfunctional population
that we cannot afford to care for be
cause obesity leads to diabetes, can
cer, hypertension, (and) other cardio
vascular diseases.”
If obesity is the terror within, I
think it’s time we treat it like our
other War on Terror efforts. I want to
see the Office of Homefront Waist
zujy
line Reduction, with the requisite
cabinet-level head and a multi-bazil
lion dollar annual budget.
We need to develop a plan to seek
out and destroy purveyors of fast
food, cookies, cheesecake and any
thing else that is likely to encourage
us to exceed our daily caloric limit.
I’m thinking Operation Thunder
Thighs has a nice ring to it. I wonder
if Ben and Jerry would cop a plea
rather than face three years in the
slammer?
As I sit here, I can think of at least
a half-dozen other places that need
a good raid — not to mention a lot of
Peter Utsey Emerald
folks who deserve to be fingerprint
ed, stripped and body-cavity
searched -— in order to save oiir fel
low countrymen from the results of
their own folly.
So I say “Bravo!” to Ashcroft and
Go., and all others who are striving
to remove the burden of personal
responsibility from our shoulders. I
was getting tired of lugging all that
weight around, weren’t you?
Contact the columnist at jessicacole
hodgkinson@dailyemerald.com.
Her views do not necessarily represent
those of the Emerald.
Homophobia won’t stop as from living oatproad lives
Guest commentary
After reading “Homosexual men should hide
their disgusting acts” (ODE, May 9), I am just dy
ing on the inside at the plight of the conservative
folks on my campus. These people are truly an
oppressed group. They have all the entidement
and privilege in the world to say things like, “I do
not flat out hate the gay community, but I openly
oppose them.”
The conservative-identified person on campus
must live a completely compromised life because
they are missing out on all the hate I’ve experi
enced as a queer-identified person. What really
gets me is that conservatives will never have the
opportunity that I have had as a queer person to
be the victim of a hate crime based on their sexu
al orientation. Truly, if I were to name anyone as
socially disadvantaged on campus, I would look
no further than the conservative folks.
Before coming to Eugene, I went to high school
in the South, and some of my best friends were
these “conservatives.” As an impressionable
young person completely unable to separate my
opinions and ideas from those around me, I was
made to think a number of things about myself. I
could never decide for myself as a woman as to
whether or not I could carry a baby to term, and I
was made to believe that I was morally indecent
for being queer.
My insides are torn that there are now im
pressionable, fully cognizant adults on campus
choking down the liberal agenda. I remember
living in the South as a political minority and
every day living the torment of having to think
through new opinions and opportunities to
learn more about my political views by engag
ing in conversations with people who disagree
with me.
I miss the days when I was surrounded by my
conservative friends. I was always appreciative
to have them judge my lifestyle and dictate to
me how I should live and who I should be in
love with. Luckily, I have found solace in the
rantings of Vincent Martorano.
I, just as strongly as Martorano, long for the
days that gays opted to be in the closet. As a queer
person, all those times when I felt like killing my
self for not loving the right person while I was
wedged in my closet surely were some of the
fondest days of my entire life. I am definitely su
per sad that I am OK with who I am and even
more devastated that I couldn’t conform to soci
ety’s model of who I should be.
Martorano needs to understand that he does
n’t get to decide whether or not queer folks are
OK. When he is finding himself drooling in “dis
gust” over “an absolutely disturbing display of
queer boys enjoying each other,” he should
keep in mind that he is probably not the epito
me of erotica when he’s making out with his
preferred gender.
He should also know that not a single one of
my queer friends is going to be forced back into
the closet by articles like his. He should expect
that he has in fact stimulated us queer folks to
take up more space and be more openly proud of
who we are. Expect to see more of us.
Cathlene E. McGraw is a journalism major and a
volunteer with the LGBTQA.
Letters to the editor
Jews mustn’t be seen
as having one opinion
George Beres makes an excellent yet flawed
point in his guest commentary (“Unthinking
antagonism can hurt Jewish cause,” ODE, May
16). Yes, the longtime American Jewish support
of Israel has been claimed as the cause of many
of the recent outbreaks of anti-Semitism, but it
is the persistence of those like Beres who insist
upon making over-generalizations (such as, all
Jews blindly support Israel) that makes such a
state necessary.
My own feelings toward Israel as an Amer
ican Jew are complex; I find comfort in its
existence, yet distaste at many of its ac
tions. I feel compassion for the Palestinians,
yet horror at the terror inflicted by a minor
ity. I could not possibly hope to explain the
complexity of my beliefs and the beliefs of
many other Jews in a letter, much less a 20
page paper, but Beres has crystallized the
reasons why we need a Jewish state.
While he claims enlightenment, Beres is will
ing to look beyond the varied ideologies, races,
ethnicities and political beliefs of the American
Jewish population and instead see us as a single
monotone voice. To lump a complex population
based solely on religious affiliation into a single
ideology is just as dangerous as proclaiming
that all Muslims are terrorists, that all Ameri
cans are war-mongers, that all Germans are
Holocaust deniers, that all Gypsies are thieves,
or that all Jews are money-lending swindlers.
You may believe in the Holocaust, Beres, but
you sure haven’t learned any of the lessons.
Steven Neuman
sophomore
journalism and political science
Students for Choice looks
for members
Under the United States Constitution,
America citizens are awarded a plethora of
inalienable rights. It is the mission of Stu
dents for Choice to maintain these rights for
women and their partners while educating
the University on healthy lifestyles and safe
sex practices.
This campus group is an active part of the
University and community, sponsoring
choice events, capitol lobbying opportuni
ties and an open forum for members and
guests. If you support responsible, healthy
and informed sexual choices, please attend
our meetings every Wednesday at 5 p.m. in
the Century Room B. For more information,
write s4choice@gladstone. uoregon. edu.
Sarah A. Koski
sophomore
political science/international studies