Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012, May 09, 2003, Page 11B, Image 23

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    Couples weigh advantages,
costs of living in one home
Some student couples find
cohabitation beneficial, while
others warn of potential pitfalls
Tynan DeLong
Freelance Reporter
Cohabitation. The word alone might
send couples into pre-marital paranoia.
Minds race frantically with the idea of
seeing the same face every waking mo
ment. Those accustomed to Texas
sized space bubbles recoil at the utter
ance of “the next step.” Yet, year after
year, couples make the decision to live
together — and reportedly 30 to 40
percent of college students do also, ac
cording to a study by author Roland
Johnson, III.
Whether it means a lifetime together
or a nine-month lease that feels like a
lifetime, this turning point decides the
fate of many young couples. Careful
planning may help couples decide if
moving in together is the best idea.
Graduated senior Clay Carter said he
enjoys the benefits of cohabitation.
“You’re in close proximity, and you
see them every night,” Carter said. “As
long as you get along, it’s nice if you
have a busy schedule.”
For some students, it may be a mat
ter of convenience.
“If it’s an issue of having two houses,
you might as well condense,” said
graduated senior Mark Zillmann,
who said he and his girlfriend were al
ways together, even when they were
living apart.
“But, it’s up to the individuals —
whether it suits the relationship or
not,” he added.
Not all students have good experi
ences living with their significant
others.
Lane Community College junior
William Kistler said his first live-in ex
perience had adverse effects on his
own personal life, and it hampered the
relationship’s progress.
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I
was so naive,” Kistler said. “Moving in
together caused me to suppress the be
havior I enjoyed when I was alone, and
consequentially, it caused our relation
ship to fall apart.”
If the relationship fails, the friend
ship can often become a complementa
ry casualty.
Eugene resident Ross Topel, wary of
cohabitation’s pitfalls, said he decided
against the big leap.
"! didn't realize it at the
time, but I was so naive.
Moving in together
caused me to suppress
the behavior I enjoyed
when I was alone, and
consequentially, it caused
our relationship to fall
apart."
William Kistler
Lane Community College
junior
“I didn’t do it because one of two
things were going to happen,” Topel
said. *One, I would never hang out
with or see her again because living to
gether often does that, and two, it
would screw up our friendship.”
Kistler said he had those exact kinds
of problems.
“I got out of the situation the minute
the lease broke,” Kistler said. “I totally
departed from our relationship, and we
didn’t speak for six months.”
Many blame a lack of space as the
point of contention for most live-in
relationships. For those accustomed
to living alone, inviting another to
share the space can lead to unmanage
able circumstances.
“It wears a couple down,” junior
Ashley Patterson said. “Sharing the
same space all the time doesn’t leave
much room to breathe.”
Topel agreed.
“You need to have your own personal
space,” Topel said. “When you’re living
with someone, that person is invading
your habitat, and it can be disastrous.”
For those living together, however,
finding a balance can be key to a
healthy living situation.
“Each person needs to have their
own space,” Garter said. “It’s easy to
get bogged down when you don’t allow
time to yourself.”
Zillmann has similar sentiment.
“She does her thing, I do mine,” Zill
mann said. “You need to have two dif
ferent lives.”
Despite the drawbacks, the number
of couples cohabiting increases each
year. But, some studies also show
those who live together prior to mar
riage have higher levels of dissolution
in their relationships. The study by
Johnson claims “only one couple in
five who cohabitate ever ends up get
ting married.”
“At all costs, people should avoid liv
ing as a couple until you’re married,”
Kistler said. “I think it’s self-destructive
to domesticate prematurely and hon
estly, I won’t be living with another girl
until I get married. But if you’re going
to do it, think about it first.”
Tynan DeLong is freelance writer
for the Emerald.
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