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-Oregon Daily Emerald
Commentary
Editor in Chief:
Michael J. Kleckner
Managing Editor:
Jessica Richelderfer
Editorial Page Assistant:
Salena De La Cruz
Thursday, May 8,2003
New meanings for acronyms
If there is one thing I know for sure
about the new millennium, it’s that a
concept can’t exist unless it’s been
given a clever acronym. In fact, the
rule may be that if you can’t text mes
sage it across a cell phone, there’s no
point in discussing it.
For instance, when my boss mes
sages me with the keyword SMOT, I
know that it may mean “See Me On
This,” but of course, it could also be a
reference to Sabres and Magnas of
Oklahoma and Texas, a notorious
motorcycle club. This creates a
dilemma: when my cell phone goes
off on a “SMOT SMOT!!” tangent, I
am never quite sure whether to con
tact my boss or don leather attire and
find a hog.
My boss isn’t
the only one
given to using
clever
acronyms in
place of actual
words. White
house spin-doctors have figured out
the power of the acronym as well. Pri
or to our little matinee invasion of an
unpopular sovereign nation, I was sil
ly enough to think that WMD meant
Waste Management Division (which
seems curiously appropriate title for
this administration), or perhaps
Waiver of Monthly Deductions — the
folks on Capitol Hill do tend to like
their deductions. (As an aside, the
SMOTs suggested it might be the
White Muscle Disease, but I have an
inherent mistrust of anyone with
that many bugs in their teeth.)
Eventually, with the help of CNN
(my Certified Nephrology Nurse), I
began to understand that WMDs are
Weapons of Mass Destruction. How
ever, it may be that this particular
acronym is inadequate, and rumor
has it that White House spin doctors
are contemplating their options in
the event that WMDs are not found
in Iraq (after all, the absence of
Jessica Cole
Hodgkinson
Huh? What? Really.
Waste Management Divisions in
Iraq would certainly explain the un
rest of its citizens).
One option is to start referring to
the WMDKs (Weapons of Mass De
struction,.. Kinda). But this could
cause mass confusion. Tech-sawy
folks will note that WMDK is current
ly being used to describe the Win
dows Media Development Kit. Now,
no matter how flawed, WDMK does
n't quite justify invasion of Microsoft
Corporate Headquarters (though,
perhaps just a wee surgical air strike?
I wouldn’t mind seeing Bill Gates
shocked and awed).
In the likely event that Microsoft
can establish that they had WMDK
first—and after all, they’ve cornered
the market on everything else — the
spin doctors may invoke WMDP
(Weapons of Mass Destruction go
Poof!) to describe how the WMDs
that necessitated the invasion have
magically disappeared from Baghdad
(which now stands for Bad-Assed,
Greedy Hussein Departed And -
maybe - Died). Of course, this might
be a bit confusing as WMDP is also
shorthand for World’s Most Danger
ous Places, but hey, searching for
WMDs in WMDPs was bound to lead
to trouble anyway.
Now, my horse — a knee-jerk re
actionary if there ever was one —
lives in perpetual fear of WMDs
(Whatever May be Dangerous). Her
paranoia is usually aimed at the rene
gade bovines that she is certain lurk
in their fields, laughing at her behind
their cud, and plotting her demise.
After all, everyone knows bovines
have a deep-seated hatred for
equines based on their ancient reli
gious differences.
Brogan is convinced that any sec
ond now, the evil bovine empire will
rise up and strike a blow that will wipe
equines off the face of the earth. Her
solution: Avoid them. Of course, I’ve
explained to her that that is just plain
Steve Baggs Emerald
un-American and possibly treasonous.
When I mentioned Brogan’s con
cerns to a red-white-and-blue
through-and-through friend of mine,
he explained that there is really only
one way to deal with her fear:
Step 1. Find a place that has a
high-density of the suspect bovines
that no one will miss much (Ohio
was the suggested target).
Step 2. Invade.
Step 3. Take anyone not willing to
be saddled up and entered into the
Kentucky Derby to the nearest Mc
Donald’s or Guantanamo Bay
(whichever is closer).
Gome to think of it, Ohio cows
may truly be WMDs. Just drive
through Ohio on a hot summer day
with your windows open. Now,
there’s a threat to NS (which is either
National Security or Nederlandse
Spoorwegen, if you need to catch a
train in the Netherlands).
So, I think I’ll go set up a television
out in the bam so Brogan can watch
the invasion of Ohio — which will
soon be short for either Our Heroes
Invaded, Overcame or Oregon Horse
Insightful, not Obsessed. Me? I’m
gonna send an e-mail suggesting that
embeds watch where they step —
land mines are about to take on a
whole new meaning.
Contact the columnist
atjessicacolehodgkinson@
dailyemerald.com. Her opinions do not
necessarily reflect those of the Emerald.
Abortion \facts ’ don’t hold up
Guest commentary
Brian Stubbs’ commentary (“Students must see
results of abortion,” ODE, May 6) shows he’s misin
formed about the process a woman goes through
when deciding to have an abortion and the reality
faced by abortion providers. No woman likes having
an abortion. The decision is painful but often per
ceived as necessary by many women for various rea
sons — too old, too young, too poor, too sick.
It’s never taken lightly, and though it can relieve
emotional stress, it can result in regret or emotional
pain. In fact, it can cause both relief and grief. Haven’t
we all made decisions we knew were right, yet still re
gretted having to make them? Of course exposure to
confrontational presentations would upset women
who made this difficult and upsetting decision.
The comparison to things such as the Holocaust
(during Holocaust Remembrance Week, no less!)
and racial lynchings made it more offensive to
everyone, not just to those who’ve had abortions. No
one denies that abortion is unpleasant. But who wel
comes the upset woman that has had one? Who pro
vides her a safe, comfortable environment where
she can grieve in peace and not feel attacked? Not
Survivors.
I also challenge the supposed fact of “the abortion
industry” being “big money.” Planned Parenthood
is hardly Phillip Morris. In fact, because of abortion
providers’ high insurance costs, the cost of perform
ing an abortion can be up to #700 in Oregon (Susan
Dudley, “Economics of Abortion,” National Abortion
Federation, 1996).
However, because many providers believe in
equal access to health care (including abortion) to
p$qp]e^f $ jiypipeJi, (heypfte? pljargq le$s.dm tte.
cost of the procedure, usually $350 to $450.1 don’t
see how losing $250 or more every time the proce
dure is performed can be interpreted as a “big mon
ey industry.”
Stubbs argues that Rachel Pilliod’s attempt to
keep people out of the amphitheater is censorship;
rather, it’s the same as the warning at the beginning
of a graphic television show, telling people what’s
coming so they have the option of avoiding it. Pilliod
didn’t try to stop Survivors’ visit or students’ looking
— that would have been censorship. Instead, she ex
ercised her right to free speech, just like those who
stopped to read the signs, just like Students for
Choice and Survivors.
Also, Stubbs’ statements about SFC’s actions are
false. The Survivors group was holding photos, and
SFC was in the amphitheater speaking. The only inci
dence of “shouting down” that I witnessed was when a
Survivors group member yelled at the SFC member
who was reading at the time, who then increased her
volume to be heard over the interruption.
The decision to have an abortion is a complex,
challenging one made by a woman in the context of
her own life, her own religious and moral beliefs, and
the consultation of her physician. The question is
not, “will abortions happen?” but will they be safe,
private, and early enough?
Free speech is free speech, and we’re all propo
nents of it, since the right to choose — whether to
speak, listen, have an abortion or not — is the main
tenet of our organization. However, we also have the
right, perhaps even the duty, to point out that many
of Survivors’ “facts” are false, as are many of Stubbs’
statements and conclusions.
Lauren Manes is co-director of Students for Choice
i andgraduated from the University winter term 2003.
What about war crimes
committed by America?
Guest commentary
We have all deservedly heard of the terrible cases of war crimes committed re
cently by the Iraqis. But why have we not heard of the war crimes committed by
the United States?
There have been cases of the United States violating or potentially violating
international and Geneva accords. A U.N. resolution has‘declared that the use
of depleted uranium shells, which the United States has regularly used, is a vio
lation in that the United Nations has labeled DU as a weapon of mass destruc
tion (we do it too!).
Thousands of civilians will suffer diseases in the future, as doctors have doc
umented from the past. And the weapon violates at least five international
treaties. Also, the use of cluster bombs in population areas has been roundly
criticized by human rights groups. And the United Nations stated that possible
(actual?) use of riot-control substances (like tear gas) is also considered a
chemical treaty violation.
The bombing of television stations in Iraq is against the Geneva accords unless
the stations are being directly used for military purposes. The head of the relevant
international journalist association has already come out strongly against that.
There are the cases that journalists have condemned of the U.S. military attack
on the Palestine Hotel for foreign journalists, when journalists contended no fire
came from the hotel first.
Also, U.S. special forces have been going without uniforms in Iraq (obviously
that is the intention — to be undercover). The answer given by a govemment/mil
itary spokesperson about that was total doublespeak. Also, a non-embedded Aus
tralian senior correspondent wrote about observing and being sent away from a
school where U.S. military was occupying and Kurds were not very happy about;
i.e., use of civilian location for military work.
And while Iraqi parading of U.S. soldiers in front of the camera was cited, how
about U.S. parading of detainees in the Guantanamo Bay base and in Afghanistan?
Neil Wollman is a senior fellow at the Peace Studies Institute and a professor of psychology
at Manchester College in Indiana.