Commentary
Bush military endeavors prompt prayer
Guest commentary
The drums of war have ceased and
the sounds of fury are being un
leashed as Iraq’s population of 24 mil
lion braces for the bombs and bullets,
the strikes of light seen in the dark
sky igniting the immediate fears and
future hopes of a people well accus
tomed to suffering and pain.
We’ve spent the past few months
reading hundreds of articles and stud
ies filled with cogent arguments
against this war, against the “Bush
Doctrine,” and we, like millions of
Americans, remain adamantly op
posed to this war. The administration
can abrogate multilateral treaties, con
spire to take away the “relevance” of
the United Nations and pursue a mad
dening policy of pre-emption, but it
cannot escape its own arrogance and
injustice. Facing the realization of the
administration’s decision, our argu
ments now turn to prayer:
We pray that as President George W.
Bush offers his own prayers he is able to
discern his own feelings and emotions
from the voice, direction and love that
God gives to all who call upon his name.
We pray that our leaders will no
longer arm with weapons of mass de
struction and lend legitimacy to per
nicious dictators such as Saddam
Hussein in the name of fighting any
war, whether it is against “Commu
nism” or “terrorism.”
We pray that in this war, unlike the
past Gulf War, our military leaders
will ensure the safety of our troops as
they go into the theater of battle,
rather than wantonly expose them to
harmful substances only to deny
their syndrome upon their return.
We pray that out of this contempt for
humanity and out of the deaths of civil
ians in Iraqi cities will come peace and
an escape from the legacy of an initial
U.S.-sponsored dictatorship and even
tual sanctioning of an entire people.
We pray that our leaders will not
forget the disorder leading to two
deadly world wars and will return to
supporting a truly collective security
to ensure the maintenance of peace.
We pray that America uses its
overwhelming military power to pur
sue just interventions where human
ity has failed to stop the scourge of
hate and violence, rather than pre
emptive unilateral aggression.
Lastly, we pray for comfort and
peace for the relatives and casualties
from both sides of this conflict.
Kathryn Kinports and Jessica Lurie are
University students. Mikael Lurie lives
in Eugene.
Fresh outlook eases Republican woes
Guest commentary
Dear conservatives,
Stop shooting yourselves in the
foot. A majority of the heartburn ex
perienced amongst our ranks is be
cause of our own political perspec
tive. I suggest that we attempt to gain
a different outlook on certain issues
in order to ease our suffering, as it
were, and possibly promote some
sort of harmony between us and
“them.” To assist your understand
ing of what I mean, here are two ex
amples of how you can turn the issue
to your favor.
Abortion
Here’s a hot political topic, and I’d
venture to say most conservatives
take a fairly strong stance against
abortion. My friends, this needn’t be
the case. All you need to do is look at
abortion in a different light, and I am
confident you may learn to accept,
even advocate it. To begin with,
abortion helps slow, if only slightly,
an out-of-control population explo
sion. That can’t be a bad thing. Sec
ond, abortion saves us money. That’s
right, money that we might other
wise be forced to give up to promis
cuous and irresponsible single moms
through some kind of welfare pro
gram. And speaking of promiscuous,
irresponsible moms, do we really
want them reproducing? I don’t!
Why take the chance that they
might pass on their loose morals to
another generation? Let’s help nip
this problem in the bud. So, to all
you pro-abortion liberals out there:
I’m behind you 100 percent, and I’d
be happy to march with you any day
of the week. And to all you ladies, I
say, “Abort away!”
Tree-hugging hippies
I don’t know how many times I've
cursed my television for broadcast
ing news about tree-sitters and their
attempts to stop people from cutting
down trees — their own trees! How
arrogant and stupid these hippies
are to think that they have a right to
trespass on someone else’s land in an
effort to “save” a single tree from be
coming a textbook. Anyhow, I
should have said that this used to
anger me, but not anymore. Why?
Well, I’ll tell you. It occurred to me
that every time another hippie had
planted him or herself in a tree, it
meant that there was one less
patchouli-wearing pot-smoker in
town, and folks, that’s a good thing.
The fewer of these people I have to
encounter on a daily basis, the bet
ter. Also, if said hippie is sitting in a
tree, that means he or she is not in
volved in another dope-smoking
march to City Hall. Hell, we could
put an end to these marches today if
only more tree-huggers were truly
dedicated to the cause. So, I encour
age each and every tree-hugging,
dirt-munching pixie out there to find
a tree, get in it and stick with that
bad boy. For years, if necessary! You
must be vigilant and dedicated, and
you have my full support!
There you have it, friends. By now
I’m sure you’re catching on and have
figured out how easy it is to become
heartburn-free. A little shift in our
perspectives will yield great results.
We conservatives need not battle the
liberals, we must support them and
their self-destructive ways. Start lay
ing the foundation for a Republican
future today, one in which you and
yours will be the sole beneficiaries of
your hard work.
Josef Dieckman is a junior history major.
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