Ducks teaching class?
Now you ’re dreaming
Get frustrated with the gap be
tween college football and college?
Ever feel like the Ducks aren’t your
Ducks, they’re just the Ducks? Ever
feel like Jason Fife doesn’t love you,
doesn’t even know you, doesn’t care
about you?
Well, here’s your cure: Ducks 435.
Ducks 435 (yes, it’s upper divi
sion) is a class taught bv Ducks for
Ducks (CRN
number 6-2).
It’s a way to get
personal with
Fife. Get to
know Onterrio
Smith. Go to
Mike Bellotti’s
office hours.
The books
will have “of
fense” and “de
fense” on
them. The
overheads will
be all circles,
squares and squiggly lines.
Bellotti will be the mad professor
of this course, growing his mustache
out to insane lengths. He will assign
game tapes as homework, have stu
dents give presentations on the next
week’s team and assign group work,
splitting the groups out among his
assistant coaches.
Fife, Smith and others will be the
GTFs of this course, and they’ll rotate
with each section each week. This will
be time for “discussion.” You can talk
about Smith’s run at the Heisman one
week, ask Kevin Mitchell how he hits
so hard the next week.
Steven Moore will be a GTF one
week, and he’ll pose a question
about the Arizona State game, and
the room will fall into one of those
awkward silences you can only find
in discussion sections.
The midterm will be to attend the
Homecoming game. The final will be
sometime around Jan. 1, hopefully.
The class will require outside study
to the tune of four home games be
fore school starts.
And there will be field trips. Oh,
there will be field trips. You can bet
these aren’t the trips to the muse
um of natural history you took
when you were in grade school.
Oh, no. These are road trips that
boggle the mind, field trips that are
a study in how far to push the hu
man heart on a Saturday before it
completely stops.
This class will ignore all the busi
ness aspects of college football and
focus on the sensations created on
glorious fall afternoons at Autzen.
As students in the back of the room
fall asleep and spill juice on them
selves, Bellotti will spout on about
the ugly beauty of football, the
pleasure he gets when a helmet hits
another helmet near him, the sum
mer days that fade into crisp au
tumn nights, as football remains
the one weekly constant.
Peter
Hockaday
Two minutes for
crosschecking
015074
EDUCATION
PRO
PROZANSKI
• Strong,
stable
funding
• Tuition
freeze
• Student
control over
fees
• Need grants
Democrat lot Suite Representative
DISTRICT 8
Paid and Authorized by Friends For Floyd Prozanski,
John Van landingham. Treasurer,
PO Box 11511, Eugene, OR 97440
It will be Ducks on Ducks for
Ducks.
Ducks 435. Oh, but we can dream,
can’t we?
In the winter it will shift to
Hoops 465 (CRN number Elite
Eight). Taught by Ernie Kent, this
is a much more frenetic class. Kent
will launch into tirades, wave his
hands about and yell at kids in the
back of the class.
“Bryan! Is that defense? You call
that defense?”
But then, of course, Kent will
make the trek to the back of the
class, pat the kid on the shoulder,
ask him how things are going.
Meanwhile, Luke Jackson and
Luke Ridnour will answer only to
gether and only to “The Lukes,” as
the advertising campaign for this
year’s squad seems to be unable to
differentiate the two. Robert Johnson
and Brian Helquist will field questions
in discussion about what it’s like to
play without Chris Christoffersen and
Freddie Jones. Those will be the only
questions asked.
Jordan Kent will just sit in a cor
ner and smile the whole time.
Hoops 465 students will be forced
to wear the same yellow shirt to each
session. It will be a two-hour class,
and at the break students will prac
tice “making noise” — respectfully,
of course.
Check the recently-released course
catalog for further information.
Contact the sports editor
atpeterhockaday@dailyemerald.com.
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