Beat the pretentious at their own game
With the possible excep
tions of political science
undergraduates and
journalism professors, there are no
people in all of academia more
smarmy, pretentious and annoying
than those who dedicate their
post-graduate life to the study and
practice of literary criticism.
Still bitter about the fact that they
couldn’t get admitted to a Master of
Fine Arts writing program, these
sorry individuals dedicate them
selves not only to tearing down the
writing of others, but also the very
reading habits of the average person.
What follows is a list of books so
obscure and cool that reading
them will instantly elevate you be
yond the level of the average
lit/crit jerk. So the next time you
run into one of these people, in
stead of letting them make you feel
stupid or getting into a lot of trou
ble for kicking the crap out of
them, beat them at their own game.
• Mikhail Bulgakov, “The Master
and Margarita”: Published in 1966
(after being suppressed by Soviet
censors for 26 years), the book is set
in the USSR of the 1930s and early
First Century A.D. Jerusalem, and
chronicles the adventures of Jesus
Christ, Pontius Pilate, Satan, vari
ous Soviet literati, a woman named
Margarita, her lover (a mad and
brilliant writer known only as the
Master), and a loud-mouthed, fast
talking, vodka-drinking tomcat
named Behemoth.
Cool because it can be interpret
ed as abusive of both the Godly
and the Godless, this book will get
you serious points in any argu
ment with members of the obscure
literature set.
• Francisco Hinojosa, “Hectic
Ethics”: The stories in this 1996
Guest Commentary
Leon
Tovey_
collection — written by a Mexican
critic and writer of children’s
books so talented that no one I’ve
ever talked to has ever even heard
of him — mesh to form a beautiful
satire about the multi-faceted stu
pidity of modern life. The author’s
name alone will win you points on
the coolly obscure literature scale.
• Erich Maria Remarque, “Im
Westen Nichts Neues”: Probably
better known by its English title,
“All Quiet on the Western Front,”
this is the classic 1928 tale of
World War I that raised the bar for
powerful war novels.
The fun thing to do with this is
to read the original, German ver
sion (which is totally possible for
anyone with more than half a term
of first-year German and a copy of
the book in both languages to do)
and tell every comparative lit ma
jor you know that “it loses sooo
much in the translation.” That re
ally pisses them off.
• David Foster Wallace, “Infinite
Jest”: Most people who know of its
existence will be impressed if you
can tell them you finished this
1,000-plus-page, 1995 novel,
much less arrived at any conclu
sion about its artistic merit.
A must-read for haters of corpo
rate and consumer culture, Wal
lace’s book is set in the near-future
(when years are no longer num
bered, but named after corporate
sponsors — thus most of the story
takes place in the Year of the De
pends Adult Undergarment) and
revolves around the inhabitants of
a Boston halfway house and an
elite tennis academy, whose efforts
to save the world from a video so
addictive that anyone who sees it
is rendered incapacitated are only
part of the story. This is the A
Bomb of “I’m cooler than you be
cause I read ...” literature.
Of course there are more, but
just finding these four titles might
take you long enough, to say noth
ing of actually reading them. Re
member that it is summer, and you
can’t spend all your time reading
coolly obscure books just to win
arguments with people who have
no lives outside of their graduate
comparative literature programs.
As Nietsche said, “He who fights
with monsters might take care lest
he thereby become a monster.”
Leon Tovey is a freelance columnist.
His views do not necessarily represent
those of the Emerald.
Oregon Festival of American Music 2002
GERSHWIN
“ DICK HYMAN, JAZZ ADVISOR
DEREK SMITH ■ KEN PEPLOWSKf
RANDY SANDKE-& more!
August 1-10
Hult-Shedd-Cuthbert
Tickets: 682-5000
[Info: 687-6526
rww.ofam.org
f UNITED
ry
Premium Pour Bartending
More than fust a school!
wwwpremmmpnMrjnm
^ 1010 Oak Street • Eugene, OR 97401 • (541) 485-4695
NEED JOB TRAINING WITH
HIGH PAYING RETURNS?
Premium Pour has your solution.
Upcoming weekday bartending classes
begin on July 29th & Aug. 6th.
Call today for questions or placement.
Don’t let this high paying opportunity pass you by!
Locally owned
LUBE, OIL, FILTER
• Chassis Lube • New Oil Filter • Up to 5 Qts. 10W-30 Chevron Oil
• Clean Front Window • Vaccuum Front Floor Boards
No Appointment necessary
Most light cars & trucks
3/4 or 1-ton & Extra Cab
Trucks Additional
Chevron
MOTOR OIL
row in thi rooiecTiOK
DOWNTOWN 1320 Willamette *485-2356
2975 West 11th 344-0007* OPEN Sundays 11-4
IVii'i'i'influ
Community
Center for the
Performing Arts
8th &
Lincoln
■ Tonight m
love with Arthur Lee,
Stew, Activator
Psychedelic Rock
$18 advance $20 door, 8:00 pm
■ Saturday ■
Ihe Gadabout
Traveling Film Festival
FREE! Doors and showtime 8:00 pm
■ Sunday m
Dub Narcotic
SoundSystem
Half Seas Oven
Creme Blush, Chevron
R&B/Rock
$7 door, 8:00 pm
All Ages Welcome • 687-2746
HEY STUDENT GROUPS! Advertise your upcoming events in the Oregon Daily Emerald. Special student rates. Call 346-3712
To place an ad, call (541) 346-4343 or stop by Room 300 Erb Memorial Union
E-mail: classads@dailyemerald.com Online Edition: www.dailyemerald.com
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union, PO. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
095 PERSONALS
A “mega-child-care-facility” posing
as a “small residential daycare cen
ter” is a wolf clothed in sheep’s zon
ing. Hearing July 24, 5pm City Hall.
Horoscope by Linda C. Black
TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (July 25). You're smart
and energetic, but you can t do It all. Get a me
chanically inclined person to help. Somebody
who knows how to draw up plans and fix things.
Then, learn how to follow directions. This won’t
be an easy year, but you could learn how to
build.
To get the advantage, check the day s rating: 10
is the easiest day. 0 the most challenging.
ARIES (March 21 -April 19) _ Today is a 9 _
When friends and family don’t agree, you get to
mediate. Make sure they fight fair and play by
the rules.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) _ Today is a 5 _
Slow and easy does it. Don’t ask for favors, but
ask for what you've rightfully earned.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21) _ Today is an 8 _
You're highly productive, but make sure to set
an agenda. Otherwise, you'll spend all day run
ning back and forth.
CANCER (June 22-July 22) _ Today is a 5Pari
of your income is from the benefits you've ac
quired. Count them when you're assessing how
well you've done. You'll feel even better.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) _ Today is an 8 _ Think
it's time to make your move or speak your
mind? Well, you're right. Suggest something
that will benefit another person, too.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) _ Today is a 4 _ Steer
things the way you want them to go by using
smiles rather than controntation. Don't go for
domination, just minimize damage.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct 22) _ Today is a 10 - Your
popularity is high. Your social calendar should
be packed. If it s not, it’s because you're hiding
out. You’ll be pleasantly surprised if you partici
pate.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) _ Today is a 5 _ Fi
nally, the word comes through. What you’ll be
doing soon becomes obvious. Meanwhile, get
your place ready for a romantic Friday night.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) _ Today is a 7
_ You're anxious to get started, but don't be
reckless. Ypu don't want to get over there, then
find out you've left something important over
here.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) _ Today is a 5 _
Keep gathering the goodies, and keep holding
down the costs. That's the secret of success:
buy low, sell high.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) _ Today is a 7 _
The other guy gets in a few good points. Don't
let that throw you off stride. You'll get the final
word. Make the best of that chance. Amaze
them.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) _ Today is a 5 _ You
may feel like a yo-yo. as you keep going back to
the drawing board. A little less here, a little more
there. Being a great artist isn't always easy.
105 TYPING/RESUME SERVICES
At 344-0759, ROBIN is GRAD
SCHOOL APPROVED. 30-year the
sis/dissertation background. Term
papers. Full resume service. Editing.
Laser pr ON CAMPUS!
115 GARAGE/MQVING SALES
MOVING SALE
Nice couch - $200, Usable dresser
and more. Call Kimberly 686-0624
120 MISCELLANEOUS FOR SALE
"Give Me Five!"
Run your “FOR SALE” ad (items
under $1,000) for 5 days. If the
item(s) doesn’t sell, call us at
346-4343 and we’ll run your ad
again for another 5 days FREE!
Student/Private Party Ads Only»No Retunds ^
125 FURNITURE/APPLIANCES
For Sale. Small sofa made by Decor
Interior. Green background w/small
flower print. $300. 746-1474.
130 CARS/TRUCKS/CYCLES
88’ Toyota Corolla. Great condition.
Great gas mileage. It’s a steal at
$2,100,242-1032.
190 OPPORTUNITIES
:ku/£li IB $ WARE
The Oregon Daily Emerald assumes no
liability for ad content or response. Ads are
screened for illegal content and mail order
ads must provide a sample of item for sale.
Otherwise, ads that appear too good to be
true, probably are.
Respond at your own risk.
campus coffee break
daily grind > knight library
hearth cafe > lawr'ence hall
atrium cafe > Willamette hall
01502635
190 OPPORTUNITIES
190 OPPORTUNITIES
GTF Position Announcement
Employment Period: Academic Year 2002 - 2003
The Center for the Study of Women in Society invites applications for a GTF position
(.40 FTE) for the 2002-2003 academic year. This position has been created to work on
NIH and CDC funded projects.
Job Description
To serve as Data Analyst on two federally funded research projects in the area of
women’s reproductive health. Under the supervision of Marie Harvey this individual
will be responsible for conducting analyses of data from several research studies. These
analyses will primarily address the measurement of constructs, treatment effects of the
intervention, and tests of the theoretical model(s) underlying the projects.
Qualifications
UO graduate student with excellent skills and graduate level training in quantitative
research methods; experience and expertise in statistical analyses; experience with
SPSS; ability to work independently. Experience in conducting research in women's
health/public health is desired. Post MA level graduate student in the social sciences or
related discipline is preferred.
Salary is detemiined by the UO GTFF bargaining contract. The assistantship includes
a waiver of tuition.
Deadline
Friday, August 2,2002, by 5:00 p.m.
How to Apply
Send resume and cover letter to S. Marie Harvey, Center for the Study of Women in
Society, 1201 University of Oregon, Eugene OR, 97403 or deliver same to CSWS, 340
Hendricks Hall, University of Oregon. Faxed applications are acceptable at 346-5096.
Direct questions to Marie Harvey at 346-4120 or mharvey@oregon.uoregon.edu.
The Ud is an equal opportunity, ajirmalitv-aclion institution committed to cultural diversity and
complumce u itb tlx Americans with Disabilities Act.