Hollywoodfinds new low
With the upcoming slew
of big summer films fea
turing evil aliens, giant
insects, Mike Meyers, etc., I have
become increasingly curious as to
how far Hollywood is willing to
go in order to make profits during
the big movie season. What sort
of senseless exploitation can we
look forward to seeing in the fu
ture? I’ll admit I have a vested in
terest in this beyond the average
moviegoer. That’s because I am
the illegitimate heir to director
Michael Bay.
No, I’m sorry, that’s not true. As
far as I know, Michael Bay, of
“Pearl Harbor” fame, has no illegit
imate offspring. Not that I can
prove anyway, although I have
heard stories. But as interesting as
they are, I’ll keep quiet on that
point. Where was I? Oh yeah, big
budget films I would like to see. If
you think that Hollywood has
gone as far as it can, than excuse
me while I make rude snorting
noises and prove you wrong.
The first example is war. Holly
wood loves war. War is profitable.
War is fun. War means big stars
with big guns firing big bullets and
causing big explosions so that stu
dios can make a big profit (if you
think I’m going to make jokes
about actors and their big guns in
order to get a cheap laugh you can
forget it, you filthy pervert).
bUEST UOLUMNIST
Ryan
_Nyburg
Take for example, “Pearl Har
bor,” which had an hour and a
half of mindless violence sur
rounded by what felt like 300
years of terrible acting, stupid di
alogue and an inhuman love sto
ry. America could have ended the
war in the Pacific in three hours
if they had simply inflicted that
sappy love triangle on the Japan
ese. Such tactics would have
probably ended up being banned
by Geneva Convention.
But I digress. The point is that
Hollywood loves war so much that
it will soon run out of battles to por
tray. Soon we’ll be seeing films like
“Bombs of Honor: The Kosovo War”
or “Grenada: A Soldier’s Story.”
Another area that Hollywood
will continue to exploit for fun and
profit is special effects. With the
increase in digital effects, it is now
possible for filmmakers to make
movies with nothing except digital
effects. A little known fact about
the most recent “Star Wars” film is
that all the actors were digital ef
fects. The only live actor was
Yoda, who was played by Keith
Richards without any makeup.
Most actors today are actually
digital creations. Robert De Niro,
for example, has been dead since
1986. Tom Hanks passed away in
the early ’80s and was filled in by
an exceptionally well-versed sock
puppet named Blinky until Indus
trial Light + Magic came along.
Hollywood is willing to go to
these lengths because stars are a
big draw. Any film can make mon
ey if a big star is involved — no
matter how mindless or improba
ble it is. This is because audiences
are stupid, like cattle. If they
weren’t stupid, films like “Gladia
tor” and “Scooby-Doo” wouldn’t
make money.
Actually, people as a whole are
stupid and they will flock to Julia
Roberts like lemmings to the sea,
no matter how rancid the film she
is in turns out to be. Eventually, it
will get to the point that all a film
has to do to make money is have a
famous actor, preferably one who
just won an award or was involved
in a sex scandal recently, and have
them look at the camera while stuff
happens around them. Nicolas
Cage has already made, three or
four films like this.
And sadly I’ll be there in the
front row, chewing my cud like the
rest, silently mooing at the screen.
Ryan Nyburg is a freelance columnist.
His opinions do not necessarily represent
those of the Emerald.
Pop fans start raving about Cirrus
CD REVIEW
By Andrew Graham
The Daily Vidette (Illinois State U.)
(U-WIRE) NORMAL, 111. — Every
year, music fans witness a few pro
gressive critics peer into the future
and come back with one prediction
— this is the year techno music
goes mainstream. Yet techno hasn’t
been on North American radio
since Technotronic’s “Pump Up the
Jam.” What gives?
Enter Cirrus, a four piece techno
and electronic act who recently
wrapped up their third album,
“Counterfeit,” which is poised to
take them from a year-round tour
ing act with a cult following to the
first techno band on the airwaves in
years. Yes, Cirrus is a techno band.
“We have the live band aspect of
our music that other techno groups
right now just don’t have,” said
Laura Derby, Cirrus’ lead vocalist.
“We’ll go from the first break right
into a chorus.”
Vocals and live instruments
blend with traditional techno
breakbeats in Cirrus’ live stage
show — shows guitarist and key
boardist Steve Barry referred to as
“where we feel most at home.”
Being near the top of their genre
is nothing new to Cirrus, though.
They caught the ears of clubgoers
way back in 1997 when their debut
CD “Drop the Break” climbed the
Billboard dance charts, fueled by
the trip-hop classic “Superstar DJ.”
Their follow-up effort, “Back on
a Mission,” showcased the group’s
collaboration with famed house
music producer DJ Dan on the track
“Stop and Panic.”
“Dan was fantastic to work
with,” said Barry. “He’s a great pro
ducer and DJ — he just really
knows what he wants in the studio
and has a great ear for sound.”
Barry said “Counterfeit” has been
embraced by their label, Moonshine
Records, and radio stations more
than their previous efforts, but
stopped short of dubbing the new al
bum mainstream.
“Before, we got a great response
to the albums, don’t get me wrong,
but it was mostly within the scene
— the rave scene and the club
scene. But now, we’re getting good
feedback from people, even entire
audiences, that had been uncon
nected with the scene,” Barry said.
Though “Counterfeit” is more
eclectic than the first two albums —
evident in guitar-infused tracks like
“Half a Cell” and vocals that would
take Derby to the top of the pop
charts if that’s where she were —
their overall style is one influenced
by fog machines and glow sticks.
Lyrics like “Watch me / I’m weight
less / though I’m on the ground” re
mind listeners that Cirrus wants to
be on the dance floor before they’re
on the airwaves.
Derby said her personal
playlist consists of a wide range
of music, which is a good thing
because, in many respects, she
carries Cirrus’ sound.
“I just like so many different
kinds of music,” she said before
mentioning everything from rock
bands to hardcore house as discs
“in her CD player right now.
As far as comparing North
American electronic music to the
European scene, Barry agreed
with many critics when he said
techno is more progressive and in
novative overseas.
“The thing is, with the European
scene, the genre and what’s popu
lar changes a lot more than it does
here,” Barry explained. “But music
like dark techno and acid house all
comes from Europe. ”
Cirrus’ style, a blend of electronic
and techno fueled by lots of break
beats, is more native to North
America, according to Barry.
Adam Sandler takes ‘Deeds’ to town
MOVIE REVIEW
By Dante A. Ciampaglia
The Pitt News (U. Pittsburgh)
(U-WIRE) PITTSBURGH — Can
“Mr. Deeds,” the new Adam San
dler movie that’s also a remake of a
classic Gary Cooper film, possibly
be any good?
After all, Sandler is no Gary
Cooper.
Sandler’s last few movies haven’t
been anything to write home about.
“Little Nicky” was, well, “Little
Nicky,” and “Big Daddy” tried to
recapture the spirit of “The Wed
ding Singer.” It wasn’t successful in
that regard.
Surprisingly, though; “Mr.
Deeds” works and is better than
“The Wedding Singer.”
Sandler is Longfellow Deeds,
small-town guy who hits it rich af
ter inheriting $40 billion as the sup
posedly only living relative of a
dead media tycoon. Deeds goes to
the big city to dot the I’s and cross
the T’s but ends up falling in love
with a damsel in distress, Pam
Dawson (Winona Ryder). She
seems to be the sweet, innocent,
small-town kind of gal Deeds has
been looking for except that she is
n’t any of those things. Rather, she’s
sleazy tabloid television producer
Babe Bennett, out to get dirt on the
naive Deeds.
This remake of the Depression
era “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town”
works, not as a Frank Capra mes
sage film, but as a well-done ro
mantic comedy. The story be
comes fairly predictable, but it
hits the same notes as “The Wed
ding Singer.” Deeds, like Robbie
in “Singer,” is a poor schlub look
ing to make his way in the world,
thinks he has all that’s important,
then meets the girl of his dreams
that turns that world upside
down. Sandler fits that schlub
role perfectly and, as Deeds, is
more adult than in any of his pre
vious films.
“Mr. Deeds” isn’t a remake that
sets out to top the original. Instead,
it borrows from it to create a funny
and decent romantic comedy.
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