An irreverent
Monday, April 1,2002
Offending the University of Oregon campus since 1900
Volume 103,Issue 119
Lazy students
use Sept. 11
to excuse
late papers
■ Students seem to have convinced
professors that less rigorous
lectures and homework will bring
feelings of peace to campus
By Robert Mold
Oregon Daily Emerald
University professors admit that the
events of Sept. 11 are giving students
“better and better” excuses for missing
classes and turning in late homework
assignments.
“A few years ago, it was the same old
crap,” said sociology Professor William
Keller. “They would come and tell me,
‘My grandma had a stroke and died,’ or
‘My girlfriend was in a car accident.’ If I
had a nickel for every dead grandmoth
er and injured girlfriend, I sure would
n’t be teaching here. ”
But Keller is the first to admit that,
these days, the excuses are much better
and more elaborate. He notes that the
events of Sept. 11 and the subsequent
war on terrorism gave students “a brave
new world” for lies, fibs and excuses.
“Today I hear, ‘My paper is late be
cause I was contemplating whether (Pres
ident George Bush) could keep together
the fragile international order,’ or ‘I can’t
take the test because I’m worried about
the Marines in the Philippines.’ What am
I supposed to say to that?” he said. “The
theories of Herbert Gans are not more im
portant than the Bush Doctrine.”
Turn to Good excuse, page 12
UO Bookstore
sick and tired
of Duck crap
■ Bookstore staff members say
the obnoxious green and yellow
items are just too hideous to sell
By Sugar Stevens
Oregon Daily Emerald
Nearly four months after the Univer
sity Bookstore stopped selling cigarette
and tobacco products for moral and le
gal reasons, the store has announced it
will also halt the sales of loud fight song
gadgets and green and yellow Oregon
paraphernalia because the songs and
colors are annoying.
Bookstore manager Billy Thompson
said store employees came up with the
idea to stop peddling the school colors
because employees thought they were
unattractive on most customers and felt
guilty selling the items.
Turn to Duck crap, page 10
Ducks fly off the handle
Cappi Farquar Emerald
Riot cops from the Eugene Police Department enforce a 10 p.m. curfew amid clouds of tear gas, mustard gas and possibly
Agent Orange—anyway, a lot of gas—released on campus to break up unruly crowds angered at the dissolution of the ASUO.
■ Spring break is marred by
campus violence as unruly mobs
reacted to the ASUO’s dissolution
By Lloyd Dobbler
Oregon Daily Emerald
After two weeks of complete inac
tivity, the ASUO was dissolved Fri
day, plunging the campus into a ri
otous weekend melee. Department
of Public Safety officials report that
five students are still missing, and
DPS officers have begun to patch
windows and clean up the damage.
Gov. John Kitzhaber called the
Oregon National Guard to campus
late Friday night to quell the rioting
and looting on campus, but the ef
fort to curb the ungoverned chaos
took more than 48 hours. By Sun
day night the Eugene Fire Depart
ment continued to battle two re
maining bonfires, but the campus
was quiet, as more than 100 Eugene
Police Department officers en
forced a 10 p.m. curfew.
Saturday turned into one of the
most violent nights on campus.
Packs of students, many armed
with baseball bats and crowbars,
roamed the campus, frequently
clashing with other groups and the
National Guard.
DPS Director Wilhelm Klink said
the five students went missing dur
ing clashes with the National Guard
in separate attempts to loot Grab ’N
Go and Pegasus Smokehouse Pizza,
which is located just off campus.
“The National Guard had estab
lished a perimeter around campus to
hold the riots in, and the students
Turn to Total chaos, page 12
Conservative white males say they’re ‘mad as hell’
Angry,
heterosexual,
conservative,
traditional,
values-oriented,
religious-minded,
God-fearin’,
bootstrap-pulling,
clean-cut,
All-American,
white ‘men’s men’
converge on the
Johnson Hall lawn
Saturday to
demand their
societal power be
returned
to campus.
■A group of right-wing men
is demanding the University
sign on with a think tank, the
Republican Rights Consortium
By Mikalos Kioknav
Oregon Daily Emerald
Banners wave, shouts ring out and
tempers flare. Students and faculty
stand together to demand change.
But this isn’t your father’s protest
movement.
The acrid scent of Ralph Lauren’s
Polo wafted across the Johnson Hall
lawn Sunday as nearly 100 conser
vative, heterosexual white males
continued their “diversity” protest
for a third day. Organizers said the
protesters are demanding immediate
action by University President Dave
Frohnmayer to increase the propor
tion of students and faculty who
identify as straight, right-wing Cau
casian men, and their sit-in will con
tinue until he signs on with the Re
publican Rights Consortium.
Turn to White men, page 6