Therapists lead discussion
on healthy relationships
■Counselors skewer myths,
saying communication is key
By Kara Cogswell
Oregon Daily Emerald
In the movie Jerry Maguire, Jerry
wins Dorothy’s heart by telling her
“you complete me.”
When couples fall in love on
screen, it’s usually a perfect match, but
off-screen, looking to a significant oth
er for “completion” is not a good idea,
University therapist Jason Greif said.
“You’re probably not going to
find someone who fulfills your
every need, ” he said.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, Greif
and three other therapists from the
University Counseling Center led a
discussion about relationships in
the EMU Ben Linder Room Thurs
day afternoon. They talked about
what to expect — and not to expect
— from a partner, as well as what it
takes to form a healthy relationship.
About 20 students attended, in
cluding freshmen Chrystal Price
and Emily Loverde.
They said the discussion made
them think about their own relation
ship experiences. Loverde added
that she liked that the therapists
brought up relationship myths.
“You know in the back of your mind
that they’re myths, but it was helpful
to acknowledge that,” she said.
Greif and therapist Allison Lau
discussed several common miscon
ceptions people often have about re
lationships, including the idea that
“fighting is bad,” Lau said.
A good relationship can have
conflicts, she said. What is impor
tant is that both partners have com
patible “conflict styles” — meaning
that they can work through the
problem together.
People often mistakenly believe
that their partners are responsible
for filling all their emotional needs,
Lau said.
“Maybe your partner doesn’t give
you the emotional support you
need, but that doesn’t mean he’s not
good for you,” she said.
Friends and nonromantic rela
tionships can be other sources of
support, she said.
Therapist Dan Smith, who talked
about how couples can improve com
munication, said once couples move
beyond the initial infatuation stage,
women often want to start talking
about the relationship before men.
“Men really are from Mars, and
women really are from Venus,” he
said. “At least in terms of how we
approach emotional (issues) and be
ing genuine,” he said.
Relationships don’t usually end
because one person falls in love
with somebody else, he said. More
often, relationships break down be
cause partners can’t communicate
with one another.
Sometimes seemingly insignifi
cant personal habits, such as leav
ing the toilet seat up or even hang
ing clothing articles up to dry in the
shower, can lead to relationship
problems if someone is annoyed by
their partner’s behavior but won’t
talk about it.
“If a relationship’s going to sur
vive, eventually you have to bring
these things up,” he said.
Couples should watch out for in
dications that their relationship is
in trouble, therapist Carina Esteban
said. Esteban, who talked about
how to build a healthy relationship,
said criticism, contempt, defensive
ness and stone-walling between
Free relationship therapy
for students is available at the
University Counseling Center
Winter term drop-in counseling
hours:
Monday: 9 ammoon and 1-4 p.m.
Tuesday and Wednesday: 10 a.m.
noon and 1-4 p.m.
Thursday: 11 a.m-noon and 1-4 p.m.
Friday: 11 a.m.- noon and 1 -3 p.m.
For more information, contact the
Counseling Center at 346-3227. The
Counseling Center is located in the
University Health and Counseling
Center building.
Source: University Health and Counseling Center
partners are four signs the relation
ship is in “a downward spiral.”
The key for couples is to balance
out negative aspects of their rela
tionship with many more positive
aspects — such as joking with each
other, and showing affection, con
cern and support for one another.
Free couples therapy is available
to students at the Counseling Cen
ter, Smith said. Students in both
same-sex and heterosexual relation
ships are encouraged to come, he
said. Interested couples can stop by
the Counseling Center during nor
mal drop-in hours. Both partners
should attend the session, he said.
Although creating a healthy rela
tionship can be difficult, the end re
sult can make it worthwhile, Lau said.
“That’s why relationships are so
special,” Lau said. “They’re one of
the things in life where jumping in
and taking a risk may be worth it. ”
E-mail student activities editor Kara Cogswell
atkaracogswell@dailyemerald.com.
News brief
EWEB may increase rates
Eugene Water and Electric Board
customers may see their rates raised
— again. The board proposed a 6
percent increase, which would mark
the second increase in less than six
months. The utility raised power
rates 36 percent last November.
EWEB’s board of directors met
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EWEB’s purchase of power from
high-priced brokers this past winter.
A 6 percent rate increase would
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The board will meet again Feb. 19
to further discuss the issue. If the 6
percent increase is improved, there
will be a public hearing in March to
discuss the plan, and the new rates
will hit customers in April.
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