If You Aren’t Having Sex...
I
By Kenzin Fultz-Wahl
...you aren’t alone. Though it may not feel like
it, there are plenty of people on this campus
who are not having sex. And yes, some of them
are people in committed relationships and peo
ple who are just dating who have made a con
scious decision not to have sex at this point in
their lives. There are also many students who
have made the choice to have sex. This article
is aimed at both the sexually active as well as the
sexually “inactive” groups who want to make
the time they spend NOT having sex an enjoy
able time for all parties involved. Whether the
tips given here are used as an alternative to sex, a
precursor to sex, or simply as knowledge stored
for future use is your choice—these tips can act
as a jumping off point for your own imagination
and resourcefulness.
Where it Begins: You
Before anyone else can turn you on, you have
to know what turns you on. Perhaps you have
the dubious good fortune of being brought to or
gasm simpiy by the kiss of your partner. More
likely, you’re like the rest of us who need just a
little more. What this “little more” consists of
varies from person to person. Masturbation is a
convenient way to find out what things turn you
on and what things definitely turn you OFF
when being intimate with someone. Masturba
tion is an ever-taboo subject, but is the first step
toward self knowledge of one’s sexual likes and
dislikes. Thought to be more common among
men, masturbation is a subject about which
many women are relatively uninformed. To de
scribe here the various techniques of masturba
tion would be not only difficult, but also quite
lengthy. Some books with both detailed yet sim
ple methods for so-called “self love” include:
Hot Sex, by Tracey Cox, and The Big O. by Lou
Paget, provide tips for both sexes; Our Bodies.
Our Selves, by Boston Women’s Health Collec
tive, provides step-by-step instructions for
women. The latter two can be found in the Peer
Health Education Office on the main floor of the
UO Health Center.
Recipe for Fun
Now, onto the tips for a better time without
sex. Talking informally with several students on
campus, I’ve found that the one of the most for
gotten tum-ons is simple conversation. Intimate
conversation with your partner is not only in
formative, it’s a fun, easy, and safe way to get
closer to your partner without actually getting
close to your partner. Writing notes, leaving e
mails or messages, or simply calling just to say
you can’t wait to see your partner are simple
ways to increase anticipation for the next time
you see him or her. These notes can be casual or
erotic in nature, but don’t have to lead to sex.
The beauty of intimate conversation is that it es
tablishes the boundaries for both you and your
partner, upon which all other anticipation
building activities can be based. Some other
great activities:
• Stroking all over; if long hair, pick it up, stroke
the back of neck, run palms down arms
• Giving back rubs; foot rubs; all-over rubs
• Cuddle
• Ege-to-ege contact
• Feeding one another
• Kiss for hours
• Notice each other’s scent
• Dance together
• Flirt
• Sensual massage
• Reading erotic stories
• Dress sexy-push it a bit
• Leave notes, messages, or just call and talk un
abashedly about what you’d like to do to your
partner
• Undress each other kissing or caressing each
newly exposed part
• Play the part: if she likes tigh t briefs, buy a pair;
if he likes garters, wear ‘em-and give him a
glimpse while you’re out
• Lick whipped cream off of one another; suck on
some ice cubes, then on your partner
• Toes, fingers, belly buttons, etc. are all fair
game-have fun while showing your partner that
you enjoy all their parts!
• Do a long and slow striptease for one another
• Use your whole body to massage your partner’s
• Tie each other up, blindfold one another, then
perform the above tricks a few silk/gauzy scarves
and you’re on your way!
If You Decide to Keep Going
Be READY. Before the situation arises, sit
down with yourself—is this what YOU want?
Be sure. If the answer is yes, great, but be smart
and most of all be safe. Get tested for sexually
transmitted infections (STIs) and ask your part
ner to get tested. For heterosexual sex, use con
traception to prevent pregnancy. For everyone,
use barriers (condoms, dental dams) to prevent
STIs. The UO Health Center provides low-cost
infection screenings for students as well as con
traceptives; free condoms and dental dams can
be found at the Peer Health Office in the UO
Health Center. Call 346-2770 to see if you quali
fy for the Family Planning Expansion Program
that provides free contraceptives and various
medical services related to your sexual health.
Is My Vulva Beautiful?
By Lisa Rowe
It was about five years ago. I remember it clearly. I realized that I was
bored sexually. My boyfriend at the time was not satisfying me, but I had
an epiphany of sorts. How could he possibly know how to push my but
tons if I didn’t even know what and where those buttons were? I had fi
nally come to a point where I could get past seeing my vulva as some
thing that was dirty and not to be touched. After all, how could I
possibly expect someone else to enjoy that part of me if I couldn’t learn
to?
I needed some help. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone until I final
ly broke down and asked one of my good friends. She was older so I
thought she would be the perfect person to ask. With a red face and dart
ing eyes, I finally sought out her wisdom.
My friend smiled at me and took my hand. We went to The Love
Shack, an adult store. I was so embarrassed. We walked in the doors and
the smell of incense was present. There was lingerie over in one comer.
One wall was entirely covered with vibrators, synthetic penises, and a
variety of other sexual accessories. The woman that owned the store ap
proached us and provided a tour of the entire store. In the large selec
tion of lingerie, some were silky and soft, and others were leather with
belt hooks up the front. The lotions were all edible, with unique flavors.
Some of the lotions even came with a massage glove that was surprising
ly soft. There were a variety of lubricants, some water based and there
fore compatible with latex. Some flavored and brightly colored and some
were clear and unscented. The array of toys was too huge to fully de
scribe here, but fortunately there were some for both men and women.
Given the right adult store, they are in equal abundance.
What surprised me most about this new experience was when I real
ized that everyone in the store had something in common with me. We I
were all there to improve our sex lives. I had this idea that the people
that I would run into there would be perverted. Instead I found a variety
of people. There were couples. There were young men and women, as
well as older men and women. It suddenly seemed no dirtier than the
grocery store. I was able to be curious without being questioned.
I quickly became friends with the owner, who helped me become con
fident enough to go out and educate others about the different options to
determining what we enjoy and what our limits are. I conducted private
parties not unlike sex toy Tupperware parties. I encouraged others to ex
pand their own newfound knowledge by finding out what their partners
enjoy. While doing these gigs, women of every type and personality sur
prised me as to how open they were to discovering their own sexual pref
erences. I had never been more wrong in assuming that every person out |
there would think that I was a bad person if I decided to take an active
role in my own sexuality.
Even though the Health Center does not offer such parties at this time,
the lending library in the Peer Health Ed Office has some interesting re
lated reading, such as Total Health for Men by Neil Worthheimer and Na
talie Angier's Woman- an Intimate Geography. Come by and check them
out from the first floor of the Health Center.
✓ Percent-age of Americans
who believe they have :
never eaten genetically
modified foods: 70 %
III
✓ Chance that a processed
food in a US.
supermarket conta ms
genetically modified
ingredients: 50%
—BE magazine
Nov/Dec 2001
✓ /f takes 100 times more
water to produce a pound
of m eat than a pound of
wheat
—Diet for a Hew
America-John Robbins
✓ If Americans reduced their
meat intake by just 10%,
the sa vi ngs in gra ins a nd
soybeans could actually
feed 60 million additional
people
—Diet for a New
America-John Robbins ,
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About 16 million
American have diabetes,
but only 10 million have
been diagnosed,
—CDC '
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if From 1992 to 1996,
women and 1 in 1,000
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There are 2 trillion
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—Hea tl
April 1999.
if The average woman has
increased hey annual
sugar, corn syrup and
other high calorie
sweetener intake by 27 ■
pounds since 1986.
—Health Magazine:
April 1999*
*