‘Mildly Perverted’ author offers candid tales
■Jonathan Ames has made
himself known with his dry
humor and casual approach
to telling his stories
By Mason West
Oregon Daily Emerald
“I had my first colonic the oth
er day, and for me, it was a dream
come true.”
Writer Jonathan Ames does
such an incredible job finding
opening sentences that it
seemed only appropriate to use
one of his. His rare ability to
write casually about having
tubes stuck up his butt with the
intent of washing out the bow
els is captivatingly honest.
The above quote begins a sto
ry called “I Shit My Pants in the
South of France,” one of 33 vi
gnettes in his latest book,
“What’s Not To Love? — The
Adventures of a Mildly Pervert
ed Young Writer” (Vintage
Books, $13). Like his opening
sentences, Ames picks his titles
(both of the book and the sto
ries) with care. The book’s title
perfectly explains the inexplica
ble material it contains.
However, “Mildly Perverted”
may be an understatement, de
pending on individual tolerance
for filth. Ames writes about
sleeping with transsexuals who
have had “the surgery,” calling ho
mosexual phone-sex lines, endors
ing his friend’s brand of prosthetic
vaginas and engaging in more mas
turbation than a sailor could ever
fathom.
If it were fiction, it would only
take a mildly perverted person to
imagine the material. But this book
is not fiction. It is a memoir. These
are his personal experiences and
thoughts.
Somehow, Ames is able to take
these events with which most peo
ple would not claim association
and tell them openly and comfort
ably. And it is fuh-nee\
But this book is not entirely new
material to the public. Many of the
stories are columns he wrote for
the New York Post. Still, the small
vignettes can be read over and over
without losing their punch. Ames’s
dry humor is covered up by the ex
otic nature of what he writes about.
The most enjoyable thing about
his writing style is his frankness.
That’s why the leads are so good.
He writes about topics in a simple
way that instantly connects read
ers to his memories in a very per
sonal way.
In the story “Roxanne of the Jer
sey Shore,” he writes the following
passage: “She was only sixteen and
her shirt came off and her erect
nipples were like extra-long rubber
pencil erasers.”
Ames was 18 years old when
this happened, so it’s not as per
verted as it could be. Later in life,
he tends to just think about rav
aging 16-year-old girls. Still, his
topics get much more graphic.
Ames writes so well that his per
versions don’t seem perverted. In
stead of isolating himself with his
stories, he draws readers in and
makes them feel empathy for him.
Here we get back to the title ques
tion: “What’s Not to Love?”
Even though Ames is only talk
ing about himself, the book has a
counseling quality. Ames’ open
ness with his perversions by de
fault makes it OK for other people
to be perverted. It’s like Kahlil
Gibran’s “The Prophet,” only for
perverts. Both books’ chapters
stand alone and can be turned to
for guidance in times of need.
Ames’s chapter “An Erection is a
Felony” could be called “On
Voyeurism.”
Ames is not condoning his ac
tions — just telling a story. He tells
of his negative consequences (such
as venereal diseases and an illegiti
mate son) as much as his triumphs.
So, if anybody gets arrested for
indecent exposure, don’t say,
“Jonathan Ames made me do it.”
Mason West is the senior Pulse reporter
at the Oregon Daily Emerald. He can be
reached at masonwest@dailyemerald.com.
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Wednesday, October 3,2001