Friday
Editor in chief: Jack Clifford
Managing Editor: Jessica Blanchard
Newsroom: (541) 346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
EDITORIAL EDITOR: MICHAEL J. KLECKNER opededitor@journalist.com
Shooby Dooby Doo,
WHERE
ARE
YOU?
Well, the ASUO elections finally
devolved into pettiness and
the Emerald editorial board sat
around lamenting this situa
tion recently. Grievances about posters (peo
ple took down other people’s posters — who
could have imagined?) coupled with seem
ingly inane and overly specific postering
rules left a bad taste in our mouths. What
happened to the issues in the last few days of
the election?
We decided a few gin and tonics would
wash away the unpleasant flavor of recent
election events. As we reclined leisurely in
our lush and luxuriously appointed offices,
engaging each other in intellectual dis
course about the election situation, we
sipped our drinks and enjoyed hot-oil mas
sages from well-built masseurs and
masseuses.
Our discussion was going nowhere, so we
did what we always do at edit board meet
ings: We turned on our 120” projection TV to
ease our minds. (Thanks to a recent budget
cut from the Programs Finance Committee,
we had to get rid of our in-house movie the
ater.)
Lo and behold, our favorite cartoon, Shoo
bv Doo, was on, and our intrepid mystery
solving characters were in the process of
solving the ASUO Election Poster Mystery!
We were excited, so another round of drinks
was prepared and we sat back to watch the
action unfold.
Letters to the editor
Two dynamic women for ASUO
Nilda Brooklyn and Joy Nair are the most
qualified candidates to lead the ASUO in
governing the University of Oregon student
body. The experience of these two dynamic
young women far outdistances their compe
tition’s, while both maintain an element of
humanity that allows them to be approach
able.
I have had the privilege of working side
by-side with these two during the OSCC
racial profiling Week of Action and found it
refreshing to converse with candidates
whose contact with student groups did not
come only during their election bid. They
know the inner workings and technical as
pects of presiding over the student body and
the ASUO, but realize that communication
and human interaction are the best tools for
solving the problems that confront the stu
dent body.
No candidate represents the entire student
body, but the two on the 2001-2002 presi
dential ticket who are willing to listen and
act on the concerns of the students, in addi
tion to asserting a strong personal position,
are Nilda Brooklyn and Joy Nair.
Dylan Domaille
, ... r freshmaq
undeclared
Giovanni Salimena Emerald
Shooby, Skaggy, Tad, Daphnia and Thel
ma hop into their Mystery Van with a bunch
of groovy paraphernalia and speed off into
the distance.
When our heroes arrive at the University,
Skaggy and Shooby jump out, eager to get to
work on the mystery. The other three crime
fighters promptly disappear to “look for
clues,” which really means engaging in pri
vate fun in the van.
Skaggy and Shooby head off across cam
pus, eager to spot postering-rule violations.
They don’t find much during the day be
sides Frisbee players and some tasty tofu.
As evening settles in, Skaggy and Shooby
eat a few “Shooby-dooby snacks” and start
feeling pretty mellow. While walking along
13th Avenue, however, they see a shadowy
figure pulling posters off a bulletin board.
The shadowy figure frightens our dynamic
duo, so they run about crazily for a few Min
utes. ;\V
When they regain their composure, Skah
gy notices a puddle of drool near the bulletin
board. As they check other locations, they \
find more drool, and they realize that some
OUS policy incoherent
The recent OUS policy requiring the Uni
versity to conduct business in a “straightfor
ward and impartial manner” seems to have
created unwarranted fatalism among the me
dia and some activists with respect to the
University’s membership in the WRC.
I disagree with the notion that the new
OUS policy necessarily ends conduct codes
and the University's affiliation with monitor
ing groups. The OUS policy states that the
University and other schools can refuse busi
ness with contractors engaged in illegal ac
tivities. This may preclude cracking down
on multinational corporations that do not
pay a living wage, have unsafe working con
ditions and/or engage in union-busting ac
tivities.
However, the University may still hold
businesses accountable for not complying
with the laws of the countries in which they
produce (no matter how weak these laws
are). As such, a monitoring organization
would be highly consistent with the OUS’s
new policy, even if it means watered-down
conduct codes and accountability standards.
Of course, it is also worth noting that the
new OUS policy is logically incoherent: It
simply compels universities to conduct busi
ness in a different, thinly-veiled political
manner.
Max Brown
GTF
political science
one has removed every single Bailey-and
Oliver poster from campus. Egads!
Near midnight, they see a large, shadowy
figure tacking 65 OSPIRG posters to one tee
ny-tiny bulletin board in PLC. Skaggy and
Shooby go running to catch the law-breaker,
but it ambles away. It appears to be a mon
strously large wraith with horrible fangs and
a hooded face, drooling profusely. What —
or who—could it be?
In the morning, the University is in an up
roar. Someone has slid Bret-and-Matt
posters under the door of every “dorm”
room, classroom and faculty office on cam
pus! Running on absolutely no sleep, the
ASUO Elections Board braces for another
long evening of grievance hearings.
To make matters worse, it’s discovered in
the afternoon that someone has used every
office phone on campus to make calls for
Nilda and Joy. What to do? Multiple griev
ances are filed; so many that the young,
crack reporter for the Oregon Daily Demerol
can’t keep up. So many stories to write!
Skaggy and Shooby are determined to get
to the bottom of the mystery. While snoop
ing around Johnson Hall for leftover rice and
veggies from last year’s camp-out, our heroes
discover a bucket of fake drool stashed in the
bushes near University President Dave
Frohnmayer’s vehicle.
Inspired, they rush into Frohnmayer’s of
fice. Tad, Daphnia and Thelma are already
there, as usual. While taking a whiz in the
bushes after “looking for clues,” Tad discov
ered the bucket of fake drool. Sure enough,
Frohnmayer had been using it, along with
his wraith,costume and fake teeth, to trick
' r • *
everyone.
“All I wanted was a little respect,” Frohn
mayer cries. “Does anyone respect my au
thority? No, and I’m the darn president! So I
decided to get back at all you bratty kids and
ruin your elections. That would have com
pletely destroyed campus democracy and
left the University under my total control.
Ha ha ha ha!”
‘It’s a good thing we stopped you,” Skaggy
says, kind of dazed.
“Yup,” Shooby agrees, and eats another
pawful of Shooby-dooby snacks.
Frohnmayer is led away by the Elections
Board in handcuffs, looking terribly defeat
ed.
“I would have gotten away with it, too, if it
wasn’t for you meddling kids. ”
As we turn off the TV and try to decide
how best to show our dissatisfaction with
the grievance nonsense, we discover we’re
out of gin. The meeting’s adjourned, and we
all flee the building with no idea of what to
write, except the following:
Remember to vote next week in the ASUO
general election. Voting is available on Duck
Web 24 hours a day from Monday through
Thursday.
Disclaimer: The above scenario is completely ficti
tious from beginning to end, except for the idea that
there was an Emerald editorial board meeting and
that last bit about voting next week. Expect a more
serious tone for our next editorial, after we’re done
“looking for dues."
This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald
editorial board. Responses can be sent to ode@ore
gon.uoregon.edu.
Leftfield
Frank Silva