PULSE EDITOR: MONICA HANDE
V m r <* o i I e n F11 m
TWO REPORTERS BANTER ABOUT THE FILMS YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER OR ARE TRYING TO FORGET
‘The Ice Pirates’
Starring: Robert Urich, Mary Crosby,
John Matuszak and Anjelica Huston
This is quite possibly one
of the most awful movies
of all time. In fact, it’s so
bad that at times, it ven
tures into being hilariously funny,
even if you’re laughing at how
horrible it is.
“The Ice Pirates” is set in the
distant future, where evil “Tem
plars” control the only source of
water in the galaxy. However, Ja
son (Robert Urich) and his band of
“ice pirates” hijack space
freighters and steal their water.
Along the way, he meets up with a
princess who is searching for her
father. This merry band spends a
good portion of the film escaping
predicaments, fleeing pursuers
and looking for the fabled “sev
enth world,” a mythical water
planet.
Mason: Yeah, I think Kevin
Costner lives there.
Josh: Mythical water planet? Ice
pirates? What the hell is going on
here? I saw the movie twice, and
I’m still wondering what the
movie was about, exactly.
So, after lots of cheesy special
effects, several spaceship chases,
swashbuckling swordplay —
swords in space? — and a weird
time-warp montage, our heroes
manage to save the day.
Commentary
Josh Ryneal &
Mason West
The special effects were proba
bly one of the worst things about
this movie: bad laser beams, ro
bots that were obviously people
in rubber suits and the gawd-aw
ful Space Herpe, which looked
like a festering sausage with a
mouth.
Mason: I had no idea what pur
pose the Space Herpe served in
the movie, other than completely
grossing me out.
Josh: I had trouble keeping my
lunch down after seeing that one.
Especially when it came out of the
Thanksgiving turkey. Blecch.
All in all, this movie is proba
bly one of those films that you re
member as kicking butt when you
were a kid. But see it now, and
you’ll be slapping your
head in disgust and
laughing at the aw
ful spectacle
that is “The
Ice Pi
rates.”
Ma
son: My
favorite
part was
the jive
talkin'
pimp
robot.
Josh:
I’d have
to say
that I re
ally liked
the time
warp se
quence,
where every
body was mov
ing really slowly
and then zipping
around getting older
and growing beards
giant white afros.
Rent this
film at your
own risk.
and
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Fatboy Slim
Halfway Between the Cutter and the Stars, Astrelwerks/Skint, by Steve Lichtenstein
While not as sonically engaging as his million-selling predecessor. You've Come A Long Way, Baby, largely due to lack of the surprise factor
and freshness, Fatboy Slim's latest still packs a punch bouncy enough to be more than used CD bin fodder. Despite some missteps, like the
spacey Jim Morrison vocal track "Sunset (Bird of Prey)," Halfway manages to keep the party going with standard-feeling Fatboy fare like "Star
69" and "Mad Flava." But what carries the album are the guest vocals, especially Macy Cray's two gravelly dynamos, the gospel tinged, "Praise
You "-esque " Demons," and the funkafied "Love Life." All in all. Halfway is a solid party effort that leaves you wanting to see Slim get all the
way there next time. CPA: 3.1 - Take time to "Praise ": "Demons," "Talkin''Bout My Baby," "Love Life"
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TIME BETWEEN GRAMMY AWARDS SHOWS?
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