Thursday
Editor in chief: Jack Clifford
Managing Editor: Jessica Blanchard
Newsroom: (541)346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
EDITORIAL EDITOR: MICHAEL J. KLECKNER opededitor@journalist.com
Shakespeare was Right—Again
CAPTAIN
SENSIBLE
PAT PAYNE
hat Bill Shakespeare. Defi
nitely a fount of good
ideas. “The first thing we
do, let’s kill all the
lawyers.”
OK, maybe not all. It’s not the
profession that’s the problem, but
the people in it today.
Lawyers, at least in this country,
used to have a heroic stature in the
minds of the public. Abraham Lin
coln was a well-respected lawyer
before being elected president.
Clarence Darrow and William Jen
nings Bryan squared off in the cele
brated “monkey trial” in Tennessee
in the 1920s, debating humanity’s
right to question the way the world
works. In the 1950s, Thurgood
Marshall argued Brown vs. Board
of Education, a case that finally put
the first cracks in state-sponsored
segregation. In fiction, too, lawyers
were portrayed as champions: Erie
Stanley Gardner’s “Perry Mason”
novels and the subsequent 1950s
TV program showed ethical people
defending the unjustly accused.
Now? Goodbye, Perry. Make way
for Lionel Hutz, the incompetent,
unethical attorney retained by Bart
Simpson. Lawyers today are most
ly seen as little more than lawsuit
initiators or slick talkers who will
do anything to win a case, and who
seem to have all the compassion of
a mercenary toward their clients.
A case in point is the prolifera
tion of lawsuits today by people
who make Forrest Gump look like
Albert Einstein. Of course you re
member in 1996, when McDon
ald’s was sued by a woman charg
ing that its coffee scalded her. Duh,
if one puts a Styrofoam cup be
tween one’s legs while driving,
there is a chance of liquid spilling
out. And hot liquids do have a ten
dency to scald. But thanks to her
lawyers, she won a multi-million
dollar settlement.
Another payday for dimwits is in
the offing, with a man in Atlanta
suing the makers of “Liquid Fire”
drain cleaner because he was
burned by the stuff. How was he
burned, you ask? Dimwit number
two thought the original, spill
proof container was “too flimsy,”
and so decided to move it into a
safer container. Guess what? It
spilled. The Man With Less Com
mon Sense Than a Lemming is tak
ing the company to court, claiming
that the original bottle design
“forced” him to transfer the goop.
Finally, former Eagles frontman
Don Henley is faced with not only a
lawyer, but a lawyer with a the
saurus. According to the Associat
ed Press, a fan at an Oct. 4 concert
claims Henley whacked her with a
maraca while she was taking a pho
tograph. Her lawsuit alleges “high
l v unpleasant mental reactions, in
cluding fright, horror, disappoint
ment, chagrin, worry, disgrace, em
barrassment (pause for breath),
indignity, ridicule, shame, humili
ation, anger and outrage.”
Sounds more like she’s suing
over high ticket prices. Y’know, |
some celebs are touchy about
having their pictures taken (for in
stance, Sean Penn), so perhaps a
tap with a maraca just means “put
the camera away.” By the way,
there were enough witnesses, so
why not charge him with assault?
Why all the lawsuits today?
Some sav thatit’s just modem soci
ety - people looking for monetary
satisfaction to soothe their injured
egos - or that it’s a “something-for
nothing” mindset. I don’t think it’s
either. While there are lawsuits that
need to be filed, such as lawsuits
against patently defective products
or wrongful deaths, or lawsuits
seeking redress for atrocities, most
of the “nimrod” lawsuits like the
three above are, in my opinion,
filed because there are too many
lawyers. For every Erin Brock
ovich, there are 20 “whiplash
lawyers. ” And they’re all hungry to
get work. They probably go looking
for cases like Dances-With-Drain
Cieaner in Atlanta and convince
the booh that he can cash in on his
idiocy.
My solution? Close down all law
schools for about 20 years. We've
got too many lawyers today, and
adding to that number isn’t gonna
help. Why don’t you lawyers-to-be
become
pastry
chefs, or per
haps quantum
physicists?
Pat Payne is a
columnist
for the
Oregon
Daily
Emer
ald. His
views
do not
neces
sarily
repre
sent
those of
the Emerald
He can be
reached at
Macross_SD@hot
mail.com.
Bryan Dixon Emerald
Young would bring bipartisan spirit to Legislature
Maie Representative, District
40—William Young
Campus-area voters are fortunate
to have two strong mainstream can
didates and one longtime activist
voice to choose
from for their
state represen
tative, District
40 covers the
residence halls
and the cam
pus proper, and
the editorial
board was di
vided on who
WILLIAM YOUNG to endorse.
Karl Sorg, as a Socialist candi
date, may garner only meager sup
port, but he seemed principled and
heartfelt in his beliefs. His most in
triguing idea was taxing the ex
tremely wealthy as much as 90 per
cent. Finance-reform enthusiasts
take note — Sorg spent only his
own money to campaign. He also
wants health care made more equi
table — poor people paying less
and rich people paying more for
medical care. We’re pleased his
voice was added to this race, and
we hope the winner takes some of
his ideas to Salem.
Phil Barnhart, chair of the Lane
County Democratic Party, knows
the district well —- he’s lived here
for 51 years — and has been in poli
tics since 1990. We agreed with
Barnhart’s ideas about education
and health care, and he also made
an important point about taxes that
voters should remember when de
ciding the ballot measures: “Money
coming in through the tax system
equals programs that people sav
they want.”
Overall, however, Barnhart
sounded a bit too partisan. Whatev
er party has the majority in the Ore
gon Legislature after the election,
our representatives must work to
gether. As chair of the local Democ
rats, how could Barnhart not have
an eye on the partisan game?
Barnhart’s Republican opponent,
William Young, is a newcomer to
the game who seems remarkably
moderate. For a veterinarian who
was a write-in candidate in the pri
mary, he has learned about the is
sues quickly and spoke to them
well.
Young expresses interest in kids
and education at every step. He fo
cused on early education programs,
teaching life skills and computer
literacy through high school, and
he prioritizes education funding in
order to retain quality instructors.
Young wants to provide prescrip
tions at a low cost through bulk
purchases or state contracts. He em
phasized conserving the environ
ment and offering tax credits for al
ternative transportation and
alternative energies, such as wind
power. He’s in favor of rehabilita
tion, especially for first-time of
fenders, instead of simple incarcer
ation. And while he prioritizes
education, health and public safety
binding, he wants to save money as
well as spend it by cutting the' fat
from contractors who bid for public
jobs and by retaining departments’
excess money at the end of the fis
cal year.
Young also clarified his position
on Measure 9, which The Register
Guard reported incorrectly (it did
run a correction): He is opposed to £
Measure 9.
Most important to us, however,
was Young’s sense of bipartisan
ship. If Democrats control the Leg
islature, Young will work with
them. If the Republicans retain
power, Young seems focused on
working across the aisle to solve
problems. And although there is
concern about sending an relatively
inexperienced representative to
Salem, we liked the fact that he is
not a veteran politician. As Young
said, “Politicians focus too much
on the party line and not enough on
Oregon.” Vote for Young, and you’ll
be voting for Oregon.
This editorial represents the opinion of
the Emerald editorial board. Responses
can be sent to ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
Tax-cutting measures would increase college tuition
Guest Commentary
EricJ
Bailey
What motivates Bill Sizemore
and Don Mclntire? What are they
thinking? Why is it that they con
stantly insist on throwing bad tax
break measures at us that only
benefit the filthy, stinking rich? I
don’t know the answer to these
questions, but I will to tell you
why I’m voting NO on Measure 8
and NO on Measure 91, and why I
think you should as well.
Who benefits from this tax
break? Definitely NOT your aver
age college student. It's a fact that
TUITION PRICES WOULD RISE if
either Measure 8 or Measure 91
passes. They would cut our state
budget by more than $1 billion
(maybe $2 billion) in a budget that
has around $10 billion. Every esti
mate that I have heard about how
much our tuition would rise has
been between 20 percent and 90
percent. Can you afford that? I
know I can’t. Want to know the
only group that really benefits from
these tax breaks? THE RICH.
You will not even see a penny of
this tax break unless you earn
381,000 or more. Moreover, you
might actually feel a tax increase if
you earn less than $81,000, be
cause of the fact that it will get rid
of “the kicker,” which reimburses
Oregonians if all tax revenue was
not used during the budget
process.
Sizemore has said that the cuts
in programs would be no worse if
Measure 91 passes than they were
after the infamous Measure 5
passed years ago ... NEWSFLASH:
University tuition skyrocketed af
ter that horrible measure. However
this measure is different than Mea
sure 5 ... IT’S WORSE. Measure 5
was a terrible tax cut that gutted
many state programs and was a ma
jor setback to quality education in
Oregon. K-12 class sizes went from
being around the 4th best in the na
tion to about 25th. Measure 91
would make us even lower on that
list, after we have to lay off thou
sands more teachers while enroll
ment increases.
I don’t know about you, but I
know I don’t want ro vote for meas
ures that will just let a few million
aires buy an extra yacht or big
screen TV at the expense of quality
state programs and education.
These measures mean less money
for the Oregon Health Plan, police
and fire services, road repairs, K-12
education, state university budgets
and anything else you can think of
that’s funded by our state.
It's time we unite to say NO to
Sizemore and Mclntire. It's time to
say that we've had enough of tax
breaks that only benefit the rich
and cut too far into good state pro
grams and education. Vote NO on 8
and vote NO on 91.
Eric J. Bailey is the ASUO Student Senate
vice president.