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Message boards: Your forum for dialogue on topics from student
government to entertainment. wWW.dailyemerald.com
Older lover nothing but trouble
Dear Harlan,
I'm a 19-year-old that’s been in
dependent since I was 11 years
old. I met a woman that happened
to be an ex-girlfriend’s mom. For
some reason, we started hanging
out and we fell for each other very
seriously. She’s 40 and has been
though some heavy things with
other men. Once we got together,
we really made each other happy.
Everyone seems to disapprove of
our relationship. The entire town
thinks it’s wrong. Common sense
says its a bad idea, but we both
love each other with all of our
hearts. Should I forget about our 6
months of bliss and go on with my
life or should I follow my heart?
Heart
Dear Heart,
What kind of woman dates her
daughter’s ex-boyfriend? It’s not
surprising that your mother, I
mean girlfriend, has found so
much trouble in her past. She
seems to have a natural ability to
seek it out. There’s no question
that you're a mature guy who has
been through a lot. And I'm sure
this woman is incredibly comfort
ing and makes you feel good in so
many ways, but try to be an objec
tive observer and tell me that you
think this is a good idea?
The age difference alone is rea
son to be concerned, but every
thing combined turns concern
into alarm. This woman is either
seeking to recapture her youth or
trying to avoid dealing with
something in her present, but
there’s something wrong. You
might be in bliss, but be very care
ful because this woman is trouble.
This is a mature woman who
knows how to handle a 19-year
old teenager looking for a mother
figure and stability. Any woman
who has a history of man prob
lems and then dates her daugh
ter’s ex-boyfriend is a woman to
avoid. The age difference plus her
history gives common sense the
clear edge over the heart.
Dear Harlan,
There are three girls in my life
right now and this is unfortunate
ly a big problem. The first girl, let's
call here K, is an old girlfriend.
She broke up with me because she
thought I wasn't sensitive enough.
The second has a crush on me, but
I just want to be friends. The third
likes me and I like her, but only in
a one date sexual kind of way. The
problem is that the one I really like
is K, but now she isn't interested. I
have totally changed; I am more
sensitive and not a jerk anymore.
How do I get her back in my life?
Former Jerk
Dear Former Jerk,
The only thing worse then hav
ing three girls is four or possibly
even five. But the third girl is the
most intriguing to me. You like
her and she likes you, but only in
a one date sexual kind of way.
You could always just skip to the
second date and avoid the sex.
You can tell your ex you've
changed, but the only way to
make a difference is to show her
that you've changed. Any jerk can
talk about it, but it takes a sensi
tive jerk to show her that you've
really made some changes. Do
something loving and show her
the new you. Give her a card or
take her to a special place or
write her a heartfelt poem. Show
her that you're willing to be com
pletely vulnerable and totally
sensitive and SHOW her you're
different. If she won't date you
again then just be her friend. If
you're really no longer a jerk
she'll naturally find herself dis
covering the new you over the
next few months. And if she’s still
not interested choose wisely and
never make the mistake of being
an insensitive jerk again.
Dear Harlan,
My closest friend has been in
two very close but stormy rela
tionships that broke up badly and
made her quite depressed. She's
been getting therapy and antide
pressants, and now she's been go
ing out with a new guy for a few
months. She started seeing him
only about two months after her
last relationship broke up. I like
and trust her new boyfriend, and
she says she's never been happier,
but I'm still really worried about
whether she’s ready to be in a new
relationship and what she’s going
to do if he hurts her again. Am I be
ing overprotective? (I almost think
of her as a little sister.) Or should I
talk to her about my concerns?
Worried
Dear Worried,
She’s going to go from de
pressed to paranoid with you
watching her every move.
You're a good friend, but you
need to mind your own business.
She’s on anti-depressants, and
she’s in therapy. Between her doc
tor, her drug regimen and her
family she probably doesn't need
a friend watching her every
move. Let her attempt to be happy
without interfering and find
something else to worry about. It’s
cool to be a concerned friend, but
she needs to live her life. If any
thing, let her know you're always
there for her and try not to worry
so much.
Harlan is not a licensed psychologist,
therapist or physician, but he is a li
censed driver. Write Harlan via e-mail at
harlan@helpmeharlan.com or online
at: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters
submitted become the property of the
column.
Metallica
continued from page 7
teresting addition, as was the giant
blow-up hand giving the crowd
the finger.
But unlike the other two bands,
Kid Rock pulled it off. Somehow,
he straddled that delicate balance
and gave an explosive perform
ance including his biggest hit
“Bawitdaba” and the ballad “Cow
boy.” Even his rendition of the
Grand Funk Railroad’s “We’re an
American Band” was dynamic.
Korn followed, and succeeded
in really making Kid look good.
Their live performance was
nowhere near the quality of their
CD and singer Jonathon Davis' at
tempt at uniqueness — he wore a
kilt and played the bagpipes —
was a miserable failure.
Even the girl next to me who
was wearing a Korn shirt seemed
put off when the crowd realized
the bagpipe playing was a hoax, as
the eerie melody continued when
he put down the instrument.
Metallica finally arrived on the
scene at 9 p.m. — five hours after
the concert had begun — to show
the wannabes how it’s done. Look
ing more like yuppies who
stepped off the golf course than a
rock band, Metallica showed that
it’s about the music, not just the
show. Every song was rich with
melody and meaning, literally
music to my ears after the abuse
they received from Korn.
And they gave the crowd what
they wanted, playing “Unforgiv
en,” “Fade to Black,” “Master of
Puppets” and other classics from
an earlier decade of rock. Fire
works and a light show only
added class to the performance, as
did Metallica choosing not to
scream profanity at the crowd, a
tactic of the other bands.
While Metallica outshined the
others immeasurably, it was obvi
ous it wasn’t just a well-polished
show but the product of years of
working and succeeding together.
Metallica closed the Summer San
itarium Tour with a finish that
wrapped up their performance
with a single word: indescribable.
http://craftcenter.uoregon.edu
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