Editor in chief: Laura Cadiz
Editorial Editors: Bret Jacobson, Laura Lucas
Newsroom: (541)346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
Thursday
May 25,2000
Volume 101, Issue 160
EHierald
istinguished 2000 graduates and fami
lies, faculty, staff and friends:
Thank you for your kind invitation
to address this gathering. I had a little
bit of trouble getting from Concord to Eu
gene, but transportation has certainly
evolved in my day. Many of you may know
me from my Web site, Waldenpond.com, or
from my best-selling motivational tapes
like “Power for Power’s Sake” and “Inner
Peace in 10 Easy Steps.” Before the cyber
era, I was better known for my hermetic
ways and the occasional op-ed piece in the
Christian Science Monitor.
The day has come once again when a
passel of smart, eager graduates is un
leashed on the world at-large. The question
is not whether you are ready to join that
world, but rather, is it ready for you? My
hope is that it is, that the gifts and talents
you are endowed with can find a home be
yond the ivy-colored walls of the Universi
ty
You will soon be besieged by kindly,
wen-comea men ana women onenng you
the opportunity to provide their companies
. with high*skilled, low-paid labor. Many of
these smooth-talking recruiters will outline
various perks and promises involving ben
efits like discounted employee parking on
the company lot (for drivers of company
approved vehicles), ^comprehensive 21
meal-per-week plan and all the rice cakes
and candy canes you can eat. They
will ply you with unlimited access
to strategically placed company
water coolers and quadrenni
al computer upgrades. They
may even offer you the
chance to be a bat boy on the
company softball team.
Too good to be true?
That depends on how you look at it.
True, there’s never been a better time to
work for the American corporation. The re
cent sea change in corporate culture and
governance stemming from the World
Trade Organization protests in Seattle have
resulted in significant shifts in workplace
values and practices. The nameless, face
less corporation is rapidly ceding power to
sensitive, caring corporate executives with
actual names and faces. These kinder, gen
tler souls value mentoring the young em
ployees who they fear will one day take
their jobs. Used to be they were only inter
ested in career advancement, situational
truth-telling and unabashed self-interest. I
never thought the day would come. But it
is now upon us.
In fact, I was at one point so discouraged
about the state of things in our land that I
decided to leave it all behind and live in
the woods near Concord for a year without
Internet access, a microwave, central heat
and air or even MTV. It was tough — I
won’t kid you — but I found it a useful ex
ercise and even wrote a book about the ex
perience. A case of art imitating life, I sup
pose.
But really, enough about me. Let’s talk
about you. A diverse group with many tal
ents, I have little doubt that one day mem
bers of your class will make significant
contributions to the American way of life
that we prize so highly. Sitting among you
today are future franchise operators of fast
food outlets, gifted entrepreneurs with bril
liant new ideas for maximizing sources of
low-paid child labor and scientists who
will one day be able to clone Jean-Claude
Van Damme and Tonya Harding. In the
same person!
I would be remiss not to speak to those
who long to take what Robert Frost pre
sciently termed “The Road Less Traveled.”
There is a place in this incredible bounty
for you as well. Your artistic talents will be
in great demand in situations as diverse as
writing fresh new jin
gles for laundry de
tergents, creating
company-approved
cafeteria artwork and
choreographing the
Corporate Round
table’s annual rap
production. Aren’t
those guys cool?
So while you may
find me a bit of a
Pollyanna, I should
take pains to point
out the potential
downside. If you
somehow resist the blandishments of the
establishment and decide to follow your
heart, you could be in for a bumpy ride.
You may find yourself having uncontrol
lable bursts of creativity and glee. You may
find that relaxation and contentment can
be a way of life, not just an infrequent occu
pational hazard. You may rediscover your
body and learn to listen to what it needs at
the expense of stuffing your head at the all
you-can-think mind buffet. You may actu
ally get a sense of why you’re here and
what you’re here to do, like those shaggy
haired existentialists at Out of the Fog.
A bleak prognosis?
Perhaps.
But I thought it important to give you a
balanced picture of the road that lies ahead.
It’s now time for me to catch the coach
back to Concord. Thank you again for hav
ing me. May your future be bright and lu
crative.
And don’t forget to visit my Web site.
. Whit Sheppard is a columnist for the Oregon
k Daily Emerald. His views do not necessarily
w represent those of the Emerald. He can be
reached via e-mail at whitneys@darkwing.
uoregon.edu.
Whit
Sheppard
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