Breakin
Up
and getting on with life
The time right after a break up can be miserable for anyone. Feelings are
trampled on, emotions are running wild, and being mean to one another
can seem like the best way to lessen the pain. Fortunately, there are bet
ter ways to handle this difficult period.
A good thing to do is determine what break up “stage” you are at. Are
you or your significant other getting ready to break things off, or has it
already happened? Maybe you're still pining about a long-ended past love.
Whatever stage you're at, recognizing it can be the start of the healing
process.
in your own life. Often the person who ends the relationship is ready to
be friends sooner than the person who has been left. It's important to be
sensitive to the feelings of someone who might still be hurting.Try not to
ask too much of that person too soon.
If you're feeling lonely and dejected, make a list of all the things you've
been meaning to do or always wanted to do. Start with about ten things.
Pick a close friend, or go by yourself, and do at least one of those things
every week until you are really over your relationship.You might have lost
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■I a lover, but you'll end ud learning new things
First, if you are about to break up with some
one. .. then just do it It's not fair to either of
you to wait One more day won't make it any
easier. That doesn't mean to drop the news
right before finals, or on his or her birthday. It
means that in a respectful and thoughtful way,
let everyone get on with their lives.
Second, if the relationship has already
ended, acknowledge it. During this period
you may be feeling myriad emotions: confu
sion, betrayal, anger, sadness. Remember that
you just lost someone who was a part of
your life. It is completely natural to grieve. In
fact, allowing yourself a grieving period may
be the best thing you can do. However, don't
turn grieving into self-pity or self-doubt. Just
because one person decided that you are not
the perfect match for him or her does not
mean you are not the one for someone else.
Besides, you shouldn't want to be with some
one who doesn't think you are the greatest
person in the world. Be happy to have the
chance to find that person.That is what you,
and every individual, deserves.
Grieving periods vary depending on individ
uals and the depth of the relationship, but you
need to set limits. Losing months and months
and accomplishing some of your dreams.
Before long, you'll be glad the relationship is
over. Or at the very least, you will gain some
perspective. Staying active both physically and
mentally can do wonders for getting over an
ex. It gets your mind out of your situation
and helps you focus on the future.
Other things you might want to do when a
relationship ends:
■ Throw away or hide old photos and/or
objects that remind you of your past love. If
you think there’s any chance that the objects
might someday conjure up old feelings of
fondness, put them way out of sight until
you're ready. Don't torture yourself.
■ Pamper yourself! Go out with friends; join a
gym; go shopping — whatever it takes to get
your mind off it.
■ Make an effort to meet new people.
* Renew your spiritual beliefs.
■ Go on a few casual dates.
■ Take a vacation or day trip with a group of
friends.
■ Talk about your break up and your feelings.
■ Enjoy being single for a while. It can be
of your life grieving over a bad relationship is not healthy. If you are feel
ing seriously depressed, by all means, seek the support of your friends,
family, and if necessary, a professional counselor. After your grieving peri
od, it's time to start moving on.That may sound easier said than done, but
there are ways to do this successfully! Ask yourself how much time you
are willing to lose; how much of your life are you going to sacrifice for
something that's over? Remember that time is something you can never get
back. Be protective of it. It's yours to control.
Once you have acknowledged that a relationship is truly over, the best
solution is to surround yourself with your true friends. Go out.Try to have
fun. Even if you don't have fun at first, keep going out. After a while you'll
be so annoyed that you aren't having fun that you will likely give in and start
enjoying yourself. If you ended the relationship, you have every right to go
out and have fun as well. It’s always best to try not to put yourself in places
where you might end up seeing your former lover too soon. This can be
hurtful to both of you and doesn't really allow you the chance to move on
more run!
- Have a girl or guy’s night out.
® Whatever happens, know that there isn’t anything that you alone can’t
handle!
And finally, hold off for a while on finding a new love, as tempting as it
might be. Rebound relationships, while they might initially ease the pain of
past loves, are almost always doomed from the beginning. When entering
into any type of relationship, it's important to really know the person. In
most cases, rebound relationships don't allow that "get-to-know-each
other" period. If you do find someone who sparks your interest... at least
take it slow. If it's meant to be, you'll be glad you did! This also applies to
getting back together with your ex. If something happened that was strong
enough to end the relationship the first time, it's pretty safe to say that the
same issues could come up again. If romantic feelings are too strong for
you to resist, then follow the same advice for rebound relationships.. .take
it slow! Who knows, you may enjoy that dating stage again!
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