Fathers have a support group of their own
■ A new group offers dads a place to grow into nurturers
by sharing common concerns and learning from each
other’s problems and experiences
Murian uruz
for the Emerald
Surrounded by children’s paint
ings that hang at the eye level of a
4-year-old , in a room of clay-spot
ted carpet and building blocks, fa
thers have started to meet and ask
questions.
Sitting in chairs made for their
sons or daughters, they look at
each other waiting for the answers
— answers they hope will make
them the best dads they can be.
Since mid-January, members of
i i / wanted to create a
place that dads could
come and talk...
Dennis Reynolds
EMU Child Care
Coordinator
n
the Fathers Support Group have
met to discuss what's on their
minds. This new group, which
meets every Tuesday at Westmore
land preschool, allows fathers to
trade parenting secrets with each
other. It also allows them to ex
press their reservations regarding
their parenting decisions while
gaining reassurance that what they
are doing is the right thing.
“My worst nightmare is making
the same mistakes that my father
made with me,” said Dave Gingold
about his 4-year-old son Marceo.
“I want to know if I’ve given my
son the skills he needs to survive
in the world.
Dennis Reynolds, the founder of
the Fathers Support Group and a
father himself, said he got the idea
after hearing so much about
women’s support groups.
“I wanted to create a place that
dads could come and talk about
their concerns,” said Reynolds,
the EMU child care coordinator.
Reynolds, who has worked at
his University position for almost
10 years, claimed that he is deal
ing with single fathers on an in
creasing basis. Furthermore, the
role of the father is changing. In the
past, fathers were looked at as the
disciplinarian, breadwinner or the
“tough guy.”
Today, fathers must transition
from disciplinarian to nurturer, a
move Reynolds said he hopes to
achieve through the group. Al
though the group is in its infancy,
the concerns these fathers have are
as old as children’s excuses.
The dads, who sit surrounded
by frayed children’s books, broken
crayons and unfinished projects,
talk about the everyday battles
with their children. One dad talks
about how he struggles to get his
child to brush his teeth before bed.
Before his sentence is over, the
other dads chime in with “I have
the same problem,” and a visible
sigh of relief washes over their
faces.
A new problem these fathers en
counter is leaving their children at
day care.
“My son rips my heart out when
he cries ‘Daddy, come back’ as I
. Ryan Starkweather Emerald
Dennis Reynolds (right), EMU Child Care Coordinator, talks with Eric Cunningham and his two sons, Pat and Jack, about men's par
enting issues and techniques at the Fathers Support Group meeting.
leave him at day care,” Eric Cun
ningham said, his hands tightly
clasped in his lap.
The dads readjust in their seats
when the discussion turns to such
heart wrenching examples.
Reynolds said he has heard and
dealt with this behavior and reas
sures the fathers that this is just a
stage that children will grow out
of.
He said he also feels that be
cause dads are dealing more and
more with sensitive issues they
need a place to go and feel com
fortable talking. Reynolds hopes
that more dads will hear of the
group and more will attend the
meetings.
The Fathers Support Group is
just starting to tackle the problems
of the organization, such as a per
manent meeting time and attract
ing more attention. One father said
that before he found out about this
group he would just discuss his
parental worries with the other
parents at work.
Cunningham said this group is
more supportive than that ap
proach because of Reynolds’ expe
rience dealing with children. Cun
ningham said he also feels more
comfortable because he is sur
rounded by dads who are present
because they all have worries
about their children’s upbringing.
Even in the support group’s ear
ly stage, Reynolds and the other fa
thers said they are just striving to
be the best dads for their children.
To learn more about the Fathers
Support Group, you can contact
Reynolds at 346-4345 or at
dreynolds@oregon.uoregon.edu.
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