Editor in chief: Laura Cadiz
Editorial Editors: Bret Jacobson, Laura Lucas
Newsroom: (541)346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
ees are flying, flowers are
flip blooming and animals are
If |f starting to get extra friendly
with each other. Nature has
given us the sign that spring has
fallen upon us. But more than
anything it’s the hormone
charged spring couples at the
University that best remind us
that it’s mating season once again.
That’s right. It’s not just the
birds and bees that are feeling ex
tra amorous at this time of year.
Everywhere we turn, there’s a
couple that is involved in some
love-professing activity that in
volves more mush than a Rock
Hudson film. Hormones fly out of
control and suddenly every
grassy area is occupied by Cupid
caught couples who can’t keep
their hands off of one another.
That’s great that they have each
other’s company to share the out
door fun, but they shouldn’t for
get that others are also trying to
enjoy the nice weather.
At springtime, these University
couples not only suddenly turn
up at every corner, (‘tis the season
to hook up) but also feel the need
to practice excessive public dis
plays of affection. It’s as if the sun
puts these spring lovers into a
trance, and they forget that they
aren’t invisible and don’t even no
tice when make-out sessions end
up spraying innocent bystanders.
Campus turns into a scene from
Woodstock, with couples that
find great meaning in the phrase
“free love,” which can leave even
the truest romantics annoyed.
I swear there’s just something
about that sun. Whatever it is,
those rays somehow find a way to
transform campus into a place
buzzing with some kind of event,
whether it be an amphitheater ral
ly and band performance or some
type of street fair. But the sun
doesn’t just change the physical
atmosphere; it also seems to set a
different mood in the air. Then
along come the spring lovers,
whose displays of affection take
some pleasure away from the
lively University sunshine world.
This school term is one of the
best times for students to get out
side and appreciate the beautiful,
green nature Oregon is so well
known for. But these overly
friendly
couples,
which par
ticipate in
activities
ranging
from sick
cuteness to
X-rated ex
ercises, in
fest the
grounds
and ruin
the natural
beauty that
is our cam
pus. It’s just not fair to the rest of
us. Gradually every open lawn
and bench is taken over by these
inconsiderate spring lovers. And
don’t get me wrong, I have noth
ing against love. But there’s only
so much body groping and spit
swapping onlookers can take
while eating lunch or hanging out
with friends.
But it’s not just the students
who sit outside to eat, tan or just
relax that are encroached upon by
the spring lovers. Many also find
that doing homework and study
vvuuio uoijiuu naxv^u 10
an outfit (which isn’t such a bad
thing) and voyeurism becomes an
extracurricular activity. Any stu
dent will vouch that the Universi
ty is a whole new world when
that big orange circle makes its
aDDearance. CamDus is alwavs
llig VJU.L01VJ.ti XO XXXUUXX XXXVJX JJlt5ClO
urable than sitting inside a li
brary, cafe or at a desk. But these
scholarly individuals are con
stantly interrupted by the sounds
of giddy laughter and heavy
breathing of physical love, which
quite frankly is a very disturbing
Bryan Dixon Emerald
Thursday
April 6,2000
Volume 101, Issue 125
Effierald
distraction when one is trying to
read a literary work or complete a
chemistry assignment.
One or two affectionate mates
here and there are okay because
they remind us of what a happy
thing love can be and may even
elicit comments such as, “Aw, how
cute” from passers-by. But for some
reason, the sun sends hormones
raging among those in love and
they all at once forget the role of a
bedroom. As a result, other stu
dents find themselves becoming
the involuntary audience to these
couples, which multiply by the
day, rolling over one another and
performing saliva-gushing tongue
activity. It’s a great mystery how
the sun seems to have the power to
put even a monk in the mood.
In the case that you ever find
yourself trapped in close quarters
with these lovers, don’t worry,
you do have options. 1) Start
hooting and cheering them on us
ing loud whistles and encourag
ing gestures. This should make
your presence very well-known.
2) Throw peanuts, saltines —
anything you’d eat at a circus.
This has great potential to put a
damper on the mood. 3) Bring a
dog on a very long leash and let
him wander over to the oblivious
couple. Chances are they’ll either
be very uncomfortable with a
creature panting faster than they
are, or the inappropriate sniffs
will turn them off.
Because while these struck-by
the-sun couples may have butter
flies in their stomachs, coerced
spectators are sickened to their
marrow. So even though I give the
lovers the best of wishes, I just ask
that they keep the anatomy les
sons indoors or at least off the
grass, and be considerate to the
squirrels.
Beata Mostafavi is a columnist for the
Emerald. Her views do not necessarily
represent those of the paper. She can be
reached via e-mail at bmostafa@glad
stone.uoregon.edu.
CORRECTION
The summary ac
companying
"We’re not going
to leave" (ODE
April 5) misnamed
the LicensingCode
of Conduct Com
mittee. The Emer
ald regrets the er
ror.