Editor in chief: Laura Cadiz
Editorial Editors: Bret Jacobson, Laura Lucas
Newsroom: (541)346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
Monday
February 21,2000
Volume 101, Issue 101
Emerald
Giovanni Saiimena Emerald
The fall of civilization just may have
been marked by Fox TV’s “Who
Wants to Marry a Multi-Million
aire?” because it demonstrates that
our society is ready to passively enjoy the
degradation of one of our holiest institu
tions —not game shows, but marriage.
But if Fox can air an offensive game
show where the victory booty seems to
be just that, then let’s get ready to play
“Who Wants to Marry a College Stu
dent?”
Perhaps it would be hard to commit to
that unless there were guaranteed riches.
Let’s face it, without ever meeting the
p person, would you, for the amusement
of others, decide to marry a psychol
ogy major who had halitosis, tennis
elbow and was $40,000 in debt?
The rules of our game are easy,
however, and the game is for
j||i®;!r keeps. You have to pick out a
spouse with good prospects, a
WifyB g°°d hgure and an ability to ex
press him-or herself in short,
smiling sentences in front of an au
dience of millions.
W The parade of sexy contestants
* dressed in a variety of elegant or
revealing clothing is a
necessity for any
game that’s worthy
of air time. Because
it’s rainy Oregon,
there can’t really be
any swimsuit or formal
wear competitions. In
stead, a parade of college
students dressed in their
finest Abercrombie hats and
Sigma Pi sweatshirts, com
plete with a stain from that
raging jungle juice party two
f
autumns past. Then the for
mal wear makes its appear
ance, such that it is around
this University, with the
clean sweatshirt and the
I rare pair of Dockers.
Besides the clothing
competition, no good
£ marriage contest
would be complete
UP without the life perspec
tives and backgrounds of
the contestants. Between
the sorority girl who thinks
that we should all be nicer
and that Diet Coke should
taste more like Classic Coke,
and the hippie guy who
thinks that the future of
America lies in har
j nessing the power
of hemp, there are
plenty of wonder
ful mates to
choose from. And, of course, no one
should forget that wonderful person
from the Czech Republic who believes
that we should treat every day like
Christmas.
After a rousing and thought provoking
round of intellectual dialogue from 1.97
GPA students, it’s onto the lightning
round where contestants must name the
type of hops in their favorite beer. No one
who claims their favorite drink is malt
liquor will be chosen for this round. Af
ter all, this show is supposed to be classy.
Of course, one must wonder if the con
testant ultimately chosen is really that
much of a prize. There are some serious
ramifications for marrying a college stu
dent.
Financially, the decision is devastat
ing unless you actually like consuming
312 tons per year of “mac and cheese sur
prise” because your spouse is on a re
stricted budget. College students are no
torious for their poor dieting habits,
relying heavily on the grease of cheap
pizza and the fizzy goodness of their fa
vorite cheap beer. This is not usually the
lifestyle a gold digger would choose,
which makes marrying a college student
a less appealing prize.
The social lifestyle of college students is
unique and difficult to adjust to for those
not in the know. The late nights, late
mornings and all-hours dining form a for
midable schedule for someone expecting
an easy-going life after a tough experience
on the game show. Besides the new timing
a winner must adjust to, there is also the
social interaction that can be worthy of se
rious forethought. A general aversion to
serious relationship commitment and a
proclivity toward piercing one’s body
through a plethora of painful punctures
can often be expected.
With all the negatives most mature
people associate with the college
lifestyle, from the reliance on mac and
cheese to the jungle juice nightmares, it
seems unlikely our little game will catch
on in the near future.
Fox's disgusting, voyeuristic show to
marry off a millionaire to a gold digger
tells us that our society has sunk so low
that a lonely man will marry a desperate
woman without knowing each other so
others may be entertained. Society has
reached a new low, though no doubt
there will be other shows attempting to
lower that bar in an attempt to profit
through shock value.
You should feel safe, however, in the
knowledge that the self-interest of con
testants wanting a better life will protect
America’s campuses from the fickle arm
of televised marriage for money.
This editorial represents the view of the Emerald
editorial board. Responses may be sent to
ode@oregon.uoregon.edu.
Gabbe and Larson:setting the record straight
Students of the University of
Oregon, we would like to take
this opportunity to set the
record straight. If many of you
have read the coverage given to the is
sues surrounding the elections, you
would think us to be criminals. That,
however, is the furthest thing from
the truth. In the case of the “Gabbe
and Larson” campaign we have done
nothing wrong.
We feel that this unfortunate situa
tion has shadowed the true meaning
of elections. We would like students
to remember how serious this deci
sion is. We want to see this campus re
main a good place to attend college,
and that the quality of life remains
high. That cannot happen, however,
with the rapid rising cost of educa
tion, poor relations with the Eugene
Police Department, a lack of diversity
Commentary
CJ. Gabbe & Peter Larson
in our community and many other is
sues that only students can address.
It is our privilege to the student
who is reading this in their dorm
room, the student who is picking up
their child at Moss House, the student
who felt harassed by the police officer
but finds nowhere to go and all of the
groups who lack adequate representa
tion on this campus that we will con
tinue to fight on. The ASUO Constitu
tion Court will hear our appeal and
we have confidence that they will
rule in our favor.
With all of the problems in the
world today it is essential that stu
dents are represented by the best
leadership people. We feel that our
experience in student programs and
advocating for students on local, state
and national levels can move us one
step closer to-solving those problems.
The Elections Board and misled
students have given many the impres
sion that what we did at the Interna
tional Student Association Coffee
Hour was wrong. They would equate
purchasing some snacks and coffee
with paying off our neighbors to vote
for us. This is a very awful link and no
student should see it in that light. By
co-sponsoring the event we only
wished to encourage international
students to get out and vote, not even
necessarily for us.
Election rule 2.4, the rule in ques
tion here, states that we have to seek
“compliance” with an “election out
come” in order to violate this rule.
Now, it seems to us that coffee and
snacks that just sit in the corner of the
room can seek no such thing, save the
miracles of modern science. We, did
not ask anyone to vote for us that day,
we just educated students on the is
sues and what the ASUO can do for
them.
We encourage all students who
read this to take action, educate your
self on the issues that really matter
here, not coffee or snacks. We can
only hope that we are given the op
portunity to work on campus to im
prove the world that we live in.
C.J. Gabbe and Peter Larson are ASUO presi
dent and vice president candidates respec
tively. Their views do not necessarily reflect
the views of the Emerald.
Thumbs
WS? Jitter
To Ducks on cable
Undeclared fresh
men Dan Johnson
and Josh Sidis are
performers in
“Apocalypse,” a
17-minute movie
that won first prize
at the Northwest
Youth Film Festival
and will be shown
periodically on
primetime HBO
forayear, begin
ning in May.
To recognizing an
array of quality
“The Cider House
Rules,” “The Sixth
Sense” and “Being
John Malkovich”
all are fairly inde
pendent-minded
fi I fps recognized
by being nominat
ed for Oscars, a
nice change from
the usual pattern
of nominating big
box office success
es.
To defeat by tiie
hated Huskies
The men’s basket
bail team lost to
Northwest rival
Washington Satur
day night, 67-58.
The team lost its
bid for win num
ber 19 and hurt its
seeding in their
likely NCAA Tour
nament bid.
To losing control
of the circus
During a debate
among Republi
cans Gov. George
W. Bush, Sen. John
McCain and Am
bassador Alan
Keyes in Columbia,
S.C., moderator
Larry King lost his
grasp of the con
versation as Bush
and McCain hag
gled over negative
campaign tactics.