Don t
- Go It Alone
It’s scary to talk about an abortion experi
ence with others.
What if they don’t understand?
What if they condemn you, withdraw
from you, or start acting weird whenever
you’re around?
These are all reasonable fears. We have
them because it is important for all of us to
see and feel that people around us care
about us, love us, and understand us. So we
often hide the things about ourselves that
we fear will drive people away. We put up a
defensive wall, a fake persona, to protect us
from the negative judgments of others.
That may be all right for short periods
of time, but if that defensive wall becomes
a permanent part of ourselves, it is no
longer just a defense; it is a prison. It is a
prison that keeps people from really know
ing us. It is a prison that keeps us from fully
experiencing the love and compassion of
people who are willing to understand our
abortion experience.
To break out of this prison of fear, grief,
and isolation, it is essential that you or your
loved ones talk with someone who under
r
stands what it is like. It may be especially
helpful to talk with someone who has gone
through the healing process themselves.
Their enthusiasm can energize you by giv
ing you a foretaste of the great joy of
release that will soon be yours.
l ms is why post
abortion counseling
programs and peer
support groups are so
helpful. The people
you will talk to have
heard it all. Many, if
not most, have been
there themselves.
This is why they
have a great yearning
in their hearts to help you and your loved
ones. They know about your fears. But they
also know about the great joy of having this
secret weight lifted off your back.
Know that post-abortion healing is a
process. It takes time. Often you will make
tremendous progress in just a short time,
then plateau for a while, and then complete
the process in a few more smaller steps. But
the involvement of others is always essen
tial to that process.
For example, Kathy Williams was able
to “stuff’ the grief of her abortion away for
many years. The birth of her second child,
however, dredged up an enormous amount
ot repressed gnei,
regret, and guilt.
After one great
episode of tears,
she cried out to
God and experi
enced a great
sense of mercy
and forgiveness.
Years later,
Kathy decided to
volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. The
director asked her to participate in the cen
ter’s post-abortion healing program first.
Kathy felt it was unnecessary because she
had already been spiritually healed, but
finally she agreed.
Through the class, Kathy found healing
for many areas of her life where her abor
tion was still causing problems. She worked
through issues of forgiveness and isolation.
Most of all, she felt a tremendous experi
ence of healing by becoming involved in “a
small, intimate group, made up of abortion
victims like myself.”
“I could be confident of their accep
tance of me,” Kathy said. “[I learned] that
while it takes the blood of Jesus to deliver
us from guilt, it takes the acceptance of oth
ers to deliver us from shame.”
The acceptance of others will deliver
you from shame, isolation, and loneliness,
too. The place to begin is with post-abor
tion ministries that understand exactly what
you have been through and know how you
can recover the full sense of freedom and
joy in your life that you desire.
Don’t go it alone. There are so many
who want to help you along the journey to
healing. They’ve been there before you.
And someday you yourself may be able to
help others along the same path.
Help is there for all who need it. You
only need to accept it. Please call one or
more of the post-abortion counseling num
bers on page two.
-. . —ml
To those who mourn,
When I was seventeen years old I underwent a second trimester, saline abortion.
Although I wanted to have my baby, my parents pressured me to submit to the abor
tion.
After many hours of labor, I gave birth to a dead baby boy. To say that this had a
major impact on my life is an understatement.
K\l\(
When I look back at where I
have come from—to all the guilt, the
shame, and the grief of abortion—it is
with continual amazement. I now live
my life with a deep joy and gratitude.
Instead of doubting the mercy and
goodness of God, I have come to
expect it.
It is said that God can bring
good out of even the worst situations.
There was a time when I would have
found this hard to believe, but I know
through personal experience that it is
true.
Through His grace, those who have had abortions can come to find peace, healing,
and even joy in their lives.
I know some of you are probably thinking, “but I had more than one abortion,” or
“mine was probably worse than hers,” or “nobody forced me to abort,” etc.
My answer to you is that the process of healing from abortion isn’t about who you
are and what you’ve done, it is about who God is and what He has done l
The mercy of God is there for the taking—if you only dare to trust His lead on the
journey of healing. His mercy will bring you a new level of life, one that is full of
peace. I feel this peace because God now lives within me.
I no longer feel the need to be perfect, because I know that God loves me in spite
of my imperfections—and even because of them.
I no longer fear abandonment, for I have learned that He never abandoned me—
even after my abortion.
Through my healing I now have more compassion and mercy for others. I am care
ful not to judge, for I know where I have come from and how much I needed compas
sion and mercy. Through my child lost to abortion, God has taught me about true love,
as opposed to the self-centered attachments I always wanted.
Through the forgiveness I have received from God and others, I have learned how
to forgive others—and even myself. Because of the love I have found in God, I am less
afraid of suffering, because I know I am never alone in this life. He is with me.
1 won’t lie to you. It was a difficult journey. You must face yourself honestly, and it
is frightening to confront the many faults we have.
For those of us who are post-abortive, often the very things we have to face are the
same fears that caused us to choose abortion in the first place. The paradox is that fac
ing these things—pride, self-love, fear of abandonment, etc.—is what will set us free
from them.
No matter how hard the journey, it is never as difficult as what you are living with
now.
So I invite you to begin your journey toward healing, and I pray that you will begin
by reaching out to those who can help you.
Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. There are reasons for them.
There is no room for “politics” or controversy in post-abortion healing. We have lost
our children. We must be allowed to grieve for them.
Through healing you will become a better person in spite of your abortion. God,
through His mercy and love, is waiting for you.
I will be praying for you,
WWW.
afterabortion.org