Do you realize that you can promote post-abortion healing without
ever talking to people about their past abortions?
You don’t even have to know if someone has had an abortion. And
you certainly don’t have to become a trained counselor or an expert in
post-abortion issues. All you have to do is sow a few words of healing
into your everyday conversations.
In every case, your goal is merely to plant the seeds of under
standing, empathy, and hope that can lead to future healing. You are
not trying to complete the healing process. But you can help break
down some of the obstacles to healing.
In a simple, conversational way, cover the following three points:
(1) Announce that you have come to a whole new understanding
of the abortion issue, including why people choose abortion and how
it affects them;
(2) Express your compassion for women and men who have had
abortions, knowing that they must constantly face the fear that others
are judging or condemning them, and that they may be experiencing
feelings of doubt and regret; and
(3) Describe how you have heard of new programs that help
women and men find freedom from the burdens of secrecy and shame
associated with past abortions.
For example, you might simply say, "I read an interesting article
that gave me a whole new understanding of why women have abor
tions. I never really understood before how much pressure many are
under to have an abortion.
“I also didn’t realize before how much they feel judged and con
demned by others. That fear of judgement can really make it hard for
them to complete the healing process. Did you know that on average
it takes around ten years for women to recover emotionally from a
past abortion?
“The good news is that there are a lot of new programs now to
help women and men who are dealing with post-abortion problems."
That’s it. You have planted the seeds. Perhaps someone will ask
for more information, in which case you can give them a copy of this
publication or refer them to a post-abortion ministry in your area.
Just remember these three key words: understanding, compassion,
and hope.
The first step, expressing understanding, respects the mind.
The second step, expressing compassion, soothes the emotions.
The third step, offering hope, feeds the spirit.
Wouldn’t our world be a better place if everyone would begin to
sow the seeds of understanding, compassion, and hope?
We have prepared this publication precisely to raise up millions of
people, like you, to sow the seeds of post-abortion healing. Together
we can create a much more loving and healing environment for those
who are burdened by a past abortion.
So use this tool. Get some extra copies of this publication to leave
around school or at work, to place in the literature rack at your church,
or wherever. Encourage your friends and family to read it.
If this publication has opened your heart or mind in any way, it
will help others, too.
DO
* Do listen patiently. They are trying to sort out their feelings.
Verbalizing them with someone who will listen helps. Expect and
allow them to repeat themselves and to bring the subject up again
later. Listen for clues to their deeper feelings to which you can
respond later.
* Do reassure them that we all make mistakes, and all religions teach
that our mistakes/sins can be forgiven. God wants to forgive us. All
we have to do is to admit that we need and desire it.
* Do reassure them that their feelings are normal. Others have experi
enced the same thing and found healing. Build up a sense of hope
that they can be healed and reconciled with God and their child in
heaven.
* Do allow them to vent their anger toward othets. Remind them that it
is a sign of an even deeper hurt that lies beneath the anger.
Encourage them to get in touch with both the anger and the hurt,
which they need to do before they can "let go" of their anger and
approach forgiveness. Encourage them to see that the people they
biame were also confused, scared, or just looking for the fastest way
out of a hard situation.
* Do allow them to regret their choice. Remind them that we all learn
from our mistakes. Women and men who have found healing after an
abortion often become more humble, compassionate, and sensitive.
Even a negative experience can be used to help others.
* Do encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of
God. Reassure them that, on a spiritual level, their loss is only tem
porary. Someday they can be with their child in heaven, and they will
be able to ask for, and receive, their child's forgiveness.
* Do give them a copy of this publication, an 800 number to a post
abortion hotline, or some other referral information. If you don't
have it on hand, promise to get it to them within the week. Then
keep your promise.
* Do show that you care by keeping in touch and continuing to be a
sounding board for them. Make at least one follow up call to see how
they are doing.
DON’T
• Don't shut them off by changing the subject.
• Don't condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice.
* Don't deny that they lost a child.
• Don't encourage them to blame others for the abortion.
But don't push them to forgive others either, especially
when they are in the initial stages of venting their anger
and rage.
• Don't insist that they did the "right thing" or the "besi
thing" at the time.
• Don't suggest that having another child "someday" can
make up for the one that was lost. Future children are a
blessing and comfort, but they can never replace the child
who was lost.
* Don't leave them without encouraging them, over and
over again, to find and accept the help of post-abortion
counselors or peer support groups.
• Don't be afraid to follow up.
Give Us Feedback
If this publication has been a help to you or someone you love, write to us. Your letters of sup
port will help us obtain the funding we need to continue distributing this publication at little or
no cost to others.
Give Us To Others
Our goal is to distribute Hope and Healing as a paid advertising insert in college and commu
nity newspapers throughout the country. With your help, we can reach millions of people w ith
this message of understanding and compassion. You can help us place Hope mul Healing in
newspapers by sending your tax-deductible donation to: Elliot Institute, PO Box 7348-H,
Springfield, IL 62791-7348. Thank you.
Hope and Healing
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