David Spade speaks ’
some ‘sense’ to promote
his upcoming stand-up
show at Mac Court
(well, sort of)
By Jack Clifford
Oregon Daily Emerald
Wednesday afternoon,
around 1 p.m., at the
Emerald office and
David Spade’s “peo
ple” haven’t called back to ap
prove an interview request with
the stand-up comic/screen star.
Spade, of course, is scheduled to
entertain the University masses
Saturday night at McArthur
Court, and a bit of his biting
commentary beforehand might
generate even more of a buzz
around campus.
No dice, however. Apparently
Mr. Wildly Popular — Spade
stars on the NBC sitcom “Just
Shoot Me,” he shows up on the
big screen at least three times a
year and was the cover boy for
Rolling Stone’s Fall TV issue in
September — can’t find the time
to do a quick phone Q&A.
I’ve even done my research for
this one. Found out that Spade
started his stand-up routine
while living in Scottsdale, Ariz.,
(He still lives there.) and was a
student at Arizona State Univer
sity. (Yes, he’ll probably take a
few jabs at the Ducks, since Ari
zona State plays at Autzen the
same night.)
He joined “Saturday Night
Live” in 1990, and Spade’s
“Hollywood Minute” bits
launched him into stardom via
the late-night TV watchers mud
dled consciousness. Plus, any
one plugged into recent pop cul
ture knows that Spade and the
now-deceased Chris Farley
made a decent impact on
moviedom with “Black Sheep”
and "Tommy Boy.”
Y et, despite this into, it sure
would be nice to have a personal
chat to fill in the blanks.
Well, I’ve been in worse situa
tions before, even closer to dead
line. So, knowing that the chance
of speaking with Spade was slim,
I did the next best thing: I rented
one of his movies — “Senseless,”
because Spade plays a college
student, which seemed appropri
ate for this feature — and lifted
verbatim lines from the film to
answer my “interview ques
tions.”
OK then, let’s get this whole
ugly situation behind us, David.
Hopefully, we’ll respect each
other in the morning.
Pulse: Nice to finally catch up
with you.
David Spade: Sorry to keep
you waiting, but Mr. Tyson and I
were just interfacing about some
things.
P: Would that be Mr. Tyson,
as in the boxer Mike?
DS: Who cares? Just go.
P: Hmmm, you seem a bit
irked. I’ll try to keep the inter
view short.
DS: Yippee.
P: Well, tell me about the time
since your Saturday Night Live
days. The 1990s have seen some
successful cast members —
Chris Rock and Dennis Miller,
for instance — move onto even
bigger stardom. Are you better
than those guys?
DS: Oh yeah. I’m kinda the
pace car in the Employment
500.
P: Some of the current mem
bers have dropped some real
bombs, movie-wise. Any chance
of say, Molly Shannon, Norm
MacDonald or Will Ferrell end
ing up on tabloid covers, like
you have.
DS: I don’t think they’re
gonna end up in the supermar
ket check-out line. I think it’s
gonna be the unemployment
line.
P: Modesty isn’t your
strongest trait, is it?
DS: Look, I know why you’re
here buddy. You see what you
want and you go after it and I
like that. But we’re not here for
you to put on your resume.
P: Let’s change the subject.
Rumor has it that you are actual
ly shorter than our own Emerald
editor Laura Cadiz, who’s 5-foot
3. In fact, Rolling Stone wrote
that your nickname when you
first moved to Scottsdale, Ariz.,
was Shrimp Cocktail. Any truth
to that one?
DS: And who are you to say
that?
P: I’m the Pulse editor.
DS: Ouch. Dare I say, though,
you’re out of your league.
P: So, what about the short
ness question? Are you going to
answer it or what?
DS: Hey Weezie Jefferson,
bring it down a notch.
P: Fine. So, you co-wrote the
screenplay for the movie “Lost &
Found” this past year, then par
layed that into another picture
deal with Warner Brothers. In
addition, “Just Shoot Me” was
picked up again, and your sar
castic character Dennis Finch
pretty much carries that other
wise lame show. What else have
you been doing to keep busy?
DS: I summered in Cancun.
P: Must be nice. You celebri
ties are always cavorting in
these exotic places, while we
journalists are stuck in places
like Eugene.
DS: We’re just a bunch of
phonies, but you’re keeping it
real.
P: Thanks. We do try harder
than most professions.
DS: Hey, the little engine that
could.
P: Ahh, for a moment, I
thought you were being serious,
but you’re just a constant smart
ass it seems.
DS: Uh huh.
P: So this Saturday night at
Mac Court, you’ll perform for
probably about an hour or so af
ter your 9 p.m. start. Student
tickets for the event are $10 and
are $10 more for the general
public. As a student myself,
what reason can you give for
spending my hard-earned mon
ey on your show?
DS: That’s why the poor eet
poorer.
P: Wow, that’s deep. Any oth
er pearls of wisdom?
DS: Remember, a chain is
only as strong as its weakest
link.
P: Geez, you’re like a Dalai
Lama or something. Seriously
though, why should anyone at
tend this event?
DS: To get hell night started
off with a bang, I’d like you little
plebes to join me in a putrid
bowl of liquid shit. I’m buying.
P: I guess we’ll see you there.
DS: Yippee.
P: Yes, yippee.
courtesy of Jonas Public Relations
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