Editor in chief: Laura Cadiz
Editorial Editors: Bret Jacobson, Laura Lucas
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45JMS**
5
Bryan Dixon Emerald
A young man’s
first load of
laundry (done
independently)
brings forth a
feeling of
independence a
philosophical
look at letting go
We’ve all been in college
for just a little shy of a
month now, but it was
just last Sunday when I
finally believed it. Until then it
seemed like I was in summer camp. I
got to make new friends. I was away
from my parents. It was just one big
party. But then on Sunday everything
changed—I did my laundry.
That’s right, laundry made me real
ize that I was in college. Now, some
of you are questioning my sanity,
some of you are wondering how I
managed to go three weeks without
doing laundry (actually, the first
weekend here my neighbors did my
laundry; so really, I only went two
weeks without doing it), but I hope
most of you would like to hear my
rinse cycle revelation.
I can admit that I was a pretty
spoiled kid. I hope none of you hate
me because I didn’t do my own laun
dry for the first 18 years of my life. It’s
not like my mom didn’t try to teach
me how; I just never paid attention
and always conned her into helping
me later. Doing your own laundry is a
sign of independence that I neglected
for far too long.
Well, I was afraid. There are so
many things that can go wrong in a
washing machine. I could shrink all
my clothes so tight that Brittany
Spears couldn’t fit into them. Or all
my left socks could get stolen by the
washing machine gremlins.
Huh? Oh, I’ll explain, the gremlins
take your quarters and then run
around in treadmills to make the
thing move and the others spray wa
ter, etc. How did you think washing
machines worked? I know quarters
aren’t worth too much and every
gremlin has to make a living, but not
off my left socks dangit!
But I digress. The reason I finally
broke down and did my laundry was,
in fact, my lack of clean socks. So, I
took my whites — Ido know enough
about laundry to separate colors and
whites — and tossed them in the
thieving machine in my residence
hall. I read the instructions, gave the
gremlins their precious quarters and
said a small prayer that they would
leave my left socks alone. After some
confusion about what setting to pro
gram the infernal machine — as it
turned out there was a “whites” sec
tion — I was doing laundry. And you
know, I was
proud of myself.
The gremlins were good to me and
all of my socks were left in their limp,
wet, post-wash state. On to the dryer.
Dryers are not as bad as washing ma
chines for two reasons: 1. Dryers are
run by squirrels, and squirrels have no
need for quarters so dryers axe free. 2.
All the squirrels have to do is run
around in circles really fast so there is
n’t as much that can go wrong as in a
washing machine. I didn’t have as
much confusion with the buttons this
time as I first looked for one that said
“whites” on it. Luckily, such a button
existed and I was on my way again.
I think that dryers are much more
fun than washing machines because
you can watch the action. Something
about watching a wave of lifeless
clothes perpetually breaking in front
of your eyes is very calming. And if
you listen really hard the hum of the
squirrel-driven motor can even
sound like the ocean.
While I was mesmerized by cy
cling socks my mind wandered and I
began to ponder the deeper meanings
of doing laundry. I saw my innocence
being sucked away by the whirling
vortex. All the mysteries of why my
clothes would disappear and reap
■'3 pear foiled and
much warmer than
before were disappearing just like the
clothes had before. But they wouldn’t
come back all warm and folded. No, I
was coming to the realization of my
independence.
College is all about letting go. Let
ting go of your parents, your friends,
your siblings and your dirty clothes.
It may seem silly to you that laundry
could bring about this great
epiphany, but think back to your last
“first time.” Do you remember the
feeling of exhilaration you got by
conquering the unknown? When you
registered on Duck Web? When you
actually made it to your first class on
time? Well, that’s what I was feeling
staring at dryer.
The dryer finished and, low and
behold, I had done laundry. I walked
triumphantly back to my room with
my warm bundle of vestments and
plopped it down on my bed. And
there it sat for the rest of the day.
Sure, I had made a big step in doing
my own laundry, but folding and
putting it away are two things that
I’m not quite ready to deal with yet.
Mason West is a columnist for the Emerald. His views
do not necessarily reflect those of the paper. He can be
reached via e-mailatmwest1@gladstone.uoregon.edu.
Letters to the editor
Boycott “Disco Dolls”
I am writing in support of the
protest and boycott of the Bijou
Theater’s “rape-is-pornography”
movie “Disco Dolls.” It is one
thing to do a film about rape that
takes the subject seriously; it is
one thing for pornography show
ing consensual sex to be protected
by the Constitution. But putting
rape and pornography together
glamorizes sexual violence
against women, invites people to
enjoy watching the brutal acts tak
ing place and treats rape as a sub
ject of entertainment instead of a
serious social issue.
Please boycott “Disco Dolls,” a
relic of a supposedly bygone era
in which sexual violence was
glamorized uncritically in the me
dia. Instead, show up at 10:30 Fri
day night at the Bijou Theater on
13th Avenue in solidarity with
those of us who stand for
women’s human rights and
against sexual assault. Let us send
a message to the Bijou that we do
not consider violent pornography
to be in line with “alternative cul
tural media” and expect better.
Charlie Carpenter
Political Science
Communication required
I’m complaining about interna
tional Graduate Teaching Fel
lows. Let me clarify for the sake of
the credibility of my argument: I
am for diversity, and I encourage
international students and staff to
this campus. But the fact is, some
international GTFs can barely
speak English. While they posses
the basics, teaching requires a
mastery the communications
skills: an expectation all students
should have for this University’s
employees. This expectation ap
plies to discussion sections. I
have been in two sections in
which I experienced genuine dif
ficulty in understanding the GTF.
The other students in my section
ended up confused and discour
aged from asking questions. This
is why I’m concerned.
When students get discouraged
from participating, they become
disinterested in learning; as a re
sult their education is limited to
the bare minimum information
needed to pass. I think that the
prevalence of this basic inadequa
cy is quite ironic considering all
the recent headlines about the
University’s efforts to improve
rankings. It’s also important to
mention that while protests of
every color make headlines on a
daily basis, I am yet to see any de
bate or thought given to the Uni
versity’s original top priority: aca
demics. Clearly we need to
re-evaluate our priorities. So until
international GTFs gain a better
understanding of the English lan
guage, the students will pay the
price. By denying our fundamen
tal ability to communicate, it can
not be called higher education.
Furthermore, I invite University
President Dave Frohnmayer to sit
in on one of my discussion sec
tions and see what a waste of time
it is.
Vanna Nordyke
Comparative Literature