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EDITOR IN CHIEF
Ryan Frank
EDITORIAL EDITORS
KameronCole
Stefanie Knowlton
A conversation with a not-so-real barfly reveals views on
comedy, compulsion and college journalism
He was sitting there waiting for me, as usual,
even though it always felt like he’d never
left. The grungy bar stool was embedded
with the contours of his posterior and the
requisite stein nestled near his chest lost flakes of dirt
with each heave.
I sat and quietly ordered a round. There was no use try
ing to get the first, let alone the last, word in with my ex
istentially challenged friend, Sam Shylock.
As I sat in silence, Sam took a sip of his jet black beer
and gave me his usual dash of charm. “Still working at
that rag, the Emeroid?”
“Emerald.” I gave a light smile. “And yeah, I am.”
A few seconds passed. “You know, I feel for you guys
up there.”
A trace of sympathy from such a hardened citizen? I
had to know more. “Really?” I asked.
“Well, yes,” he said, putting his stein down. “People
give you a lot of heat for not serving their needs, whatev
er that means. But ultimately, you’re a newspaper, not a
newsletter.”
Opinion
Ashley
Bach
“Sure, Sam, but don’t we have a duty to
serve our readers?” I wasn’t sure why he
felt so strongly, except for that stint he
claimed as an ODE delivery boy in the
’70s.
“You serve your readers by being the pa
per of record and sometimes printing
things that don’t make everybody happy.”
He grabbed a handful of peanuts. “You
should see angry letters as a badge of hon
or, not a catalyst for change.”
“We’re not perfect.”
“Of course not, but everybody expects you to be.” He
swiveled in his stool. “When push comes to shove, some
times quite literally, the Emerald is one of the best college
newspapers in the country.”
After a few seconds of digestion, I turned to thank him,
but his face told me the subject was dead. I glanced down
at the wrinkled newspaper in front of him and stifled a
laugh.
“Comics page, huh?”
“Yep, I prefer to call it the funnies.” He flashed a wide
smile. “I’m not ashamed. No matter what they tell you,
everybody reads the funnies.”
“But they’re not even that funny,”
“That’s not really the point. Reading the comics is a
rite of passage, worthy more of little chuckles rather than
drop-dead laughter.”
Visions of “The Far Side” and “Calvin & Hobbes”
danced through my head. “They used to be better.”
“Everybody says that, and there are a few stinkers.” He
pushed his stein forward for a refill. “‘Family Circus’ and
‘Peanuts,’ for example, are both actually written by the
same schizophrenic maniac.”
“That’s probably true, but what about ‘Rex Morgan’
and ‘Judge Parker’
and that one with the
Viking? Nobody actu
ally reads those,
right?”
“Those are for old
people, who, by the
way, are the only
ones who read news
papers anymore.”
“You’re old.”
“Not that old.”
I smiled and
glanced at the televi
sion blaring above us.
Lines of people were
on-camera buying up mer
chandise for a certain sci
ence-fiction film at a fre
netic pace.
“Sam, you been
keeping up on this
whole Star Wars
craze?” I asked, wiping
the suds from my mouth.
He shot a quick look at
the screen. “Unfortunately,
yes,” he said. “I know you’re a
fan, but the fact is, they’re all freaks.”
I squirmed in my seat. “What, just because
they like something?”
“Yes. Standing in line for hours just for a
movie ticket, let alone toys that won’t be going
away anytime soon, is paranoia, not a hob
by.”
I tipped my glass back. “The fun of it is
trying to be the first on the block to have the
latest.”
“It’s idiotic, and all the 19-year-old boys with
Boba Fett shirts should go out and get girl
friends, some fresh air, and maybe a life.”
I shook my head, pulled a fiver out of my
wallet and laid it on the bar. “Well, are you go
ing to see the movie? It comes out in less than two
weeks.”
“Maybe this summer, or fall.” He swallowed a few
more nuts. “When I get around to it.”
“Oh, that’s right.” I got off my stool and put on my
coat. “Right after you hang out here for another eter
nity, which is far better, of course, than camping out
for tickets for a night or two.”
“There’s one big difference,” Sam said, lifting his stein
as I walked toward the door. “I have beer and they don’t.”
Ashley Bach is a columnist for the Emerald. His views do not
necessarily represent those of the newspaper.
Letters to the Editor
Making a difference
This letter is in response to the article
“ASUO Exec’s Results Vary” (ODE, April
20). I was interviewed for this article but
was disappointed at the outcome.
I would like to take this opportunity to
add some important points that the article
missed.
This year’s ASUO Executive has been
deeply involved in the work that the Oregon
Student Association (OSA) is doing on the
tuition freeze, the OUS budget and child
care for college students.
ASUO President Geneva Wortman and
Vice President Morgan Cowling win real
victories that change students’ lives.
As a member of the OSA’s executive
board, Wortman has been a leader and an
inspiration to student leaders across the
state.
Among her contributions, Wortman
played a key role at the Higher Education
Rally Day, representing the University and
the students with the most powerful speech
of the day.
Because of her leadership, she was also
asked by the chancellor’s office of the Ore
gon University System to testify in front of
the House education subcommittee for the
OUS budget.
Cowling has also played an instrumental
role statewide through her work with the
Oregon Student Foundation, OSA’s fund
raising and education arm. Cowling has re
cruited new student members and created
an OSF membership program.
Wortman’s and Cowling’s work at the
statewide level will ensure that all future
Oregon students have access to a quality, af
fordable education.
Kellie Shoemaker
Legislative Director, OSA
OSPIRG not focus
I appreciate the Emerald’s editorial about
the OSPIRG vote (ODE, April 26). I too agree
that the grievance against bringing Ralph
Nader to campus is misguided and should
not be used to taint what is a clear student
mandate to re-establish OSPIRG.
I was in the audience when Nader spoke
and he never once told students how to vote
on ballot measures.
Furthermore, Nader spoke about lots of
issues besides OSPIRG: farmworker condi
tions, our legacy as students and his vision
of the educational experience. Nader’s visit
was a rewarding and educational experi
ence, not a secret ploy to hype up OSPIRG.
Anyone who would cast it in a cloud of
suspicion unfortunately missed the impor
tance of his message.
Andrew Schneider
Student Senator Elect
mrmmm
The Oregon Dally Emerald will attempt to
print afl letters containing comments on top
ics of interest to the University community.
Letters must be limited to 250 words. The
Emerald reserves the right to edit any letter
for length, clarity, grammar, style and libel.
Letters maybe dropped off at EMU Suite
The May 4 article about Student Senator
Michael Dixon pleading guilty to two Class C
felonies and one Class A misdemeanor
should have sad the Dixon can face up to 11
years In prison and a $205,000 fine.
The Emerald regrets error.