You deserve better
the hidden wounds of emotional abuse
by Elena McMichaels
Emotional abuse is a form of mistreatment that can be
hard to pinpoint. Since there are no tell-tale marks or
bruises, it can be more subtle than outright physical abuse,
but equally as damaging. It is such a complex and confus
ing issue, that the person being mistreated may not even
recognize it as wrong or may believe they are imagining it.
How can one know if the treatment they are receiving is
abusive? Emotional abuse, according to Ginny NiCarthy,
the author of Getting Free is “mistreating and controlling
another person through her (or his) feelings. It includes
insulting, giving orders, and saying things to confuse the
partner. The emotional abuser makes the partner feel
afraid, helpless or worthless.” This would include any
treatment that makes you feel demeaned, humiliated or
belittled, even if it is said or done in a joking way. Ask
yourself, or someone you believe may be involved in an
emotionally abusive relationship, the following questions:
• Does your partner ignore you, make fun of
you or call you names either publicly or pri
vately?
• Does he or she seem to control the dynamics
of the relationship? (Where you go, what the
two of you do, what you talk about, etc.)
• Do you feel in any way threatened or intimi
dated by your partner? Do you feel that the
two of you are not equals?
Some of the most common types of abusive behavior,
according to NiCarthy, fall under the categories of what
she calls “crazy-making” and “ignoring and neglecting”.
The “crazy making” partner is constantly on-again/off
again. He or she tells you one thing one day and something
else the next, or lies about completely insignificant things
or tells you that you’re crazy or imagining things when
confronted. This type of confusing, unpredictable behavior
can literally make the partner at the receiving end of it feel
crazy, because it just doesn’t make sense. The “ignoring
and neglecting” partner displays an attitude of indiffer
ence. He or she doesn’t pay attention to what you say,
doesn’t care how you are feeling,won’t explain how he or
she feels, and in general
makes you feel as if your
views are not worth
hearing. This type of
ongoing treatment can
make you start to doubt
the importance and
validity of what you
have to say or how you
are feeling and make you
feel insignificant. A com
mon theme among these,
and other, abusive situa
tions is the loss of the
right of speech. Certain
topics become “safe”,
and others, such as past
relationships or personal
opinions or concerns
about the relationship,
become off-limits
because it may upset the
abusive partner.
'ITiere are many lay
ers and examples of emo
tional abuse, so trust
your instincts. If any of
the above examples ring true, or you can relate in some
way to any of these dynamics, the treatment you are
receiving is abusive and it’s not okay. Tell your partner if
he or she is treating you in a way that is unpleasant for
you, and even if they don’t understand, as someone who
cares about you, they need to stop. If they don’t stop, get
out of there; you deserve better. In a relationship you are
one half of a whole unit. Your thoughts, feelings and opin
ions are of equal importance, and you have the right, and
responsibility to express them. If you are being abused,
either emotionally, physically or sexually it is important ti
get support and tell someone. A common theme among
abuse victims is that they feel isolated and alone, that no
one could relate to or understand what they are going
through. You’re not alone. There are people who can, and
want to help you. Falk to friends or family members you
trust, find a good counselor, or look into the many
resources in the community. You don’t have to go through
this by yourself. It is not your fault that you are being mis
treated. You did not cause your partner to treat you badly,
and you can’t do anything to make them change. You
deserve to be in a loving, caring, supportive relationship,
and you can have that, as you realize you’re worth it.
Call the UO Counseling Center (346-3227) for an
appointment or stop by Monday-Friday, 9:00am-5:00pm.
What’s chemistry got to do with it?
what you should know about depression
by Michi Matsukura
Have you ever felt that you cannot concentrate
on your studies because you are depressed? Why is
it so hard to get out of depression? Have you ever
felt like not knowing how to face a depressed
friend?
What’s chemistry got to do with it?
It is generally accepted that depression is influ
enced by biological factors. Drugs are often effective
in treating or ameliorating these conditions at least
by involving the level of brain biochemistry. Current
evidence suggests that dysregulations of norepineph
rine, dopamine and serotonin are associated with
depression. Low levels of serotonin may allow other
neurotransmitters such as dopamine or norepineph
rine to swing increasingly out of control, leading to
extreme moods. These neurotransmitters play roles
in sleep, too. Low levels of serotonin affect mainly
two personality traits; impulsivity and aggression.
Are you anxious, depressed, or both?
Impulsiveness and anxiety often interact to influ
ence our performance. Anxiety has moderate corre
lation with depression. High level of norepinephrine
affect mainly negative emotionality, anxiety, which
is related to attention and arousal. Arousal and anx
iety also often interact to influence performance.
Research on anxiety indicates that chronically high
levels of arousal are aversive1. There is also consid
erable evidence that, when people are anxious, their
intellectual function becomes impaired. Among
other things, learning can be difficult and concen
tration is easily disrupted.
The downside of arousal
The research evidence suggests that anxious
individuals are more reactive than non-anxious peo
ple to certain types of environmental stimulation.
Anxious people experience more negative affect not
simply because of high arousal but rather because
they see the world in more negative terms2. High
Negative-Affectivity individuals are more likely to
report distress, discomfort, and dissatisfaction over
time, regardless of the situation, even in the absence
of any overt or objective source of stress. High
Negative-Affectivity individuals are more introspec
tive and honest with themselves, dwelling particu
larly on their failures and shortcomings. They also
tend to focus on the negative side of others and the
world in general. Consequently, they have a less
favorable view of self and other people, and are less
satisfied with themselves and with life. You may
interpret your tiny mistakes as the end of the world,
and your friends attitudes toward you as cold or
unfriendly.
The dynamics of depression
People at risk for depression have a characteristic
way of interpreting events, known as a negative
attributional style. They consistently attribute their
success to luck or other external, temporal factors
beyond their control but attribute their failure to
lack of intelligence or to other stable, global factors
within themselves. People who adopt a negative
attributional style may display hopelessness.
Hopelessness occurs when an individual views neg
ative events as inevitable, positive events as unlike
ly, and sees no prospect for changing this pattern.
This style corresponds with a social behavior called
“depressive realism.” People suffering from depres
sion lack a self-serving bias3.
What can you do?
By understanding the dynamics of depression we
can begin to help people who suffer from it. If you
know someone who is depressed or are concerned
about yourself, stop by or call the counseling center.
These specialists help students with academic diffi
culties, gender, violence, interpersonal relationships,
and cultural issues. For more information call the
UO Counseling Center at 346-3227.
References:
1. Barlow et al (1996) Perspectives on anxiety, Panic & Fear, Nebraska
Symposium on Motivation (UO) 43 p251-328
2. Watson et al (1984) Negative Affectivity: The disposition to experience
aversive emotional states, Psychological Bulletin 96. p465-490
3. Alloy et al (1979) Judgement of contingency in depressed & non depressed
students. Journal of Experimental Psychology 108, 481-485
Mnnrteu Anril 10 100Q f).