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EDITOR IN CHIEF
Ryan Frank
EDITORIAL EDITORS
KameronCole
StefanieKnowlton
The Stupor Bowl
A satirical
look at an
American
obsession
And so the sun rises on
yet another in life’s
long series of morn
ing after’s. This time,
the morning after football’s
grand pageant, the Super Bowl.
Of course, this year’s event was
nearly swallowed whole by no
fewer than seven hours of
pregame interviews, highlights
and analysis.
Where did this country go
wrong? When did we ever get
the idea that people want to see
bloated ex-players and coaches
reminiscing about their glory
days? This editorial is our small
note of protest. You see, the Su
per Bowl isn’t about pregame
hype. It’s about the mighty
struggle oi two sets or
warriors. And kick
ass commercials.
And beer. Even
better: kick
Letters to the Editor
ass commercials for beer. With
tongues planted firmly in
cheek, this is how the Emerald
editorial board could have
whiled away the pregame
hours.
1. The Traditional Super Bowl Bar
becue
Nothing says Super Bowl
Sunday like the warm aroma of
charred animal flesh. One
Emerald staffer spent the after
noon in front of the grill. And to
wash down all that meat? A
nice cold beer.
2. Looked forward to next year’s
Oregon men’s basketball season -
and wondered what the hell hap
pened this year
Even in center of the football
maelstrom, we can’t help but
wonder what happened to our
beloved Ducks. Though our
hopes for the season grew dim
mer with each game, the team
still has next year to redeem it
self. To ease the pain, we had a
beer.
3. Clipped those pesky nose hairs
One of us found the pre-bowl
coverage so stultifying that they
preferred to spend their time re
moving errant hairs from their
nose. This probably didn’t take
seven hours, though. At least
we hope it didn’t. After that,
they deserved a beer.
4. Read the Ken Starr report
ine super Bowl
took valuable hype
away from this year’s
spectacle of choice.
the Clinton
Impeach
ment
Trial.
After
several
hours of
scanning
chan
nels
Giovanni Salimena/Emerald
and finding nothing but
pregame shows, one political
junkie was forced to turn to the
Internet and lost herself in the
intimate details. Obviously, a
post-scandal beer was re
quired.
5. Bet student loans on the Super
Bowl
Yeah, yeah we know what
you’re thinking. But if the Fal
cons covered the spread then
it’s goodbye to Taco Bell and ra
men. Make sure to pop a beer
for good luck.
6. Acted out own version of the Bud
Bowl
We didn’t ask too many ques
tions about this one, and the
staff member wasn’t forthcom
ing with the details. We’ll leave
it to your imagination to come
up with a visual.
7. Had a beer at every bar in town
In the spirit of camaraderie
and excess that characterizes
the Super Bowl, one board
member made the rounds of Eu
gene’s fine watering holes and
chatted with the regulars. She
made it home just in time for
kickoff- and the opening beer.
8. Made Valentines
One kind-hearted staffer
spent his time lovingly crafting
handmade Valentine’s Day
Cards. He made sure to make
an extra special one for
men s basketball
coach Ernie Kent
because he
needs a
friend. And
after all that
loving, wnat
could he do but
curl up with a warm
heart and a cold beer?
This editorial represents the
opinion of the Emerald editorial
board. Responses may be sent to
ode@oregon. uoregon. edu.
IACUC removal unfair
Thank you for printing the editorial stating the
obvious: that Sarah Brown was kicked off of the
IACUC because of her affiliation with SETA (ODE,
Jan. 25 ). Clearly, Tom Dyke and Sarah Brown have
opposing views on vivisection, but why would this
matter? She would be out-voted by about 8 to 1 if
she rejected a proposal simply because it involves
animals. What Brown would be able to do is go into
Streisinger Hall, see the animals, and actually im
prove their environment. Who better to do this than
someone dedicated to the ethical treatment of ani
mals? Plus, who would be more willing to give the
information she found to the public? If Tom Dyke is
afraid of the public having information, I think it’s
even more urgent that we have it. Dyke said he
would compromise by having meetings to discuss
vivisection and animal rights issues.
First of all, it’s no compromise to speak with your
employer (the students) about the job you’re doing
with their money. Secondly, if talking about animal
rights is a compromise he’s implying that (relap
pointing an animal rights an animal rights advocate
is something he’s not willing to do. This is clearly a
case of discrimination based on Brown’s morality
God forbid! Please call Tom Dyke at 346-2045 and
urge him to allow fair student representation by
reappointing Sarah Brown to the IACUC. Students’
voices must be heard!
Lucas Spiegel
Eugene
The right to not boycott
The campus left’s insistence that the University
administration must enforce a boycott of Garden
burgers shows how little patience they have for po
litical freedom. While they have an undeniable right
to boycott Gardenburger, they do not have the right
to force others to join their boycott.
Amy Casso complains that it is “unfair” for the
administration to make the boycott backers do the
job of trying to convince other students to support
them (ODE, Jan. 26). No Amy, if you believe we all
ought to boycott Gardenburgers it is your responsi
bility to convince me to join - not the administra
tion’s. It is the administration's responsibility to en
sure that students are not denied their rights to
make their own political choices. What would be
unfair is for the administration to tell students that
they are required to support a boycott, whether they
are in political, agreement with it or not.
All the university administration has demanded
is that the boycotters show evidence that a majority
of students are supportive. But Casso, MEChA, and
their collaborators would be happy to force a major
ity to support a minority's political stance because
they are unwilling to let democracy and freedom
stand in the way of a moral good? It's a small tyran
ny, but a tyranny nonetheless.
James E. Hanley
Ph.D Candidate, Political Science
Fans should get best seats
Rob Moseley’s article (ODE, Jan. 12) couldn’t
have been more on the mark. Finally someone says
what many of the students who consistently attend
Duck basketball games feel about the seating
arrangements - especially at the UCLA game where
the football team had seats roped off for them. To
add to Moseley’s point, I have two things to ques
tion about this decision made by the athletic de
partment. One, why rope off prime seats (that many
tuition-paying students wait for hours in line to get)
for a group of students who generally do not come
to many games, let alone do what it takes to get
those seats? I am not saying that none of the football
players come — many do, by their own choice. The
athletic department placed this large group of guys
who by and large wouldn’t have necessarily even
attended the game into seats from which maniacal
enthusiasm is an expectation. Question two: Why
not seat them somewhere else in the arena (say, up
stairs) so that when they were on the floor being
honored, there would be students and communi
ty fans fdling up all of the v;sible seats cheering on
and honoring this football team that accomplished
so much this season? Instead, what we had was a
quieter-than-usual student section which was not
even full when the team was honored and a large
group of angry student fans who wanted to cheer
their asses off in those good seats in hopes that the
Ducks might beat UCLA. But these diehard fans
ended up in the nose-bleeds, barely able to see the
game.
K.C. McCarthy
Senior, English
Thumbs
THUMBS UP
To the Racism
Free Zone: ’
The program,
which was advo
cated on campus
by activist Bahati
Ansari last week,
is a good step to
ward helping stu
dents feel safe
and valued at
school.
Thurston High
School:
The upcoming
school play,
"Bang, Bang
You’re Dead/
shows that the
school and the
community are
healing.
i .
THUMBS DOWN
\
To Eugene Robin
son:
The Atlanta Fal
con’s player,
known for his
strong religious
beliefs, was ar
rested for solicit
ing an undercover
cop for oral sex
the night before
the Super Bowl.
To the end of the
streak:
The Oregon men's
basketball team
lost to the
Beavers for the
first time in 10
games in Satur
day’s Civil War.
CORRECTION
In the Jan.29 arti
cle, “Minority
women focus of fo
rum,” it should
have said the book
Cherrie Moregaand
Gloria Anzaldua
collaborated to cre
ate was “This
Bridge Caiied My
Back:Writings by
Radical Women of
Color."