©regonWCmeralb NEWSROOM: (541)346-551! E-MAIL odevatmi Salem inn'Emerald The campus bar scene no laughing matter Emerald column was funny, but issues surrounding alcohol are anything but This letter is in response to the humorous opinion piece on the campus bar scene. (ODE, Dec. 2) While the skewed perception of Aaron Artman is comical to say the least, there are some serious issues mentioned that need to be properly addressed. Number One: Stiff Drinks. Artman stated that at Rennie’s “the mixed drinks are more mix than drink.” Outside of straight shots, the overwhelming majority of drinks listed in any book or bar guide call for more “mix” than liquor. But, if the over-powering taste of alcohol is the main focus, see the phone book under liquor. Number Two: Goals. Artman laments “morning af ters where... you wake up alone with no hangover.” If one of your goals is to wake-up with a hang over, there, are two sure-fire ways to achieve this: First, drink exces sive quantities of Mad Dog 20/20. Second, buy a fifth and borrow a line from George Thorogood’s “I Drink Alone.” For help, see phone book under recovery. Number Three: Social Endeav ors. If, “to wake up alone,” is equat ed to not speaking with someone whom you deem intoxicated, does speaking to someone who is intoxicated improve your chances of companionship? Without re gard to the University Conduct Code the notion that one must rely on drunken prey to ensure a tandem night is a sad commen tary on one's own inability to so cially interact with a person who is not under the influence of in toxicates. For help, see phonebook under attorney. Summary: The pursuit of fun and occasional debauchery is a pastime of many students and area residents. Living in an alco holic microcosm is not. With re gard, to “stiff drinks, it is a bar tender’s legal responsibility to monitor and regulate alcohol con sumption. It is a drinker’s social responsibility to follow bar eti quette and abide by moral stan dards regarding one’s sexual en deavors. If you can’t score with someone who’s sober, you shouldn't score with someone who’s drunk. This guest editorial was signed by: Edu ardJessie, Dai id Costard, Jorin Weber, Pete Engdall, Kasey Rimmer, Shawn Malikowski, Darren Fabre