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Gift suggestions bust pocketbook
Sometimes you just
have to forget about
affordable ideas
By Tricia Schwennesen
Oregon Daily Emeraltl
Mama’s not
gonna buy you a
mockingbird
this holiday sea
son.
She’s aiming a
little higher and
digging a little deeper
into her $300 Dooney and
Burke purse.
Her goal — to buy the most
lavish, disgustingly expensive,
extravagant gifts.
You’re gonna love ’em,
whether you need ’em or not.
From the comfort of her rich
and famous home, Mama found
the perfect ride in a copy of PC
Computing.
The 1999 Porsche Carrera
Coupe costs more than the aver
age college education. With a so
phisticated computer system and
a liquid crystal dash display, the
Coupe promises to be the most
luxurious drive. Motor on home.
Mama can park it out front of
your dorm for only $75,740.
Catalog shopping is at an all
time high, and Mama gets the
best. This year she found a one
of-a-kind that is sure to fly right
to the top of your favorite gifts
list.
The vintage yellow Stearman
PT-17 will help you soar to new
heights. It was a WWII training
aircraft, built in 1941 and pur
chased for $295 in 1947 by the
Army Air Corps for private use.
It’s been fully restored to its origi
nal mint condition. The glossy ad
in the J. Peterman Company cata
log promises that “you’ll sudden
ly become very popular.” But
don’t worry about fitting in with
this classic.
You can also purchase the per
fect aviator accessories from the
very same page. Your budding
popularity will only cost dear
Mama a mere $125, 000.
Courtesty PC Computing
Mama’s been boning up on her
Internet skills since the day after
Thanksgiving. She spent the
biggest shopping day of the year
surfing the World Wide Web.
Ridin’ a technical wave of shop
ping bliss, Mama managed to
wipe out on the Sharper Image
homepage. She keenly remem
bered your love of the movie
Jurassic Park, and she nearly lost
her gnarly cool when she landed
on the perfect gift.
Native to North America, the
Tyrannosaurus Rex roamed the
earth 85 to 65 million years ago.
Thanks to sculptor Tony McVey,
you can own your very own fear
less fiberglass replica. McVey
consulted with a leading paleon
tologist to get the details just
right.
The hand-painted, petrifying
carnivore is an impressive 1:5
scale: 4.5 feet high, 3 feet wide
and 8 feet long. Mama can “hang
10" with the best of them for the
unparalleled price of $5,995.
Mama knows a year-round fa
vorite for men and women alike
is the Victoria’s Secret catalog.
Trying to beat last year’s million
dollar bra, the company jumped
on the angel bandwagon. In their
best John Travolta, “Michael”
imitation, Victoria’s secret is the
snow white feathery bra that
“dreams and fantasies” are made
of.
If you could secure a spot in
heaven based on how much
money you spent, this pristine
purchase would guarantee Mama
a primo cloud to gaze down
from. The Christmas angel white
satin lingerie is $250 for either
the halter bra or the strapless bra.
And just in case you think it’s a
sin to go pantyless — those are
an additional $30.
After all this shopping,
Mama’s sweet tooth really kicked
in. But she hasn’t dreamed of
sugar plums or candy canes since
she was younger than 10.
Mama’s devastatingly delectable
holiday treat is good old-fash
ioned chocolate. It must run in
the family because that’s your fa
vorite, too.
Though a Hershey bar from the
University Bookstore usually sat
isfies your animalistic chocolate
cravings, Mama has a better idea.
Godiva Chocolatier is famous for
its tongue-tantalizing delicacies.
Mama buys a couple gifts just in
case someone didn’t make it on
her twice-checked list. The
Warm Receptions Basket would
be absolutely divine for family or
friends. The least spendy gift for
the utterly rich rings up at just
125 bucks.
Mama’s positively exhausted
from all her shopping endeavors.
The moral of this shopping tale
— take advantage of Mama’s
monetary generosity, don’t let
her be a cheapskate. If you’re
lucky, maybe she’ll buy you a
million-dollar diamond ring.
Don’t forget that there are only
17 holiday shopping days left.
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p.„ ■
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