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EDITOR IN CHIEF
Sarah Kickler
EDITORIAL EDITOR
Mike Schmierbach
NIGHT EDITOR
Nicole Krueger
7his Valentine’s Day,
consider changing a
few words in your
rhetoric — and
possibly making a
drastic adjustment
to your perspective
t
Cupid’s arrows do not always
fly straight, but gloriously
queerly as well. And so, in
loving tribute to my roman
tic comrade Matthew, who fell to the
epidemic on Valentine’s Day three
years ago, the following question
naire, which found its way around
the San Francisco gay community a
few ago, is offered to Mr. Mahon and
Co. How dare you tell us that our
chosen families, whom we love
above all else and to whom we de
vote our lives, Eire simply not “fami
lies” at all but sinful liaisons that are
undermining the traditional and
moral fabric of our society and threat
ening to destroy it?
1. What do you think caused your
heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you first de
cide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible your heterosexuality
is just a phase and that you will grow
out of it?
4. Is it possible your heterosexuality
stems from a neurotic fear of the same
sex? Maybe you just need a positive
gay experience.
5. Heterosexuals have histories of
failures in gay relationships. Do you
think you may have turned to hetero
sexuality out of fear of rejection?
6. If you’ve never slept with a per
son of the same sex, how do you know
you wouldn’t prefer that?
7. If heterosexuality is normal, why
are a disproportionate number of
mentally ill patients
heterosexuals?
8. To whom have you
disclosed your heterosex
ual tendencies? How did
they react?
9. Your heterosexuality doesn’t
offend me as long as you leave me
alone, but why do so many heterosex
uals try to seduce others into that ori
entation?
10. If you should choose to nurture
and or have children, would you want
them to be heterosexual, knowing the
problems they would face?
11. Most child molesters are hetero
sexual. Do you consider it safe to ex
pose your children to heterosexuals?
Heterosexual teachers, particularly?
iz. wny must
heterosexuals be so
blatant, making a
public spectacle of
your heterosexuali
ty? Can’t you just be
what you are and
keep it quiet?
13. Heterosexuals
always assign them
selves such narrow
ly restricted, stereo
OPINION
Hannah
Dillion
iypea sex roies. wny ao you cling to
such unhealthy role-playing?
14. How can you have a hilly satis
fying, deeply emotional or sexual ex
perience with an opposite-sex person,
when the obvious physical, biological
and temperamental differences are so
vast? How can a man possibly under
stand what
pleases a
woman
sexually
and vice
versa?
15. Hetero
sexual mar
riage has total
societal suDDort
yet the divorce rate
continues to grow. Why
are there so few stable het
erosexual relationships?
16. Since there are so few
happy heterosexuals, tech
niques have been developed to
help people change. Have you
considered trying aversion thera
pyr
17. Could you trust a heterosexual
therapist/counselor not to try to influ
ence you toward his or her own sexu
al leanings?
18. Do heterosexuals hate and/or
distrust others of their own sex? Is that
what makes them heterosexual?
19. A disproportionate number of
criminals, welfare recipients and oth
er irresponsible types are heterosexu
als. Why would someone hire a het
erosexual for a responsible job?
20. Why are heterosexuals so
promiscuous, always having "affairs,” |
etc.? I
21. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Hannah Dillon is a columnistfor the
Emerald. Her work appears on alter
nate Fridays. Her views do not necessar
ily represent those of the newspaper.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Clarify traffic appeals
We feel it is important to clear up
a few errors in your article “Board
hears student parking violation ap
peals” (ODE, Jan. 21).
There are two steps in protesting
a University parking citation:
1. An initial written petition,
which is read and decided upon by
the traffic petitions officer.
2. If the petitioner is not satisfied
with that decision, they can submit
a written appeal to the Traffic Ap
peals Board. In that written appeal,
they may request to appear before
the appeals board at the next meet
ing. Frequently, that request is grant
ed. If the person does not appear, the
board’s decision is based solely on
the written materials presented to
them. The end result can be a waiv
ing of the fine, a reduction of the fine
or an upholding of the fine (denial oi
the petition and appeal).
It is important to be clear that it is
the University Traffic Appeals
Board (faculty and staff members ap
pointed by the University commit
tee, students appointed by the
ASUO) and as such is completely
independent from the Office of Pub
lic Safety. OPS plays no part in the
petition or appeals decision-making
process. Further, the traffic petitions
officer is a non-voting, ex-officio
member of this board, appointed by
the University administration.
Generally, the appeals board will
consider between 15 and 20 appeals
each monthly meeting — not 3,500
per year. The traffic petitions officer
may consider between 2,000 and
3,000 petitions from students, facul
ty and visitors each year, but only a
very small percentage of those are
ever appealed to the board.
We feel that anyone wishing to
petition or appeal a University cita
tion should read Pages 8 and 9 in
The University of Oregon Parking
Rules and Regulations — this sec
tion presents the process in a clear
and concise manner.
Rand Stamm
Parking and Transportation, OPS
Gender neutrality
Given the gender-neutralizing ac
tivity that permeates our beloved
campus even into its smallest, most
remote corner, I find it simply
amazing that no one has gone into a
shrill frenzy over the term:
fresh"MAN.”
Bill Smee
University employee
Thumbs
TO RAISING MAR
RIAGE AGES: A
group of legisla
tors in Utah are
trying to raise the
age at which a per
son can legally be
married. Currently,
children as young
as 14 can get mar- ’
ried, provided they
have the consent
of at least one par
ent Some county
officials have re
ported assigning
marriage Hcenses
to girls whom die
officials suspected i
might have been
sold into marriage
or who might have
been part of an
arranged marriage.
Clearly, either situ
ation should be
avoided, but even
“consensual" mar
riages at so young
an age are trouble
some. Under state
laws, some of
these Children
won't beaflowed
to have sexfor four
years, yet they are
considered mature
enough to enter a
theoretically life
long bond.
TO POSSIBLE
CSMSOilSttlPBY
THE ATHLETIC
DEPARTMENT:
A group of stu
dents who took
banners to a foot
ball game claim
the security guards
hired by the de
partment confis
cated the banners
protestirw Nike do
nations. The de
partmentinsists
die banners were
removed only be
cause they were
heldonsbcks,
which are against
department rules,
but it seems un
likely it was neces
sary to confiscate
the entire banner if
the problem was a
pair of removable
sticks. Moreover,
the situation has
produced a string
of confusing and
possibly contra
dictory explana
tions. Alt of this
suggests some
kind of censorship
may have taken
place, which would
clearly be trouble
some.