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Oct. 23-25
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and offering rides
anywhere in Oregon or
throughout the country.
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345-7600.
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Serenity Lane
687-1110
U of 0 Cultural Forum Presents
Ekoostik Hookah
ALL AGES SHOW 8:00
0CT0EEH 2 In
Erb Memorial Union
BALLROOM
I • i • {■ K • E ■ I ■ S
At EMU Box Office/CD world
Face the Muaic/House of
Records / Record Garden
$9 Students $10 General
$12 Day Of
.. ^
STUDENTS • FACULTY • STAFF
Jhi Vaccination
Influenza vaccinations will be given at the
Health Center for faculty and staff every
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from
8:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. and for students
Monday - Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00
p.m. Beginning Wednesday, Oct. 15
Students $3.50
Faculty and Staff $4.00
Annual flu immunizations are recommended for
the following:
1. Healthy persons 65 years or older.
2. Persons with long-term heart or lung
problems.
3. Persons with any of the following: kidney
disease, cystic fibrosis, diabetes, anemia,
severe asthma and conditions which
compromise immune mechanism.
Influenza vaccine may be given to persons
wishing to reduce their chances of catching the
flu, persons who provide essential community
services and students or others in schools or
colleges.
For more information, call the
Flealth Center at 346-4441
Hood: Lions’ overtime loss to Giants
an example of point-spread scam
■ Continued from Page 7
next question.
Your honor, it is true that the
Dallas Cowboys have been able
to keep afloat in the sea of NFL
sewage, but that’s because their
owner, Jerry Jones, has shelled
out big bucks to keep the team’s
stars. What he has not accounted
for are the team’s reserves.
Your honor, I insist the Cow
boys are a shell of their former
selves, and anyone who has
watched them play this season
can attest to that (courtroom
nods and whispers).
Your honor, I now wish to call
both the Carolina Panthers and
the Jacksonville Jaguars to the
stand. Now you two teams have
had success in your first three
seasons in the league, have you
not? In fact, both of you made it
to your respective conference
championship games, isn’t that
right?
Now how do you suppose a
pair of expansion teams, such as
yourselves, is able to make it a
step away from football’s highest
plateau in only your second year
of existence (courtroom yells
and some leap from their
chairs)?
Your honor, my plaintiff in
sists that such mockery can only
exist in a league so diluted with
talent that you’d need a noodle
strainer to find the league’s all
stars.
Your honor, I’d like to submit
at this time Exhibit B.
A 54-page document detailing
all of the week’s Las Vegas lines
and the highlighted point
spreads of each game. Your hon
or, I have found that in an aver
age week, no more than four
teams cover the aforementioned
point spread.
Your honor, my plaintiff in
sists that each week is a crap
shoot when it comes to telling
which NFL team will show up
for any given game. To demon
strate this, I have brought with
me the game film of one NFL
game last Sunday.
If we look at this film, we can
see the final moments of a De
troit Lions’ overtime loss to the
New York Giants. In the footage,
we can clearly see the final
score, Giants 26-Lions 20, post
ed in neon lights on the Silver
dome scoreboard.
Your honor, my client and I
maintain that the final score is a
farce because going into the
game Detroit had won two
games in a row and had been on
a major roll. Your honor, by con
trary, the Giants had not been
playing well and were entering a
game in which any sane man or
woman would pick them to lose
by a touchdown.
Your honor, Exhibit C shows
Detroit’s rushing statistics
against the 5-2 Tampa Bay Buc
caneers the week before. We can
see here that Detroit ran for 259
yards on the ground and gained
nearly 450 total yards. Compare
that to this week's game, and we
see that the Giants rank 20th in
the NFL in total defense and are
dead last in the NFC in total of
fense.
Your honor, it’s not compli
cated. Everyone can see that De
troit as a touchdown favorite
was the safe bet at home in week
eight. My plaintiff is asking for
$50 to be awarded to him by ei
ther the NFL or the Oregon State
Lottery, whichever admits in
volvement in this sick scam
(courtroom cheers).
The plaintiff rests, your hon
or.
Joel Hood is a sports reporter for the
Emerald.
Oregon: Klaasen gets medical clearance
to resume full-contact practice this week
■ Continued from Page 7
people down defensively, but they have not been
able to put the ball in the end zone like they would
like.
“At this point, I don’t see much wrong with them.
They’re a good football team with great athletes, and
for whatever reason, they haven’t made the key play
at the right time.”
Sound familiar?
Oregon has also found itself in the pleasant
dilemma of having two healthy — mentally and
physically — quarterbacks again. One week ago, Ak
ili Smith was as close to taking over the position as
either quarterback had been all season, especially
after he played through the middle of the fourth
quarter against UCLA while Jason Maas stood on
the sideline.
But Maas’ three-touchdown, 369-yard perfor
mance against Utah has muddied the water once
again.
“I think it makes it a lot tougher, a lot tighter bat
tle and certainly more competitive,” Bellotti said in
the aftermath of Maas’ strong outing. “This will be a
very interesting week of practice for us.”
In other words, who starts against USC will be de
termined by the game plan and who performs above
the other in practice this week. Most likely, though,
both will see significant action.
“My guess is that we will need both their skills to
help beat a very good USC defense,” Bellotti said. “I
think we will design a game plan for both under the
assumption that if they both are healthy, they will
both play again. I think they both have things that
they bring to the table that can make us a more ef
fective football team and a more effective offense.”
In other notes: Starting true freshman offensive
guard Lee Gundy will be out for several weeks after
dislocating his patella Saturday against Utah. If the
injury doesn’t look better in the next couple of days,
Gundy may undergo season-ending surgery.
Linebacker Ryan Klaasen, who sustained a severe
concussion four weeks ago against Stanford, has
been cleared to resume full-contact practice starting
this week.
Sports Briefs
Player qualifies for
tennis tournament
Alina Wygonowska qualified
for the main draw of the Riv
iera Women’s All-American
Tennis Championships over
the weekend by defeating three
opponents without dropping a
set.
Wygonowska will join team
mates Allison Sosnow and
Shanelle Kaneshiro at the Riv
iera Tennis Club in Los Ange
les, Calif., for the opening
round today.
Wygonowska will face her
third consecutive Pacific-10
Conference opponent, Faye De
Vera of Arizona State, today in
the opening round of the sin
gles main draw. Wygonowska
advanced to the main draw by
defeating two Pac-10 rivals on
Sunday.
In the morning, she swept
Betsy Miringoff of Arizona 6-2,
6-4, before beating Emeka
Mayes of California in the after
noon by the same score. Tame
ka Harris of Michigan was
Wygonowska's victim in the
first round on Saturday.
Sosnow and Kaneshiro re
ceived an automatic bye to the
main draw of the doubles tour
nament. They are the No. 31
doubles team in the nation, ac
cording to the Rolex Collegiate
Rankings.
“Allison and Shanelle could
beat anyone,” said coach Jack
Griffin. “With the extra prac
tice they’ve had, they should
be a little more ready to play
against quality competition.”
— Tim Pyle
Nowhere to run
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