DAYTRIPPER I hail from the Midwest. So before I moved out here for this job, Los Angeles had always been an enigma of sorts. Being that my knowledge about the land of fruits and nuts was limited to the collagen lips, soybean implants and shellacked hairdos displayed on the pages of my grandma's weekly scandal sheet — well, let’s just say it didn’t help matters much. I am not, as they say out here, “hip to the scene.” I am a hick. That’s right. Say it if you want. Hiiii-ick. Initially, I was taken aback by the moniker. Wounded, actually. I thought to myself, my relatives don't subsist on Pabst Blue Ribbon. Cow tipping isn't our entertainment staple. And for Pete’s sake, just because we drink “pop” instead of "soda” doesn't mean we’re not fully evolved Homo sapiens. I said as much to the name callers, but to no avail. I was a lonely hick in a sea of... urn, non-hicks. Or so I thought — until a quick lunchtime walk last week (mid day aerobic activity is a must in these parts) when I passed a young woman, yapping on a cell phone and making her way down the side walk steps. Her hair, a vibrant sheen. Her make-up, flawless. Her ensemble, impeccable. She was, by all estimations, the embodiment of the L.A. woman. And then, she tripped. Splat. Right on her Christian Dior-covered ass. And as she stumbled to her feet, readjusting her Ray-Bans, I caught sight of a tube of hot pink Wet-n-Wild lipstick rearing its tip out of her purse. The label clearly read, Wal-Mart. “Hot damn,” I thought to myself, “I’m nome.” By Lynda Twardowski, Assistant Editor II LUSTRATION BY STACY HOl.MSTKDT, ARIZONA STATE U. MtlCOftE TO STAtfORD' a/£K/ PL£D6£s71 " I MOW WS HOSHtO IU e2fj'St*‘ *?Z.*** WO sunt. TMtOTHtR TWO ARt IN OUR tomrtmu «ch< U. Polls Hanson or Marilyn Manson? Should the drinking age be lowered? aoo/eu-viEws (6BB-4397) Jenny McCarthy or Carmen Electra? Jenny: 62% Carmen3B% Carmen. If I wanted to watch somebody make faces, I’d watch the Barney show. Chad, Ohio StatB U. * It’s downright painful watch ing Carmen Electra doing half-assed imitations of Jenny McCarthy. Brian, Penn St3tB U. * Jenny! She is blonde, she is gor geous. She is all that and a bag of chips. Bryce, Mississippi State U. * Carmen Electra is a Jenny McCarthy wannabe and she dances like she wants to pick up money. April, U. of North Carolina, Char lotte • Carmen. She has that foreign aspect, and Jenny’s too hot for me, anyway. Halen, Angelo State U., Texas • Jenny, because I'm not hip enough to know who Carmen Electra is. Jason, West Virginia U. • Jenny’s attitude stinks. She just seemed really stuck up. Carmen Electra just seems like a nicer person, and she looks better. David, U. of North Carolina, Charlotte • Jenny has more personality, more body and much more wiggle and giggle to her than Carmen. Philip, Webster U. • Jenny makes life worth living, man. Daniel, U. Of Bochester • Carmen. Jenny was just a little too rough on the guys. Yuri, Angelo State U., Texas * Neither. They’re both pretty damn annoying. I’d like to see MTV get back to the days when they were actually music television and not playing a bunch of crappy shows. Tyler, Bowling Green State U. • Jenny has more oomph. Kim, Georgia Southern U. • Carmen has only slept with four dudes and Jenny was a playmate, therefore we vote for Jenny. David, UCLA Would you quit school if you won the lottery? Yes: 44% No: 76% I’d stay in school for the rest of my life and take one class a quarter and just take it slow. Nader, California Polytechnic Institute, San Luis Obispo # No. I go to school because I want to, not because I want to make money. Jason, West Virginia U m Hell yes. I’d buy a house on campus and become an alcoholic with no point in life. Chad, U. of Kentucky • I would finish school. I haven’t flunked so far, so I may as well finish what I started. Jason, U. of North Dako ta • I’d quit school on the spot. Every day, I pray I'll win the lot tery. I hope I win before the semester is over. Andrea, U. Of North Carolina, Charlotte • I would continue in school because I'm in a major I love: education. But after I got sick of the kids I’d quit and spend my money. Phillina, U. of Alabama, Birmingham • Of course I’d quit. There’s no need to go get a degree to go work since that’s what everybody’s going to school for now anyway. Nashma, U. Of Cincinnati • If I won the lottery I'd actually be able to afford school. Judy, U. Of Wisconsin, Stout • What I’m learning in col lege is very valuable and I’ll use it for the rest of my life. I’d let the money pile up for twenty years and live like a king, but I’d still drink lots of beer. Rob, State U. of New York, Fredonia • I would n’t quit school because there’s too much partying going on here to quit school. Even if I did have the money, I’d want to stay here and party. Mark, Florida State U. • I'd take some time off, but I wouldn’t quit. I would always have school to fall back on if any thing happened. I’ll be very proud to see my diploma on the wall. Mark, U. of Wisconsin, Madison • Faster than a baboon finds his next mate. David, Carnegie Mellon U., Pa. • I wouldn’t quit school because I want to do something in life. I don't want to just sit around and do nothing. I need an education to get a good job. Even if I won $50 million, it wouldn’t stop me from going to school because I want to learn. Raj Bewe, Texas Tech U. • No. I'd just use the money to back me in anything that I want to do in life, and I’d send my brothers and sisters to college because I have six siblings. Stacey, U. Of Memphis • As silly as it sounds, I have a need for knowledge. I would at least get a master’s degree, then I would spend my money and observe the world using what I know. Peter, U. Of Kentucky • I would want to quit school, but my par ents probably wouldn’t let me. 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