Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012, August 20, 1997, LAW SCHOOL SPECIAL EDITION, Page 5, Image 21

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    DAYTRIPPER
I hail from the Midwest.
So before I moved out here for this job, Los Angeles had always
been an enigma of sorts. Being that my knowledge about the land of
fruits and nuts was limited to the collagen lips, soybean implants
and shellacked hairdos displayed on the pages of my grandma's
weekly scandal sheet — well, let’s just say it didn’t help matters
much. I am not, as they say out here, “hip to the scene.”
I am a hick.
That’s right. Say it if you want. Hiiii-ick. Initially, I was taken
aback by the moniker. Wounded, actually. I thought to myself, my
relatives don't subsist on Pabst Blue Ribbon. Cow tipping isn't our
entertainment staple. And for Pete’s sake, just because we drink
“pop” instead of "soda” doesn't mean we’re not fully evolved
Homo sapiens.
I said as much to the name callers, but to no avail. I was a lonely
hick in a sea of... urn, non-hicks.
Or so I thought — until a quick lunchtime walk last week (mid
day aerobic activity is a must in these parts) when I passed a young
woman, yapping on a cell phone and making her way down the side
walk steps. Her hair, a vibrant sheen. Her make-up, flawless. Her
ensemble, impeccable.
She was, by all estimations, the embodiment of the L.A. woman.
And then, she tripped. Splat. Right on her Christian Dior-covered
ass. And as she stumbled to her feet, readjusting her Ray-Bans, I
caught sight of a tube of hot pink Wet-n-Wild lipstick rearing its tip
out of her purse. The label clearly read, Wal-Mart.
“Hot damn,” I thought to myself, “I’m nome.”
By Lynda Twardowski, Assistant Editor
II LUSTRATION BY STACY HOl.MSTKDT, ARIZONA STATE U.
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U. Polls
Hanson or Marilyn Manson?
Should the drinking age
be lowered?
aoo/eu-viEws
(6BB-4397)
Jenny McCarthy
or Carmen Electra?
Jenny: 62%
Carmen3B%
Carmen. If I wanted to watch somebody make faces, I’d watch the
Barney show. Chad, Ohio StatB U. * It’s downright painful watch
ing Carmen Electra doing half-assed imitations of Jenny
McCarthy. Brian, Penn St3tB U. * Jenny! She is blonde, she is gor
geous. She is all that and a bag of chips. Bryce, Mississippi State
U. * Carmen Electra is a Jenny McCarthy wannabe and she dances
like she wants to pick up money. April, U. of North Carolina, Char
lotte • Carmen. She has that foreign aspect, and Jenny’s too hot
for me, anyway. Halen, Angelo State U., Texas • Jenny, because
I'm not hip enough to know who Carmen Electra is. Jason, West
Virginia U. • Jenny’s attitude stinks. She just seemed really stuck
up. Carmen Electra just seems like a nicer person, and she looks
better. David, U. of North Carolina, Charlotte • Jenny has more
personality, more body and much more wiggle and giggle to her
than Carmen. Philip, Webster U. • Jenny makes life worth living,
man. Daniel, U. Of Bochester • Carmen. Jenny was just a little too
rough on the guys. Yuri, Angelo State U., Texas * Neither. They’re
both pretty damn annoying. I’d like to see MTV get back to the
days when they were actually music television and not playing a
bunch of crappy shows. Tyler, Bowling Green State U. • Jenny has
more oomph. Kim, Georgia Southern U. • Carmen has only slept
with four dudes and Jenny was a playmate, therefore we vote for
Jenny. David, UCLA
Would you quit school
if you won the lottery?
Yes: 44%
No: 76%
I’d stay in school for the rest of my life and take one class a quarter
and just take it slow. Nader, California Polytechnic Institute, San
Luis Obispo # No. I go to school because I want to, not because I
want to make money. Jason, West Virginia U m Hell yes. I’d buy a
house on campus and become an alcoholic with no point in life.
Chad, U. of Kentucky • I would finish school. I haven’t flunked so
far, so I may as well finish what I started. Jason, U. of North Dako
ta • I’d quit school on the spot. Every day, I pray I'll win the lot
tery. I hope I win before the semester is over. Andrea, U. Of North
Carolina, Charlotte • I would continue in school because I'm in a
major I love: education. But after I got sick of the kids I’d quit and
spend my money. Phillina, U. of Alabama, Birmingham • Of
course I’d quit. There’s no need to go get a degree to go work since
that’s what everybody’s going to school for now anyway. Nashma,
U. Of Cincinnati • If I won the lottery I'd actually be able to afford
school. Judy, U. Of Wisconsin, Stout • What I’m learning in col
lege is very valuable and I’ll use it for the rest of my life. I’d let the
money pile up for twenty years and live like a king, but I’d still
drink lots of beer. Rob, State U. of New York, Fredonia • I would
n’t quit school because there’s too much partying going on here to
quit school. Even if I did have the money, I’d want to stay here
and party. Mark, Florida State U. • I'd take some time off, but I
wouldn’t quit. I would always have school to fall back on if any
thing happened. I’ll be very proud to see my diploma on the wall.
Mark, U. of Wisconsin, Madison • Faster than a baboon finds his
next mate. David, Carnegie Mellon U., Pa. • I wouldn’t quit school
because I want to do something in life. I don't want to just sit
around and do nothing. I need an education to get a good job.
Even if I won $50 million, it wouldn’t stop me from going to
school because I want to learn. Raj Bewe, Texas Tech U. • No. I'd
just use the money to back me in anything that I want to do in
life, and I’d send my brothers and sisters to college because I have
six siblings. Stacey, U. Of Memphis • As silly as it sounds, I have a
need for knowledge. I would at least get a master’s degree, then I
would spend my money and observe the world using what I know.
Peter, U. Of Kentucky • I would want to quit school, but my par
ents probably wouldn’t let me. Anonymous
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