Should Ebonics be
taught in the
Oakland school
system?
Let us know.
editorials, letters, commentary and perspective
r
BY MAIL: P.O. Box 3159
Eugene, OR 97403
BY PHONE: (541)346-5511
BY E-MAIL: ode@oregon.
uoregon. edu
IN PERSON: Suite 300, EMU
For collegiate success, follow The Rules
Down with academia! Frisbees
and fun times are the true keys to
a complete college career
It’s the focus of a pop-culture phenome
non. It’s the origin of a mass movement
of women determined to “get the ring. ”
It’s sold hundreds of thousands of
copies and recently shot to No. 1 on The
New York Times How To bestseller list. It’s
The Rules: Time-tested Secrets forCaptur
ing the Heart of Mr. Right, a thin, 174-page
Ashley
Bach
paperDacK tnat nas
changed the face of dat
ing for years to come.
The self-help book, by
native New Yorkers
Ellen Fein and Sherrie
Schneider, lists 35
“rules” for snagging the
man of your dreams.
With commandments
like "Don’t Call Him and
Rarely Return His Calls”
and “Don’t See Him More than Once or
Twice a Week,” one can see why the hand
book has been the object of satire and hu
mor by columnists nationwide.
While the applicability of such a book on
the University campus is intriguing (1 real
ly can’t see it going over too well), I’m more
interested in the concept of rules. After be
ing in college for a year and a half, I, like
many other students before me, have be
come aware of many unspoken but unwa
vering laws for collegiate life. Fein and
Schneider’s idea of throwing a group of
rules together into one volume is a good
one and has inspired me to do the same.
Unfortunately, because of space limita
tions, only a brief sampling of The Rules:
Time-tested Secrets for Graduating from
College Unscathed, Accepted and Exactly
Like Everybody Else can be printed here.
Look for the full-length version in local
bookstores soon.
1. Coffee and Cafes: The Perfect Combi
nation
It really doesn’t matter how much caf
feine you drank before college or how
many cool hang-outs you frequented; by
the end of your first term, you better be
drinking coffee nightly— especially for
those late-night study sessions (See Rule <
#4). And the local watering-holes better be
seeing your business on a regular basis.
Feel free to wear dark turtlenecks for extra
effect; you’ll be more successful.
This rule is even reinforced by college
promotional booklets we all received daily
in our college search (remember?). An ex
ample: “You’ll take a much-needed break
from the books with friends as you nurse a
hot, double-tall latte at the nearby coffee
shop discussing the nuances of Shake
speare’s Henry IV." Ah, the bliss.
2. Be a “Cool” College Student.
College life is unlike any other time,
don’t we know it? After playing countless
games of frisbee and hackeysack on the
Quad, we go home to our messy rooms full
of dirty laundry. Use a washer and dryer?
We don’t have time. We’re too busy being
college students. If we’re not going to cut
ting-edge shows at WOW Hall, we’re lis
tening to hip new tunes on 88.1 KWVAor
95.3 KNRQ, cranking the volume to the
hilt.
Once and a while, we grab a group of
friends and head out on a road trip, the ulti
mate in twenty-something adventure. Who
cares where we’re going, as long as we have
enough beer to get us there. And sleep real
ly isn’t an issue. We have too much to do.
Note: If you’re, for some strange reason,
not doing one of these things, you’re doing
something wrong. Get help immediately.
3. Party!
Our predecessors at the University, Blu
to and the Delta House, will never be over
CHRIS HUTCHINSON/Emerald
come. It is simply impossible to party too
hard. But of course, this is obvious to any
well-meaning collegian. Weekends (and
Wednesday nights as well) have one and
only one purpose: To have as much fun as
possible. And we’ll use any means neces
sary to do so, including any substance,
chemical or personal interaction available.
Okay, okay, some people say we need to
study for our classes. I mean, we are stu
dents. But what they don’t realize is college
is a place to have fun, not learn. More on
this in the next rule.
4. The Final Hour is the Best Hour.
Yes, we do need to study — a few times.
If we didn’t, we’d get kicked out and then
we wouldn’t be able to be college students
anymore—not a good situation. Therefore,
our focus must be on passing our classes.
Forget academic excellence. In order to
achieve this goal, only a few small man
dates need to be followed:
a. Wait until the last possible second you
can while still being able to complete your
assignment. Quality is not an issue.
b. Never attend your professor’s office
hours. We’re not looking for personal inter
action here. You may actually start caring
about the class.
a Donus will De awarded tor all those
who find themselves on academic proba
tion. There’s nothing like being right on the
edge.
5. Become an Activist.
Like the old adage, if you don’t stand for
something here in Duckville, you’ll fall for
anything. By the time you graduate, you’d
better have spent countless hours fighting
for one or more gallant causes. Because if
you don’t, your years here will have
amounted to nothing. Didn’t the legacy of
our 1960s and 1970s University counter
parts teach us anything? There’s nothing
like a good protest.
Five rules to guaranteed happiness,
i Remember and follow them with tireless
devotion, and you’ll graduate with the sat
isfaction of knowing you did all you were
supposed to do in college. Everybody
expects us to be a certain way. Why
disappoint them?
Ashley Bach is an editorial editor for the
Emerald. His views do not necessarily
represent those of the newspaper.
PO BOX3159. EUGENE. OREGON97403
The Oregon Daily Emerald is published daily Monday through Friday
during the school year and Tuesday and Thursday during the summer
by the Oregon Daily Emerald Publishing Co. Inc., at the University of
Oregon, Eugene, Oregon A member of the Associated Press, the Emer
ald operates independently of the University with offices at Suite 300 of
the Erb Memorial Union.
The Emerald is private property. The unlawful removal or use of pa
pers is prosecutable by law.
Editor-In-Chief: Steven Asbury
Managing Editor: Thom Schoenborn
Night Editor: Thom Schoenborn
Community: Jennifer Schmitt, editor. Eric Collins
Entertainment: Nicole Kreuger, editor Jesse Stephenson
Higher Education: Laura Cadiz, editor. Benjamin Kwasney
Opinion: Ashley Bach, Brain Diamond, editors.
Chris Hutchinson, illustrator
Student Activities: Angie Suchy, editor. Autumn DePoe,
Dana Williamson
Sports: Mark McTyre, editor. Andrea DeYoung, assistant editor.
Chris Hansen. Ryan Frank, Ryan Halvorsen
Copy Desk: Sarah Kickler. copy chief. Mike Schmierbach,
Kendra Smith
Presentation: Dennis Bolt, editor. Matt Garton
Photography: Mathew Stiffler, editor. Joe Bunik, Amanda Erickson,
Shannon Kilduff, Chad Patteson
Freelance: Carl Yeh, editor. On-Line: Nicholas Stiffler, director.
General Manager: Judy Riedl
Advertising Becky Merchant, director Anne Amador, Lee Yen Beh,
Yujm Chi, Matt Johnson. Andrew Lakefish, Anne Miller,
Trma Shanaman. Rose Soli, Matt Solomon, Greg Walsh
Classified: Tara Sloan, manager. Natasha Lumpkin, Debbie Levy,
Heather Moye
Production: Michele Ross, manager. Ingrid White, coordinator.
Shawna Abele, Laura Daniel. Trevor Kearney.Tara Knight, Melissa
Lebahn, Molly McCanta. Ellen Milne. Mike Young
Business: Kathy Carbone, supervisor. Judy Connolty
Distribution: John Long, Jeff Johnson. Ferenc Rakoczi
Newsroom.
Display Advertising .
Business Office _
Classified Advertising
(541)346-5511
(541)346-3712
(541)346-5512
(541)346-4343
LETTERS
Improve campus safety
As a second year female at the Universi
ty, I am very upset at the lack of adequate
safety on campus at night. Hopefully this
letter will increase awareness and instigate
a direct response to the problem of insuffi
cient security.
I first began to question the effectiveness
of security at the University two weeks
into my freshman year. It was reported that
there was an attempted rape. It wasn’t in
the bushes or in an alley. It occurred out
side the Henderson dorm complex by the
bike racks at 2:30 a.m. In the aftermath of
the incident, we were issued packets about
services offered and lectured about precau
tions. Nothing was mentioned about the
University’s efforts to change current safety
standards. At this point, my women
friends and I refused to walk around cam
pus after dark.
The threats of attacks and assaults is a
factor that is crippling the mobility of
women’s freedom on campus after dark.
Although the University has taken minor
steps to respond to the issue of safety, there
are still flaws in the security system. The
University Office of Public Safety installed
emergency boxes, but none have reported
ly been used for an emergency. OPS tells
women that screaming is the best defense
for calling help, but how can OPS hear a
woman’s scream for help if they are inside
their vans? Therefore, the University
needs to have officers on foot as well as in
their vans.
Another important issue is whether or
not there is adequate lighting on campus.
To anyone who has ever been on campus
after dark, it is obvious there is a severe
problem. The walkways around the the
ater, science, architecture and the library
are just a few of the many areas on campus
that are poorly lit. Light provides the op
portunity to see oncoming danger and de
creases the chance of a surprise attack. The
question is why doesn’t the University fix
the problem? If the problem is where the
money will come from, I wonder why
there is a lack of money where the life of a
student is concerned.
It is statistically proven that women are
in more danger at night than men. Why
should female students receive a different
campus experience than men just because
the University fails to respond to the prob
lem of campus safety? If the University is
committed to an affirmative, equal oppor
tunity institution, then it is necessary to in
stall better lighting and security.
Kari Aront
Undeclared
Keep pressure on
Twenty-two years ago, as a freshman at
the University, I followed an Oregon men’s
basketball team that seemed unstoppable.
Ranked and playing well going into Pac-10
play, the Ducks stumbled in Corvallis and
later ended the season short of their goals,
but with a third-place finish in the NIT.
The Ducks lost six games by a total of 13
points.
Beyond the team you have now, the
most awesome weapon Oregon has is its
fans and in particular, one of the largest
group of students attending any game in
the Pac-10 conference. A smart, noisy
crowd in MacArthur Court could be worth
up to 15 points to the team, and a crowd
too focused on the other team could dis
tract Oregon from its mission.
1 make this request of you, students. Put
the pressure where it belongs, on the visit
ing team’s offense. Make noise in
MacArthur Court until you hear nothing at
all. And when they need it, give that team
a kick in the butt. It should be a great sea
son for you all and an experience you’ll
never forget.
Jim Aiken
Alumni ‘81