VIEWPOINTS fOlTORlAlS OPINIONS t f I If RS TO THf f OlTOR Salvi case raises guilt by-association specter ■ OUR OPINION: The murciew. not the groups he belonged to.« responsible for ihe crime On Dec. 31. HPM, John Salvi walked into a Planned Parenthood ( link in Brook line. Mam and Bred bullet* into a receptionist and three client*. Ho then drove five mile* to the Preterm clinic and »hot it* receptionist and two more people Both recep tionist* were killed Salvi. 23, is a Catholic and is fanatkal in his anti abortion belief* Over the year* he has attended Operation Rskim protests in front of clinics that provide abortion* and other services (or women. <. coast the mountains or lo our coun try home for « summer barbs* tie and yellow Jacket dodging contest On one particular trip, the folk* invtied two sweet )*panose girls to go with the family to Blue hake in Central Oregon Morn. Dad. my older sister. "Ihrvi! Bov" (my brother Tom), the two girls and I. all climbed into our nine-pas soitger Cfc. y van and headed east for the moun tain*. I sat in the heck seal with Tom and a cheesy book, the girls sat in from of us. and Dad drove while Mom ke|»i up a polite and intermittent banter with our guests The only reason I feel 1 can now tell whai happened nest, is that the statute of internation al humiliation limitations has expired Other wise. 1 would have been forced to testify before the Council on Foreign Relations and a series of United Nations hearing* about being an accesso ry io “Embarrassing Pranks Committed Against Humanity.’’ A* we traveled blissfully along. 1 sat reading my mediocre novel unaware tha! I was on the threshold of being pulled into a vicious plot that would forever tarnish U.S.- Japanese relations — and little Tommy the Terrible was the raving mastermind It happened suddenly and without warning "Hey Dave, look at thlat” 1 glanced up. annoyed at the interruption, and beheld what my monstrous brother had wrought There, perched firmly atop this menacing ft. year-old s index finger, was the biggest, gooiest. inuili-cokired boognr this side of the Cascade* Let me clarify that It was a HUGE. SCARY AND EXTHEMELY UNATTRACTIVE booger It was both disgusting and big — In lact. I'm sure it was a living organism GET KID OF IT.“ wa* ihn only thing I could think of hiding at Booger Boy a* I covered my mouth to cttfln a roar of laughter and despair. Tom looked at me and uid. "OK." With that, he promptly flicked “THE BIG GREEN m I MINI, on his Unger, appar unity launching the particle of note putty somewhere into the van's passenger area in front of I sal there (losing my battle against laughing out loud), hor rified but relieved that the sin istor wad of goo hadn't attached itself to me Ta*m*ntan Tommy sat there chuckling devi oualy Thcn suddenly, one of the Japanese girls turned halfway in her seat and faced us. She wasn't smiling "What is it?" she ask ml curtly, pointing to a gooey, greenish glob parked fiendishly on her forearm Yep Tom's nasty nose nodule landed smack dab on one of our guests Its impact sent a shockwave rippling all the way to Tokyo. As Boy Blunder literally exploded into a life threatening fit of red-faced laughter, my mind reeled (or some kind of rational explanation. "I think it's a bug'" I blurted, hoping to avert another Pearl Harbor "I dtwt't think so," the martyred woman replied a* she abruptly wiped away the oflfon *ive entity with a Kleenex and a frown At that point. Tom and I were completely incapac itated by laughter Time stood still We were dying Ufa as we knew it ceased to exist. 1 may have tried to offer up the lord's Prayer, but can t remember if I even got past "Our Father “ But Cod did intervene, and we miraculously survived the rest of the trip. I real ire now my brother and 1 unwittingly rewrote history at that moment I also realise the incident was a classic case where it was entirely inappropriate to laugh and absolutely impossi ble to keep from doing so. Tommy the Tyrant is atl grown up now. In fairt. he's in Japan this month for three weeks of winter training with his Army National Guard unit I should've called the State Department to prepare them for the looming international cri sis. Japan is one of America's most important allies, but l‘m afraid our already fragile friend ship might not survive my Uttle brother's visit David Bart bn, a junior prvntaforwg in journal turn, is an miitorial editor for the Emerald E-mail l*an&gladstorw uonrgpn #du