VIEWPOINTS
EDITORIALS, OPINIONS. LETTERS TO THE EDITOF
Football gives school
gift of honor, respect
■ OUR OPINION: Fooiba
team's success has
brought praise to the
entire University
As Dead Week mercifully
comes to a dose and Finals
Week get* ready to hand out
more rod eyes and
headaches as early Christ
mas gifts, students can
breath a sigh of relief in the
knowledge that there is life
after this term and that the
Ducks are going to the Cot
ton Bowl.
Let us all stand with great
maturity, put our thumbs in
our ears, stick our tongues
out, and in chorus c haul
loud enough that the Dawgs
in Seattle ( ar. hoar: "VVeTe
going to the Cotton Howl,
you're going to the Sunburn
Howl, na na na na naa naa."
Forgive our brief slide
into immaturity, but Wash
ington r oach Jim Lambright
opened up a whole new
debate (and added more fuel
to the flames of an already
intense rivalry) over the def
inition of the word "tat k\
l-ambright gets the
tInsportsmanlike CConduct
Penalty of the Year Award
(a bronzed C l |oe Doll
holding up a bronzed wad
of cow poop) for his kinder
garten-project attempt to
persuade Cotton Howl offi -
(ials to pit k them for the
Jan ! showdown in the hoe
down state,
Lambright's childish press
conference was a beautiful
representation of everything
putrid about Husky football;
they are arrogant and igno
rant.
Enough said. Let's talk
about a program with class
the Ducks
With consei utive national
rankings Jam 1 howl
appearances, doting media,
national TV coverage and
enough gro<mi and gold hypo
lo bring Vince Lombardi
bar k to life, il looks as if our
Due ks are on their way to
building a winning tradi
tion
It hasn't been easy and it
didn't happen over night
Former head coach Kit h
Brooks spent two decades
building the foundation for
a foot (rail program that has
put the University on the
map Brooks pushed for bet
ter facilities and respect
within the Par ifk -10 Con
ference fits belief in the
program, his staff and play
ers helped r reate an atmos
phere of excellence that
infer ted then-assistant
coai h Mike Hoi lot11 and
players like Hit h Ruhl, Jere
my Asher, Kanin Wheaton.
Alex Molden. (".ristin
McLenmre. Hit ky Whittle,
Steve Hardin. Siiila Male
peai, Danny O'Neil, Tony
Graziani and a team roster
pat ked full of other fighters
Students, far ulty. alumni
and fans should all realize
something very exciting
about being a Fighting Duck
not only are vve all part of
a solid educational institu
tion already respected in the
U.S.. but wo have athletes
who have worked harrier
than any of us may ever
realize to make their mark
in collegiate sports history.
Their dedication has paid
off
Fans now par k Autzen
Stadium, tin* alumni assor i
ation appears to be hearty
and healthy, donor money
flows in and sponsors and
advertisers jockey to make
connections with the Ducks.
It all makes for a great
party.
Thanks to the commit
ment of our football team,
our school gets to celebrate
New Year's Day with Col
orado in the Cotton Bowl.
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A year of great (ahem) achievements
When I began writing columns. I
promised myself I’d stick to the hard
stuff ami always make people think
Well, that's a ni<« little promise But
on this special day. when people are already
thinking too much, and column material is damn
thin anyway, why not try something with a little
levity?
So I've compiled my own list of achievements
for 1905 I present it with the hope that you will
cherish it and not just throw it away I*m a use you
think it's some mindless attempt to fill space
The Best of 190S
• Best ASIK ) Idea The Designated Driver Shut
tle (DOS). Finally people from the ASUQ have
stopped worrying about getting their next-in-line
re•«*!*»« ted and have actually responded to stu
news neetls (like inin« tonight)
• Best ASUQ Idea (Runner
Up): Hi'* KMIJ Brew Pub A
Iwiiutiful complement to DDS
• Best Place To Find Left
over Tear Gas Anywhere on
Hilyard Street.
• Best Job At Keeping The
Peace: The officer* of the
Eugene police department and
OPINION
lilt'll JHUpoilNIiy IU It»ar
on student*.
let's visualize a future, hypothetical scene
unfolding The police are called to respond to
multiple sightings of bush-urination. At hearing
the < all. Officer Orville and Officer Wilbur can't
hold back their feelings of joy.
They hurry to the scene, unlock the shiny tear
gas gun that they’ve dreamed of using for so long,
survey the scene and determine that the five kids
toking in the backyard are too dangerous to
approach.
Officer Orville "Gaw, dumnt. Thees har bull*
horn don’t wurk nun Shm ks 1 rekkert J’s gunna
hsf to use tha gnus’ Ywooetra. llanaa!"
Officer Wilbur (after several of Otis' shots have
emptied the house and the five surrounding city
blocks): Now lookie har You se-.t after two
shots, it 1h; mine tern So gimme!”
After the boy s have their fun, the police reports
of raucous student behavior are filled out and it’s
but k to the mundane i vde of jaywalking tickets
• Best trial Of The Year 1'he People versus
Tim Peters He didn't have a hike light Now
there’s keeping the peace for y ou
• Best Trial Of The Y ear (Runner-Up): The Peo
ple versus O.I Simpson You know all those hoh
or-than-thou people who trounced around saving
they “despised'" the trial were the same people
who i ailed (Jemldo every night to talk about Mar
cia Clark’s new hairdo.
• Best Ur Seuss Re enactment Hyundai. Ever
read The borax? It’s a wonderful childhood story
about the Oncelor who conies to a serene land
and promises to give tire people big things The
Onceler kept promising until, one day, everyone
looks aruund and realizes that the water is the
color of a horse's big, brown butt. You figure it
out. Eugene.
• Best Song: The University fight song sung
by the one guv who knows it.
• Best In-Your-Face: Duck football. National
media and coaches gave Oregon the lowest pre
season ranking of any Pot: 10 champion. The
Ducks finished the season ns the highest nation
ally ranked team in the Pac-10
• Best Cheer Using Inventive Sexual Connota
tions "Stick it in. stick it in, huh." Whoever
wrote this one must have spent weeks on it.
• Best Job At Cashing In Your Chips Rich
Brooks How many head coaches possess an over
all losing record in college and then get promot
ed to the NE1.'
• Best Espousal Of Charity And Love In An
Editorial: The October 2 Ol)E Our compassionate
editorialist lauded the Eugene police for their
t< ier nu e" i ampaign aimed at ridding 13th
Avenue of homeless street kids They were
referred to as ''free loaders, street urchins and tan
gle haired, money-begging street folk "
• Best new major Environmental Studies
F inally there's a department for all those who
couldn't handle biology but still longed to hike
and consume (X)Ri’ fur four years
• Best Excuse Donavan Dichter, lnterfratemity
Council President According to polii e reports.
Dichter was seen removing TV and stereo equip
ment out of a fraternity house this summer. When
asked why he was taking the equipment, Dichter
replied: "We left beer here and wanted to take it
with us."
• Best Excuse (runner-up) Bryan Du Long Pres
idem. Sigma Chi fraternity. According to police
reports. Sigma Chi was cited for hazing after large
cleaning brushes were seen tied around several
fraternity pledges' necks DuLong told the police
the pledges were merely receiving “positive moti
vation.”
• Best Letter The witty, young lad who took
the time to tell me: “I read your opinion in the
Emerald. It was a well written article Too bad
your a dumbass I think the grammar speaks for
itself
• Best Column Well, it sure as hell isn't this
one.
Keith Cunningham, a senior majoring in English,
is a columnist for the Emerald