VIEWPOINTS
EDITORIALS. OPINIONS. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Senate chooses space
station over Americorps
OUR OPINION: Slashing the
service program hurts ail
Americans
Mow would you like to
earn money for college by
helping rebuild America’s
inner i dies, teaching disad
vantaged children how to
read or taking r are of an
impoverished senior citi
zen t
Unfortunately, that's no
longer an option
The U.S. Senate voted to
t ut all funding for President
Clinton's Americorps pro
gram Tuesday, opting to
invest money in a research
project to build an orbiting
space station instead.
The Republic an dmmiul
ed Congress has declared
war on the nation's poor
under the* guise of expense
cut ting-budget-balancing
and has set its sites on elim
inating "wasteful' and
"superfluous" programs
from the national payroll.
While reducing spending
is att admirable goal, it is
not only misguided, but
obscene to conclude that
Americorps is "wasteful." It
is a program that allows
turn-wealthy young people
to earn money for college by
improving the lives of other
Americans
Rather than fund tin* pro
gram for the requester! S81U
million, the cost-conscious
Congress approved spend
ing $2.1 billion for the spar e
station and an additional
Si 1 billion to complete the
station by 2002.
Americorps established
one of the few win-win situ
ations in federal policy. Stu
dents who needed financial
assistance could earn it by
serv ing their country with
out joining the military.
While students on the CM
Bill protected the nation,
Atnerit orps students gave
them something to protect.
At the same time, the work
of Americorps students
helped inner-city kids
improve their chances of
staying irt school and living
long enough the attend col
lege
By not funding the pro
gram. the Senate has not
only made it more difficult
for middle-i hiss Americans
to attend college, but it has
simultaneously taken oppor
tunity out of the hands of
the hungry and the home
less Our representatives, it
seems, believe the poor are
not a priority. The flaw in
this value judgment, howev
er. is lhat by making higher
edm at ion less ar - essible to
low and middle income
families, the number of poor
people in ihis t ountry will
continue to grow It will
also widen the gap between
the haves and the have-nots
into a chasm.
More than half of every
tax dollar is spent on
defense, social security and
interest paid on foreign
debts Yet Congress has cho
sen to cut the segment of
budget that affects the most
Americans but costs the
least The National Endow
ment for the Arts, the Cor
poration for Public Broad
casting. Medicare, and wol
fat!1 have all gone under the
Congressional knife.
When a governing body
begins to plat e the value of
technology above the value
of people, it no longer repre
sents the public it is sworn
to serve. Rather than sup
porting a program that
sought to rebuild America,
our Senators decided to start
construction in space
instead. Now, what was that
again about family values?
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Freshmen: Have fun, live a little and learn
"Training ts everything Cauliflower is nothing
but cohhuge with a college education ~
— Samuel Clemens
When I was a freshman, I know every
thing At that age everybody does
For the pas! three years I have grad
ually (and painfully) learned every
thing I missed. So I'm going to pass on all that
wonderful knowledge to all you little freshmen
whipper-snappers who are now part of this
illustrious institution
First off. you don't know jack You may tie 18
and invincible but you're still an idiot I don't
know how many times I've siren freshmen con
vince! they're right, get m a face-off with a pro
fessor. You have a high school diploma; the pro
fessor has a Ph D. Think about it.
Kush during the first week of classes The
frats will give you free beer by the gallon Then
don't Join. Unless of course you like running
around in your underwear with a toilet brush
around your neck looking for the soggy biscuit.
This isn't hazing It is now referred to as "moti
vational training ” If you're joining a sorority,
smack any one who asks you how much Daddy
makes
Don’t j>et the wildlife on 1.1th Avenue Don't
[Hi the dogs either If someone asks you fur
spare change, ignore them Most of them are
young, have good strong backs but are afflicted
with the unfortunate disability of being ''moti
vationally challenged." Nothing that a haircut, a
bath and a little work ethic won't cure.
Ahh. the dorms. Oops, I mean "residence
halls ” This is n must for all freshmen Don't be
a wimp. Stay all year long. It's an experience
and an adventure—especially if you live in the
Project (a.k a Bean). Don’t think of the rooms as
cramped, just really cozy. Rumor has it that the
complex was designed by the same guy who
drew up the plans for San Quentin.
Resident assistants are a nuisance. They're a
bunch of arrogant juniors and seniors with deity
complexes whose job is to make sure you don't
have too much fun. If thev gel persnickety, go
buy a Ivag of crickets at a pet store and release
them in the KA's room He or she won't be able
to sleep for a week If the kill joy is still a prob
lem, stack all the furniture you ran find in front
of his or her door and go make some mischief.
Dorm food sucks. Plain and simple My fresh
man year, my roommate thought he was in
heaven—all the food he could eat. A few
mouths later he realized that he was in culinary
hell It's not so much that they try to poison
you. they just overcook everything, leave out all
spices and flavor and get recipes from the Unit
ed States Marine Corp, cookbook or the Culi
nary Handbook of the Federal Penitentiaries. Be
safe and live off salad, toast and cereal. If you
need protein, eat a squirrel.
OPINION
i mw] mmw
If you art; n white, heterosexual male, start
apologizing now. Everything is your fault (at
least on this campus), so get used to it. Just
smile a lot and try not to take it too personally.
Use a condom. Sex is groat, but don't Iw an
idiot. You get AIDS, you die. There's no cure,
and I wouldn't plan on them finding one any
time soon. But of course it won't happen to you.
You're invincible, know everything, and the
person you're with certainly wouldn't lie infect
ed. Dying before :t() is a bitch and a complete
waste of life, so don't be stupid.
Condoms are available at the Student Health
Center (across from Oregon Hall at the corner of
t;ith Avenue and Agate Street) for free, so grab a
handful If you get yourself into a situation
where you don't have one. take a romantic cold
shower and then run down to the nearest 7
Eleven and buy a box
There are also alternatives to intercourse,
such as massage and other little goodies, so he
creative and imaginative. Getting laid is not the
end-all and be-all of human existence. Cheer
up, at least you won't have to worry about Mom
and Dad thumping on your door asking what in
tarnation you're doing with a lioy/girl in your
room on a school night Just remember that your
roommate has a key. Thus endolh the sermon
Above all, remember that you're in college
and you will have experiences here you won’t
be able to have any where else You will be
taught how to think and grow, both from others
and yourself, but you must want to learn if you
are going to get anything at all from your time
here You only get out of this place what you
put into it.
So make merry, party your arse off and cele
brate life. Pull a campus-wide prank. Lord
knows we need one (Watch out—-OPS and the
campus administration are a hunch of cranky,
old farts). A dear friend once put it to me: "You
must always be true to yourself." You've only
got one life, so make the most of it.
/esse / Bohrrr-Clancy, a senior ma/oring in bio
chemistry. is a columnist for the Emerald.
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