Family values just don’t have the stuffing anymore I s that time of year again Tomorrow is Thanksgiving JLlfav. the dav when most Americans go home to he wiili their families We gather around the table, eat the "Melloagris Gallapovo" (turkev) and praise Mom for the stuffing, w hich is oven (tetter than last year's We tell each other everything that's happened since last year, exi hiding the embar rassing parts that we don't want Mom and Dad to know about. And we get to hear Grandpa tell the same stories that he told last year and the year before, and everybody laughs politely even though the joke about the out house at the old farm in Nebras ka wasn't that funny the first time he told it. And then everybody goes truck to where they came from We go back to college and draw a sigh of relief because Ibis year's Hap py Family Thanksgiving Gather ing is over and done with We've fulfilled our obligation, and there's a whole year until the next time, unless we're going back home for the winter holidays, that is. Perhaps this is a good time to stop fora moment and think n lit tle about the family. Not our own family, hut the family The fam ily us a social institution, that is Political pundits have long proclaimed the death of the American family: or if it's not dead yet. at least it lives on arti ficial life support. Statistics r Mark s Mu and seem to support this c hum If you get married tomorrow you will, statistic itllv speaking, get divorced sooner or Inter Most people do And the media i onsistentiv tell us that if you're not divori ed vet. chances are your family life isn't very happy We didn't need |ohn and Lorenn Hobbit to tell us that there are dysfunctional families out there, but the c ase of the see ered penis — despite all the prurient hysteria that surround ed it — certainly seems to illus trate this point So what brought about this sickness of the American family First, we'll have to ask ourselves whether this is merely a question of perception. Perhaps the insti tution of the family never was such a great idea Perhaps fami lies never really were happy Per haps people just didn't talk about their unhappiness in the past. Perhaps the Lorena Hobbits of the Age of Inntx eru e wanted to muti late their husbands' genitals They just didn't have the guts to do it. Perhaps Hut somehow, I doubt it. I think that if we are to under stand the dm line of the Ameri t an family, we must look at a much deeper societal tendeni \ It has its root in the ideology of this nation, as it was written down in the Declaration of Inde pendent e and the Constitution It's .iIhiiiI the wav A merit ans val ue freedom more than anything else, and it t an lie summed up in one word individualism We regard individualism as something positive in this t.oun trv We think everybody has the right to have dreams and pursue those dreams, as long as they don't harm others in their pur suit And we love the underdog with the strange, unconvention al ideas that the establishment laughs at — until she realizes her ideas, crushes the establishment, and hei nines the establishment herself That's Ainerii a Thai's what built this country Strong, indo pendent people who could su< ■ i eed because they had the free dom to live their dreams So we teach our i luldren to lie strong and independent We teach them that it's important to have dn'.inis, and that evorybudy has the right to wish for a hotter tomorrow But not only that: We teach our < hildren that they have the right to /ice their dreams, to pursue all their desires "If you want it," we tell them, "then go for it It's \our right as an indi vidual Hut have you over thought 01 tin' tiii t that this individualism, extolled in so main political sptu'i ln"«. mav lu> incompatible with the idea of the family? After all. o family is .11 omnium tv. and for people to live happi ly together in a i ommunitv. they must sacrifice some of their indivIdual liberty It sounds obvious, but fora lot of people it isn't A lot of peo ple go into marriage and family life with the notion that they're still going to lie able to pursue all their dreams and live out all of their individual liberties They think that they have the right to demand instant gratification of all their desires, lie they materi al. spiritual, or sexual, even if it means that they'll pursue their happiness a! the expense of their spouse's and their children's People today spend less and less time with their families and more and more time with their work, their hobbies, and in front of the television set That's why a lot of people get divorced these days I don't know if adultery is the most common cause of the breakup of marriages Hut I think most of the breakups 01 cur because one of tile spouses is being unfaithful Not not essari l\ with someone else, though Most marriages break up Ins ause the x|H>usox love f/iemse/vrs more than one another I'm not saving that people are immoral I'm just saving that thin hi*havi) exactly me was vou’d expei t them to behave in ,i culture that emphasizes indi vidualism mani than communi ty values Perhaps it's too lnti> to save the Aineric an family Perhaps individualism has become such an Ingrained part of our cultur al value sv stem that vve i an nev er again return to the solid fatni lv structures of the post And. i onsidering the wav this struc ture often inhihited the liberty of women and perpetuated racial and economic gaps, perhaps the death of the American family isn't worth mourning after all. Hut I happen to believe that a lot of good tilings i an come from the famih And I also happen to believe that a lot of bad things can i nme out of the breakdown of the family I don't think it s on oversimplification to suv that the breakdown of the family is one of the primary causes of mi reused crime, violence, hate .itid general unhappiness in our The American family may he dying, hut Thanksgiving is here to remind us that the idea of the family may still lx* worth pursu ing So this Thanksgiving, let's honor the institution of the Inin ilv. whether you think it deserves a c omineiiiorntion or a i elehrntion Happy Thanksgiving! Marius \feland is u columnist for the Tmerald Both of these cost about $30 a month, but our^mes with programs you can actually use. 11 - •* tkinnd* |>!e (mmputer Loan, the entire package shown hen* costs about SsO a month. So. for high-quality programming, turn on a Macintosh or I’owerliook It does more. It Costs less. 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