EDITORIAL is Cheaters often win; some even prosper The numbers are in, and a good portion of University students are cheaters. If you do cheat, and your con science allows you a soft pillow at night, you're likely to get away with it. If you don't cheat, watch your shoulder. A recent study by Professor Joe Kerkvliot from Oregon State University has concluded that 42 percent of people have cheated on at least one college exam. Other studies more tnan douoifi mat ng uro if assignments are thrown into the statistics. With assignments and tests combined, Of) percent of college students have cheated on an exam or an assignment. The odds are in your favor to cheat and get away with it. Take your average class of. say. 100 students, and every single one of them, except for 10. are cheaters. That seems to provide cheaters cheating off cheaters, which would definitely obscure some test scores. For those who are cheating, the professors aren't real ly looking. The majority of the professors that do look aren’t going to say anything. A Carnegie Foundation report stated that 60 percent of professors at one uni versity saw students cheating, yet only 20 percent reported it. Here at the University, loss than one-half of one percent of students are actually written up for cheat ing. Last year, 44 students from the University took a tor turous walk to the third floor of Oregon Hall to meet their doom in the associate dean of students office. There are some 13,094 undorgraduate students at the Uhiver sity (taking the smallest statistics available), and slight ly loss than half of them cheat or have cheated on an exam; only 44 of them actually suffered any conse quences. Certainly socioty looks to cheating as one of the most disgusting acts of social misconduct, yet a big chunk of them do it. Sure, the majority of people, if asked frankly whether they hove cheated, would say absolutely not. According to the survey, this number is 75 percent. For the 10 out of 100 students that actually hit the books and attend lecture, watch those wandering eyes. Lurking at the desk right next to you or maybe behind you is the big hunk of society that claims it never cheats, but actually does. It may be the easy way out. but sadly enough, it seems to work. Maybe cheaters really do pros per. Take your average game of Monopoly, where the banker always wins. This is not because they are a real estate genius; they just have their hand closest to the pot. If you cheat, the odds of getting away with are in your favor. Being one of the 44 that does get caught and takes the walk to Oregon Hall would be quite demeaning. Even though society, on the surface, seems to frown on it. cheating really doesn’t seem to be worth It. Don't roll the dice (it's hard to cheat at dice). If you do. the odds may be in your favor, but the consequences will always be horrid. ...-L Oregon Daily Emerald The Oregon 0.*r> f meraW is published daily Monday through Today (Xmng the school year and Tuesday and Thursday during the summer by the Oregon Deity Emerald Publishing Co . Inc . at the University o! Oregon, t ugene. Oregon The fmaraW operates independently ot the the University esth offices at Suae 300 or the fcrb Memorial Union and is a member ot the Associated Press The truer aid * private properly The unlanrlui remove t* use ot papers a prosecutable by law Editor Jn-Chlet Jaffa Barg Urging EdHor Editor tel Editor Oraphkt Editor ffidinci EdHor CeBey Anderson OevKj Thorn Jell Peaiey Jeff Winters •pom Editor win Edltomi Editor Jo« P CCJWT ■u VlL A $5000 flN^, 5^2,-rr x 0*l€ vvnv4 lp«€H* OPINION Newspapers offer bizarre sex Kk\in Tripp The news last week was of the variety that could bring tears of joy to even the most seasoned tabloid jour nalist. Joey Buttafuooo went on trial for having sex with Amy Fish er Michael Jackson apparently fled the continent over allega tions he had sex with a 13-year old boy and/or for getting hooked on drugs his doctor pre scribed to him (because he was stressed out over being accused of having sex with a 13-year-old boy), and )ohn Bobbit may nev er be able to have sex again for no other reason than because his wife l-orena is handy with a Gin su. Although these sagas are of the breed that give the National Enquirer a month’s worth of cover story ideas, the main stream press also appeared to jump on the bizarre sex theme like a shark to fresh blood. On Tuesday. Nov. 16 alone, the New York Times. USA Today and the Oregonian all managed to give significant cov erage to at least one of the afore mentioned stories (even though though they did quote Geraldo Rivera in their Buttafuoco news story. I'm putting USA Today in the "mainstream" category... ba rely). Still, it was our own Register Guard that gave me my 35 cents worth, with all three stories cov ered within the first three pages of that same day's edition. Being blessed with such a find, 1 feel I should share my good fortune with you: all the busy, over worked students who haven't had the time to keep up with the nation's latest bizarre sex sto ries. So if you need an update, here is how those first three pages grabbed me: Page one, or “I'll put five bucks on Valium" The top of the front page con tains a large map of North Amer ica and a hunch of stuff about the North American Free Trade Agreement, a.k.a. NAFTA I saw Ross Perot and Dick Gephardt whining about this on CNN, so I'm supporting it. The two other top stories are about school funding and loans and stuff, but I hate school as it is, so I'm skip ping those stories as well. It's not until I reach the bottom of page one that I get to the meat of the day's news. 1 ha headline roads: Lawyer says singer addled by drugs," and the article goes on to explain how Michael Jackson has fled to an undisclosed loca tion so “he could enjoy some privacy as he recuperates from the addiction to painkillers." The article also states that "Jack son’s attorneys insisted that the entertainer is not fleeing allega tions that he sexually molested a 13-year-old boy” and that "Jack son was last seen publicly in Mexico.” Jackson, whose attorneys say "denies the allegations against him," does not appear to be helping his use much by fleeing to Mexico to an undisclosed location where he hopes to kick an addiction to an undisclosed drug. The words "fleeing," "Mexico" and “ drugs" do not leave a good impression when used in the same sentences. Page two, or “At least it wasn't rusty" For the most part, page two of the Guard is Tilled with the weather forecast, but just above that is its daily "People" sec tion. Although this space is gen erally Tilled with tidbits about celebrities (and. true to form, there are two paragraphs about Michelle Pfeiffer and Joni Mitchell), the bulk of the section this time contains an update on the marital difficulties of John and Lorena Bobbit. This piece focuses more on the "people” side of the story, so it's brief on details. However, 1 did find the opening paragraph very enlightening, so I'll share that with you: "John Hobbit said ho forgives >1 is wife for cutting off his penis unci accusing him of sexual assault and that he still carries her picture in his wallet." Although the story does go into some detail concerning the Hobbits' ill-fated marriage, including her charges of abuse and his counter charges of more of the same, one crucial ques tion is never answered. This angers me not only because I think 1 heard the answer to this question in a joke David Letter man told, but because I know that 49 percent of the people who read this article are also dying to know the answer. That is, did he get it re-attached? Stay tuned. Page three, or “I like writing ‘Buttafuoco'" This is the story that refuses to die. Right in the middle of page three, surrounded by stories about teen abortions laws, gun violence in New York City and earthquake predictions in Cali fornia. stands joey Buttafuoco, himself surrounded by a mob of police, photographers and tele vision cameramen. Below that is the headline, “Judge sentences Joey: 6 months and $5,000." And below that, surrounded by the text of the story, is a picture of the other main player in the story. Amy Fisher. 1 wish 1 could do justice to this one, but three made-for-TV movies, two books and a slew of Saturday Night Live skits still haven't put it to rest, so I don't think I'll even be able to come close. Still, the fact that the only two media organizations cover ing the story that are mentioned by name in the article are Come dy Central and A Current Affair should hold some relevance to the reader. Other than that. I can only give you the words of Amy Fisher herself: "This man took me to expensive restaurants and cheap motels." I think that says it all. 1 just wish I knew whatev er happened to that NAFTA thing. Kevin Tripp is a columnist for the Emerald.