I EDITORIAL How to improve the Ferry Street Bridge Local radio stations ofton try to boost their ratings by including a morning and afternoon traffic report. Inter spersed among all of the talk about fender benders here and speed traps thero, there are always a few moments in each report dedicated to addressing the city’s most prominent traffic nightmare: the Ferry Street Bridge. These radio reporters apply a distinct set of rules when talking about the Ferry Street Bridge. They never say traffic is moving "faster" or "slower" without adding the all-important qualifier: "... than usual for this time of day." The city has proposed the expansion of the bridge to six lanes, in order to accommodate all Iho extra rush hour traffic. Students from the architecture school at the University also provided the city with a number of alter natives. Some were more attractive than others, but all attempted to deal with the problem, which has become a daily headache for motorists who spend the day down town but keep their homes north of the river Some have suggested that the expansion of the bridge will only serve to "encourage" automobile traffic, which is apparently a bad thing to some environmentally c on scious members of the community. They stress alterna tive modes of transportation and believe that any poli cy that makes it easier on the motorist will, as a result, help perpetuate the environmentally degrading prac tice of automobile driving. The same logic has been applied to proposals for a west Eugene parkway, whic h would attempt to alleviate traffic along West I itli Avenue, another major arterial that underwent expansion this summer from four lanes to five. The new parkway, like the expansion of the Fer ry Street Bridge, has also been lambasted as a way of (can you believe the gall of city planners?) making dri ving easier. Has anyone thought about what might happen? The city expands a bridge here, builds a now freeway there and BOOM! Eugene's just another Los Angeles, only with less sun. So the solution seoms clear: We shouldn't expand the Kerry Street Bridge. Heck, we ought to just tear it down completely. Let's see the wicked automobile drivers get to work then! But then there would still lx; a lot of folks driving their despicable ears elsewhere in the city ... something would have to he done about them. Let's also knoc k out the Beltline, Franklin Boulevard and all of the other bridges across the Willamette. To top it all off. we should stop funding street repairs altogether and let the whole infrastructure disintegrate That way people's c ars would not ho able to pollute the air with their noxious exhaust gases, and with all of the* new grass growing up between the cracks in the unat tended roads and streets, the* c ity would become all the more green. Wouldn't that be great? No more cars, no more parking lots, no more ugly pavement? No more business. No more people. No more Eugene Oregon Daily Emerald Managing Editor Editorial Editor Graphics Editor Freelance Editor PO 00*3«W IUC€MC 0«IG0N»74W The (Vapor* D» y Cm*mi >» puta-shed daJy Monday through Friday doling the aehooi year and Tuesday and Thursday doling the summe’ by the Oregon Deny fcme'«:d Publishing Co , lr>C . a! the University ol Oregon Eugene Oregon The emerald operates independently ot rt'-n Un. vrvv!> wth once* at Sorte 300 o* the ( rb Memorial Umon and s a member ol the Associated Press The fmeraid •» private property The uinawtui temoval or use ol papers a prosecutable by taw Edltor-ln-Ch!el Jake He>g CaHey Anderson Sports Editor Steve Urns David Thorn Editorial Editor Jell PcKhardt Jett Pallay Photo Editor Anthony Forney jeh Winters Supplements Editor Kafy Solo Night Editor Kaly Solo Assoclata Editors: Scot Clemens Student Go rernmen (Melinites Rebecca Merntt Community. Rivers Janssen. Highor fduration. Admuvarrelron New* start Leah Bower. Dave Cherbonneeu Mag Dadolph. Amy Devenpon Maiui Felds. Mart.n Tisher Sarah Henderson. Ank Messeidahi. Edward Ktoptenpem. Ym long lecmg, Tnata Noel Elisabeth Raanttyarna. La Salcicoa. Scott Simonson Stephan.# Sisson Susanna Sletteni. Jute S wen sen Mcheie Thompson Aguiar Kenn Trpp, Amy Van Tuyl. Dane. West Oansral Manager: Judy Red Advertising Director: Mark Walter Production Manager: Mtheie Rom Advertising: Frehme Ben. tyndsey Bernstein. Subn Dutta. Ncole Merimatk. Teresa lutieiie. Jeremy Mason Mamaai M.tieno. Van V CT Bryan II. Rachael Tru«. Kelsey Weaet: Ar*g><* W«ndh«»m Claaslftad: Bac*y tAarchant, Mmru^tfr Veto# Mafia. S*m Tza Tac* Distribution Brandon Andaraon. John Long Graham Srmpaon Businas*: Kathy Carbona. Supensso' Judy Connolly Production: Oaa McCott). Produclxw Coor&ntto' Shawna Aba*« Oag Dasmond. Tara Gauttnay. B#ad Jowi, Jann.ta# Rolano Nat! Thangvtgit. Clayton Yae Nawsroom.......346-5511 Display AdvactlslngJ46-3712 Businass Omca.346-55H Oassmad Advancing ^ Car A gets good gas mileage with good performance. TT\e auto industry has assembled the best research team in history to try to crack the hitherto on solvable probier* of how to get the same results from other cars. f Just a suggestion PUT EWGtNE A r if CoulD NEVER \moRK TV# U one ItH is the mem whom Iw foal's hi* grass\ knoll near the EMI at the comer of I'm \ersit\ SInft and East i:ith Avenue ought to he a hit green er this week due to the present e of Inn. who's in the fertilizer business " In tase you missed it. Jim and three of Ins best buddies took to the grass\ knoll Thursdav after noon to warn students that they were all going to hall This appar ently bothered some students, who mode their displeasure known b\ spending the better part of a sunns day suggesting more colorful terms for Inn's holy "fertilizer.'' l or those in attendance who were not sure about their eternal fate. Jim wore a sign listing those who will burn in eternal fire, or something Included were bars, drunkards, pot smokers, pill pop pers, homosexuals. Pharisees (are they still around?) and the worst heathens of all — Mormons. Jim could have more concisely sum marized his list by replacing all the classifications listed with one word — “You." Jim is also a frustrated coach. At least that would explain "The Whistle." which Jim would blow at random moments. To his certain dismay, no one liegan doing wind sprints. However, with a little practice, he could have a promising career direct ing traffic. Or perhaps Jim simply wants God to let him blow one of the trumpets that will supposedly signal the end of the world and Aristot h* is practicing on his whistle Colorful as inn was. the crowd was not to he outdone. One woman, responding to Inn 's ven omous nttai k on homosexuals, shouted. Tin a lesbian, and I have to s.iv that I like it' Spec tators could almost smell the sul fur erupting from |im's nostrils after the remark As if that wasn't enough to i uuse the earth to open and Satan himself to make an appearance, two other lesbians proceeded to kneel in front of Jim and (gasp!) kiss In public' Jim said they were worshiping Satan. If that's the i ase. he ought to at least fie relieved that they didn't utilize more traditional methods, like sacrifii ing one of the squirrels that live near the KM Iv Hut. none of that could com pare to the guy who walked up next to Jitn. told him how lie respected )i*n for having the guts to stand up for what he believ es in and proi ceded to kiss |irn on the cheek Judging from the wav Jim stumbled backward, one might have thought he'd been sucker-punched. A number of self-identified Christians challenged Jim's inter pretations of the Bible and the teachings of Jesus. One man apparently made too much sense for Jim. who finally refused to lis ten to the man. saying, "l don't know if I want to listen to you today because you’ve offended me." A most ironic statement coming from someone who was in the process of offending just about everybody within earshot. Although much of the crowd's interaction with Jim did nothing to make either side look respectable, the one truly bright moment came when an interna tional studies student, who gave his name as Mark, stood beside Jim, described himself as a born again Christian and proceeded to bury Jim with rational yet pas sionate arguments that Chris tianity is not about hatred and condemnation but about love and acceptance of others. The crowd was then treated to an episode of dueling Bibles, as (im whipped out his good book from his Bible belt (yes. he actu ally wears a Bible belt, a kind ol gunslinger-for-God thing) and read a passage from Revelations about being judged. Mark then took his own mini-Bible out of his backpack and recited a pas sage urging people not to cast judgment upon others. Jim should've stuck to the whistle |im has a number of other hang-ups as well, especially con cerning women, whom he regards as too emotional for ratio nal thought When he discussed the sin of fornication, it was in regards to "you women who sleep with your boyfriends " So. men who sleep w ith their girl friends are not committing the sin of fornication. II you're a guy. this is good news Jim also knows how to work a crowd The couple hundred or so spe< tutors erupted in cheers to Jim's question. ''How many of you students at this college are involved in sex. drugs and rock n' roll?" lodging from the response, the hoofed one can expect a lot of company come Judgment Day. • "Some people are planters," Jim told the crowd. "I'm in the fertilizer business." Their wit knowing no bounds, the crowd responded with descriptions of the fertilizer — "Bullshit, bull shit." Perhaps many of the spectators were simply confused at the event, thinking it was the Home coming rally, which was sched uled for Friday. In fact, more peo ple attended what one spectator referred to as the Second Coming rally than attended the Home coming rally. Apparently the expectation of seeing the devil is more alluring than the opportunity to see Rich Brooks or jerry Green (neither of whom showed up Friday). Go fig ure. Martin Fisher is a columnist for the Emerald.