OPINION A philosophy of love in the twilight of romance MariisMei.am) "Love is n curious thing,” my friend Miguel said, adding a fourth lump of sugar to his cap puccino "People think it's eter nal. but in reality there's nothing that is more prone to change.” We were sitting at a sidewalk ( afe by the square in the small village of Tomelloso. Spain. At the table next to ours, a group of college students were drinking soda and talking boisterously. A policeman stood in front of the square and directed the traffic around a construction site, and a group of old men were playing hncrii• with tin balls under the shady willows of the square. "What do you mean?" I said. "I'd soy love is just about the only thing in the world that doesn’t change.” "Ah. but that's a common misconception. Just think of it. here we are in La Mancha, home of Don Quixote a few hundred years ago. Now. do you think anyone would go through all those calamities for a virgin like Dulcinea today?" "But Don Quixote was crazy. He wasn't a real knight, and Dulcinea certainly wasn't a real virgin," I said. "It doesn't change my point." Miguel said. (I was wondering if he was absent-minded or if he really meant to put a fifth lump of sugar into his coffee ) 'Don Quixote represents his era quite well. He's a parody of the old novels of chivalry, in which the knights would go to any length to protect the honor of the vir gins in the castle towers. That was the dawn of romance, and were living in its twilight hour." "But surely, you don't think of love ns a passing fancy of humankind?" 1 protested. "Socrates philosophized about it. Shakespeare wrote about it and Madonna sings about it Obviously, there's a lasting qual ity about it." "But do you really think Socrates' ami Madonna's love ant one and the same? Socrates philosophized about the prima cy of the ideal forms, and Madonna sings about Fmlica. 1 grant you. they both deal with what we may call love, hut they're very different forms of love. Love, defined as an attrac tion between people, may he a constant factor in human inter action, but it always expresses itself in new wavs, depending on the fashion of the time. Socrates was a pre-romantic, and Madonna is in the forefront of the post-romantic era "And look at those college students sitting over there. Do you really think they live by the same Catholic standards as their grandfathers over at the square?" he asked. "Well, I‘d say we're still pret ty romantic. We still send each other cards on Valentine's Day, and we still like roses and love letters and candle lit dinners," I said. "Those are merely relics from the romantic era. And they exist primarily for commercial pur poses Believe me. Valentine's Day would've been forgotten a long time ago if Hallmark didn't spend so much money remind ing us of it " (1 wati hed with disbelief as he added a sixth lump of sugar I was certain that the cup would overflow if he added another.) "But let’s get down to reality." he said "Nowadays, it s no longer uncommon to change lovers quite often And mar riages don't last Look at Juan. our waitor. he's been married three times, and in every mar riage he's had numerous mis tresses And he isn’t even 40 vet I think, people have begun to give up on the idea of eternal love "Well. / haven't given up on it'" I said, finishing up mv cup of tea "l still believe it's possible for a man and a woman to love ant h other forever "That's because you're so hopelessly romantic, my friend And old-fashioned. I might add If it were up to you. [ample would still fight duels at sunrise and sing Ivillads under Ivali onins The fact is. roirtam e is dead It vv.is a phase of love that began in the Middle Ages and lasted for about five centuries." he said "So what's the alternative to romance?" I asked "I don't know Right now. it seems to fie sex Our culture is obsessed with it Probably because our culture is profit-ori ented, and sex has Ixxome a b«st soiling commodity Look at advortisomonts. look at tho movies It's about dark, mysto rinus looking inon without shirts soiling Jeans It's about a sox obsessed blonde stabbing men with on ice pii k at thoir sexual climax And those who say they re unaffected by our i hang ing view of love are lying. It's reflix toil in divon e rates, in teen age pregnancies, in AIDS "I see Love is out. sex is in. I said. "No. you still haven't grasped mv point ' (He stirred his cnp puci ino with a spoon I "Love prevails, but the age of remain e is over We live in the age of real ism." And then he drank Ins < ap pui i ino Hack ill Amerii a. I went to see Slrpplf-s in Seatlh' with some friends of mine When I i nine out ot the movie theater. 1 was exhilarated. Now. that was a real romance; there could he no question about it Tom Hanks and Meg Rvan would love each other and live happily ever after. "What a wonderful movie!" I told my friends as we walked to tile car. I didn't think they (relieved in romance any longer in Hollywood It was awful." one friend said. "Dreadful." another friend said "So uurtra/islir!" the first one said. "\V ho believes in that kimi of love today the second one said. And then I knew it I Ixtlongto a dying spe< ies Ms friend Miguel was right Wo live in the twilight of the romantu era Manus Mclaiul is a columnist for the Isinerald Homecoming Weekend 1993 OCTOBER 29-30 1993 Take advantage of Friday’* afternoon lectures and receptions in the EMU from 3-4 p m. and 4-5 p m. Open to students, alumni, and the general public. 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