Clinton hits softball,
not ready for bigs
There was a surprising lack of fanfare to accompany
the swearing in of newest Supreme Court justice Ruth
Bader Ginsburg Tuesday, the first nominee to the
nation’s highest court made by a Democratic president
since 1969.
Surprising because, although she won an apparently
ringing endorsement by the Senate last week, which con
firmed her with only three dissenting votes, Ginsburg
represents one of the few landslide successes so far in
the Clinton presidency, a presidency that has had so lit
tle to cheer about in recent weeks that it brought out the
Marino Corps band to colebrate the narrow passage of
Clinton’s deficit reduction plan.
Liberals have heralded Ginsburg’s nomination as
much as conservatives have cringed at it. although nei
ther side is likely to see much significant impact. The
Kopuoucan presidents
have done all of the nomi
nating during the past 23
years have failed to pro
duce a truly conservative
court. Reagan’s nominee
Sandra Day O’Connor and
Bush’s David Souter have
frequently sided with the
more consistently liberal
The Clinton
administration
should rejoice in
Ginsburg’s easy
confirmation.
justices john Paul Stevens and Harry BJackmun. Adding
another liberal to the mix isn't likely to change anything.
A handful of die-hards have been whooping it up over
the nomination anyway, but they seem to be more
impressed by the margin of victory than because Gins
burg is such a quality choice. An easy victory usually
accompanies weak or disinterested opposition ... anoth
er hint that Ginsburg s confirmation won’t make much
difference.
One element of the nomination that might be worthy
of criticism is the possibility that Ginsburg was chosen
on the basis of her gender and not her merits as a judge.
Such an accusation isn’t too hard to believe, considering
Clinton's campaign piodgo to make his government
"look like America."
His nominees for attorney general prove his apparent
ly unwavering dedication to this idea, After public out
cry over his first two choices. Zoe Baird and Kimba
Wood, his third and final choice was another woman:
Janet Reno. Perhaps the top candidate for the job was a
woman, but the top three?
The potential dangers of such a nominations process
are many, but in Ginsburg's case (and Reno's) it seems
that no harm has been done. Both seem to be satisfacto
rily qualified. It's just that their nominations point to
more problems down the road, when the list of compe
tent candidates runs out before the demands of liberals
are met.
Far now, however, the Clinton administration should
rejoice in Ginsburg’s easy confirmation, despite the fact
that it won’t change much, because it indicates that the
administration has cleared at least one hurdle without
tripping. If the president is going to realize all of the
goals he laid out on the campaign trail, he can't be bat
tling for all of them.
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as simple. —
Hung over... and happy about it
__ZZZZ—_I
After learning that I had
just turned 21, people
have been asking tne.
"So, do you feel older now?"
"No," I've replied with a tired
grin. "I just feel hung over.”
That, in and of itself, is a
"yes" because 1 am acting older.
After all. last week $100
couldn't have (legally) bought
me a beer, but Tuesday night
found me exchanging quarters
for cups of Bud at Guido's.
Amazing what a few days can
do to a man. And to a man's
body.
Happy birthday to me
So here I sit. letting my fingers
fumble over the keyboard. Not
type. Fumble
Following five straight days of
‘Ml's my birthday!,” my fine
motor skills seem to be lacking
somewhat
Walking has become a labor
— I'm taking that one slow step
at a time.
My normal 50-words-a
minute typing has simply
become an experience of sitting
at the computer terminal, ana
lyzing the color of my cursor. Is
it purple or pink or indigo?
Even thinking is a pain A
simple, meaningless diatribe
about being hung over would
take a normal editor about half
of an hour to compose. Howev
er, the English language is not
coming to me (or my fingers)
very easily now.
When you drink, though,
words come very easily to mind.
And when you're buying quarter
beers at Guido's on Tuesdoy
night, talk is therefore cheap and
plentiful.
So here are two recommenda
tions I've pulled out of my foggy
heed to give to those of you
about to celebrate your "21er" (1
can't think of anymore. Because,
well. I just can't think):
• Watch the clocks in the
bars, not your watches Local
hangouts are apparently a little
further advanced into the future
than the rest of us. About 15
minutes, actually.
• Don't go out the night before
the final test in your weight
training class. Instead of remem
bering which is your tricep and
which is your bicep, you may
find yourself trying to separate
the memories of which was
Jagermeister and which was a
Snakebite.
Oh, well
Instead of asking me if 1 feel
older now, 1 hope people will
more appropriately ask me, "Do
you feel better now'"
"Sure,” I'll say. "Now buy me
a drink It's my birthday.”
Jake Berg is editor of the
Emerald.
Is Shaq an entropic Pepsi drinker?
p—- I
When I blew open the
Shaq-Mongolian con
nection in Tuesday s
column, 1 thought I had mined
that Pepsi commercial dry. How
ever. somebody up there (or
down there) apparently likes me.
and there's still gold in dem thar
soft drinks.
Of coupe, I'm referring to the
backwash or "Shaqwash." Or,
rather, the absence of it When
Shaq finishes drinking all of the
world's Pepsis in one mighty
swallow, the Pepsi bottles should
have had some Shaqwash flow
back into the bottle.
Where did this backwash go?
Like Pauly Shore and Michael
Bolton, it cannot be readily
explained by the known laws of
physics. As Einstein explained,
mass cannot be destroyed (or cre
ated). it can only be altered into
a different form such as rubber or
energy Perhaps Shaq converted
the backwash into energy ; how
ever. he has not exhibited any
exceptional abilities in this
regard.
Or maybe this is an extreme
example of entropy, the theoret
ical phenomenon that some
mass-energy loss in the universe
is taking place and that eventu
ally the universe will be as cold
and dark as Bob Dole's heart. It's
terrifying to consider that the
Shaq Attack may be accelerating
the untropic process. Or it's pos
sible that drinking Pepsi over
such long distances loses back
wash in the same power compa
nies lose one-third of their elec
tricity in the power lines.
1 asked some of the physics
professors who came from all
over the world to the Universi
ty this week for a scientific con
ference if they could shed some
light photons on the subject, but
they looked at me in terror and
ran for the complimentary
doughnuts. Clearly someone high
up is keeping these erstwhile
investigators of truth silent —
and well-fed. (Curiously, no
Mongolians attended the confer
ence. The implications are obvi
ous.)
Ed Carson is an associate edi
tor for the Emerald.