EDITORIAL Mandatory gun law first of many steps Stale Rep. Liz VanLoeuwon of Halsey introduced leg islation Friday that would make it mandatory for Ore gon residents to own a gun. She reasoned that gun ownership would deter crime because the state would become "too dangerous for criminals." Citizens could take the law into their own hands. Wo think that’s a great idea. With legislators like this, who needs enemies? Wo could also make it legal to run off the road motorists who drive too slow in the passing lane. That would, after all. deter slow drivers. Students should be allowed to club classmates who ask more than three questions during an average class period. If an especially stupid question is asked, the lim it of three should be suspended so students can legally smack the offender every five minutes. AH citizens should ho armed with a guitar tuner and muzzle to use on unsuspecting campus folk singers. Just imagine. Grizzled folkies well into their third verse of "Ameri can Pie" are greeted by an angry mob of taste fill music listeners. who proceed to cut down more dan gerously bad musicians. We should make it mandatory to steal from any home worth more than $300,000. The distribution of wealth is horribly skewed in the United States. The middle class is rapidly disappearing before our eyes while the rich are getting richer. Therefore, it makes sense for poor people to take matters into their own hands. The Oregon State football team should be required to lose at least 10 games each year, for tradition's sake. After all. it's dangerous to our morale for OSU to win any more. Everyone should be required to wear condoms at all times — even when fully dressed — to keep the state safe from AIDS. People need to take matters into their own genitals, er, hands. All students should be reouired to read the Oregon Daily Emerald in order to keep them safe from the inane rambllngs of the Oregon Commentator and The Student Insurgent. It's the safest thing to assume. All University graduates should have to take a "real world" workshop before entering society, to keep the state from turning into one giant Eugene. All University underclassmen should be prohibited from owning cars. This would help clear the streets for bicyclists and pedestrians, thus cleaning the environ ment. (Actually, this was proposed by Mayor Ruth Bas com. No joke.) Students should be required to wear nothing but tie dye shirts and Birkenstocks. to promote diversity. And finally, all state legislators should have to own at least one alternate brain at all limes. Occasionally, they lose their only working copy. All state legislators should have to own at least one alternate brain at all times. Oregon Daily The O«gon D**y Emerald 1 published da*y Monday through Friday during trie tcrvxy ^••r end Tuesday end Thursday dunng the summer by die Oregon Dariy F mar aid Publish mg Co Inc . m Ihe University o* Oregon. Eugene. Oegon The Emerald operate* independently ot Ihe University «nlh ohicee el Suite 300 ol the Erb Memorial Union and » a member ol die Associated Prees The Emerald >a pnvale property The uraaietul removal or uae of papers it prosecutable by Um Editor: Pel Maiacn Emerald New* Editor Editor tel Editor Qraphic* Editor IrtlArtBinmMl IdIKtf Berg Martm F«her Je* Ptoiey t m wA Horn FraMnca Editor Hops NtwSsoo Editorial Editor Rivari j«nu«ri Sports Edto> Oave Oarttonnma, SuuoMmanls Editor Cadet Anoarton Night Editor: Daralyn Tiappe Aaaoctata Editor* T»nmy Raley. Student CJovammane Arfrvrfwa, Daralyn Trapp*. Commo n«fy; Co#**n Pohkg, Higher £duc*»iwAdmrrr(*fr*hon Now* Statt Chester Asoo. Mandy Baucum. Wan Bandar. Justm Brown. Sarah Dark. Dylan Coulter. Mwg Dadorph. Amy Davenport Amanda forma Ase.a Farrar Teresa Murrtvngar L.sa Kn**l*i, lirut Maim Dorman Met arm. Slav* Man*. Tittmi MuaHar Tntta Noa«, Mathew Schusie* C*«o Shaw Mrchaar Shmdtar. (•<* StudonrcAa. Manon Sojdy ConnoOy Production: Ingrid W” la ProdKhan CooromaMv Krishna Granger Daa McCodb. Slacy Mtcn*a. Jannrlar Roland. Jennifer Smith. Anna Stephenson Htwvoom ... Bu»M4M Ortlc« 346-5511 346-3512 0*p**y Advertising 346-3712 Classified Advertising W^*W5 ^ LET GAYS »• IN THE ; MILITARY? I I PONT WANT A BUNCH OF GUTS OGLING l« ANP MAKING LEWP COMMENTS... MET. NICE SET A .BAZOOKAS... I MEAN. CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP ? OPINION Hearing proves ‘left’ isn’t right Thu day that everyone on tins campus agrees with me is the day everyone wakes up with the face you see at the top of this column. That will never happen — we aren't supposed to agree about everything. Humans will naturally dis agree about matters. Hut there are people at the University who would have you believe there is one correct way to think. And if you aren't right (or. supposedly, “left'' in this matter), don't bother applying to the club. To find out, just get nominat ed to the Incidental Fee Com mittee Ed Carson, who the right "left'' painted as a lesbian woman of color's nightmare, was confirmed by the Student Senate as the newest !FC mem ber Tuesday night, but not before the usual politically cor rect mud was slung at his face. ASUO President Bobby l.ee announced his nomination of Carson last week, a move that stirred the hearts and fists of those who love to hate the Ore gon Commentator . a journal of usually conservative opinion of which Carson is managing edi tor. How dare Lee subvert the democratic political process and appoint a racist, sexist, homophobic student like Car son. Well, he is ... isn't he? After all. he works for the Commenta tor . a publication that doesn’t even deserve to be breathing the same air as those of the right "left.” And everybody knows that everyone on the Commentator is a racist, sexist homophobe. Right? Oh. the irony of it all. Some members of (lie 1FC. which is predominated by a "liberal" view, don't want Car son m the club. Go Iwok to your own playground, they said. You don’t belong on our swing set because you're different and don’t necessarily share the same views. Well, folks, isn't that what diversity is all about, sharing different views, experiences and beliefs? Or is it about lasing in the t.iuh and telling each other how perfect we all are. and wouldn't it be great if everyone else was just like us? But if you keep to your per fect little clubs, then you won't have to look and set! the differ ent views working the monkey bars outside on the world's big ger playground. Apparently. Carson (a Repub lican. by golly) won't be invited to the dub's games too frequent ly. Hut who would want to. any way? Litierals, by definition, are supposed to be "tolerant" and "broad-minded." but in dealing with Carson's confirmation, they were anything but. Racist. Sexist. Homophobic. Who says? Well, it was in the Commentator , said the right "left " And though none of the articles in question had Car son's byline, everyone at the Commentator believes the same thing. Right? Tell you what, there will never bo a time when all of the employees at the Emerald agree on everything. Still, this col umn is bound to convince some readers that my opinion stated here is entirely representative of the Emerald's newsroom. Give me a break. Not everyone has my face yet, and I never expect anyone to — or share all of my iH'liefs. Allegations that women and students of color had concerns with Carson's nomination came to light at the hearing. One per son who spoke against Carson said his presence on the IFC would create an inhospitable climate, according to her sources. As a matter of fact, her sources were so concerned with Carson’s nomination they didn’t even show up to voice their Liberals, by definition, are supposed to be tolerant’ and ‘broad-minded, ’ but in dealing with Carson’s confirmation, they were anything but. opinions themselves. One other person present likened the Carson confirmation hearings to those thut the U.S. Senate goes through with U.S. Supreme Court nominees. Well, at least Anita Hill had the guts to show up and face questions concerning her allega tions against Clarence Thomas. Those who showed up at the Student Senate meeting to com plain were simply playing a game of "he said" and "she said." Another person said a num ber of students had told him they had heard some "stuff" that Carson was to have said about certain ethnic groups. That a friend of a friend of a friend (etc.) "said" some “stuff” has rarely ever been credited with giving the most reliable facts, and they certainly had no place in a confirmation hearing. The hypocrisy of the whole hearing was summed up in a quote Wednesday from an IFC member. She said Carson was "not the point” of the hearing. The same member, ironically, was one of three people who signed a letter listing five points of complaints concerning the appointment, three of which focused specifically on why Carson, the individual, should not be confirmed. She was right in one respect, though, because Carson — and his political beliefs — should not have been the point. The "left" was certainly not right. lake derg is news editor of the Emerald