athursday ■
catharsis
Those Beverly Hills 90210
darlings are headed your way.
Fight if, if you can.
Slop pietending \ow know \ou 11n(' tin ii
\nd < vcii 11 non i l.iim nou don t. you t e
i leal In hi denial Wake up and smell the
< oiler. lltTnh llilh '*>210 In blggei lli.Kl the
Ik uli s Youi rimivl.iN night* hate .hanged
loll-Nfl
111VI wll.tl IN ll .iImiIII /(// lll.lt IlMNl-N ll> on I lllllvl.lN
nights yearnin' .uni limnin' lot truue- In ii mrii'K the
N11 j K' [ til 1,11 I iliVNNIoll Willi I OI1NII tlllllN. Nil ll'lllll 1 IN .lllll
I’eai Ii I’ll i liresebtirgi in <)i in il viinelhing ilrc|k i
ilu meaning lx-IiiikI ilir motive- l oui out ot live
iIrnllNlN sniveled suggest ii in die gang itst It dial keeps
I Ik- masses anxiously awaiting "Scenes I-tom Nest
Wri k i ‘*>210 ”
lust vou've got tin- Minnesota iwiiiN hi .union ,uul
Bienda Walsli. Ilu- whole "li»h-oul-ot-waiei thing
w.in pi.uni III the lllll dining the filM season when the
rvei AVondei-Bi ead Walsh I.iiiiiIn adjusted to ilu Bin
1111 In nullities* — "< hnigod, Hi andiin. w h.u will I
weal ■" nn.in a Maple ot ilialogue
An we i an Nee from the Nu in tiler re-run n, the
Walslu-N h.iNe. at long Iasi. assimilated into the IIII
nu lling pot. Brandon. (lie l‘( -lilt-islet. Ii.in ilateil
eii'iNone wiilnn (lie i itN limiis — im hiding, but not
Untiled to. an (Mvnipu hojxliil. urw-girl-on-lltc-hlo< k
I iiiiIn \ alenlllle (who lalei perpetuated the nivlh ot
die liNNierit al women Inn reprising (.lenn < love's Fatal
\ttnutum role) and (out jx-i vinal lave) someone in a
wiinevN protei (ion program.
lie is al his most annoying when he pietends he
ai tualh needs Iiin alter-si ln»>l jolt al die Peat h Pit
Sou live in Beverly Mill* and dine an excellent
MuNt.uig i onveitihle, don't plead |x>veiIn to uv gin
I hen. ot inurse, there is Bienda Does anvone in
the viewing puhlii ai lualh like hei anyway' Kvei since
slie hooked up with Dylan, Bienda has gone tioni
innocent wait to pritna donna supreme.
Not onh in 'lie petjtetualh pissed alvotn Nomelhing
iidiiuloiiN. but nm- also will never torgive hei for
diNNing KelK s Inendship and running light home n>
I mil ,«n\ i
cm <-1>t 11>i I)ad '
lame stattitms
i ape < I a mi, l lial
he at tualls Im'
hlokcu latrls
(because lie
dnesii i list* mill
parents — s< ore I
Bui. bring a
I c t o \ c I I n g
alt oliulh . I >s l.iii.
n bile a int i e I 7.
has lived al least
1,000 lives
Also possessing
w isilmn lies olid
lici seats is Kells,
out ultimate
! a v n i lie
The whole Beverly Hills gang - Can anyone be this perfect? They think so.
t h.ii.tt in. While she wenu, tin the Miil.ite, In be
shallow .inti snobbs, Kells rules She .ihs.ivs lass hei
e nit 11 it ms till the line .mil hei intilhei s t nt.ilile
.ititlu linn li.ts mat It Kells .1 Ini inme rrsjsnnxible than
is ,i|i|>.uenl in the naked vtewei So wall h lulls
t Inilieti — lest you miss the subtle miant es
Not sn stihlle is Steve, Kells sex. he lure the tvso
partel Incusing oil Sieve's adoption angst, we
basic alls had assessed Steve as a lug, hlmid lanie-o and
t mild not understand Kells s attrartiori much m the
same ssas as that of (Man's in 111 end.i Hut the hits trip
to his Ness Mexican roots brought nut annthei suit- ot
the s|H»iled. usually piggish Steve. He soil is having a
perpetual had hail this, though.
Despite luntage o( a potential Andiea honk-up,
Steve has vet to get ovei Kells I hough we can
understand, a new obsession is kes at this juiictuie
We’d like the Andrea sparks to ignite because, like
Steve needs to get over Kells, Andrea, too, needs to
get was nsei Brandon.
... But, being a recovering alcoholic, Dylan, while
a mere 17, has lived at least 1,000 lives.
I..IIITI J( III I Ildl ISI.S like
ourselves must shake
«ur heads ai the
in>|>ortance placed u|mn
the Wesi Bcverlx Bla/e
bv Andrea. Dude, ilus is
it'll the whole Walsh dan that Kdlv’s mom was
pregnant after she'd been sworn to secrecy So
concerned was Brenda with Dylan's imminent
Valentine's surprise (not that she even got him a
present) that he didn't even bat an eyelash at bet
flagrant violation of the sisterhood Sut h lameness is
pat for the Brenda course.
Ihe teal question remains: Why is Dylan dating her
and not us. Not only i' be the hottest guv ever to own
a linker, but he also is the most supportive boyfriend
(see: Hold-up episode) and a rebel who breaks all the
rules for all the right reasons We are hard-pressed to
a HIGH SCHOOl. paper. Get a life-, and prove
Brandon wrong tor his diss about vour lark ol
experience during the condom epsode.
Another V0210 vestal virgin appears in the ever
anorexic form ot Donna Martin, who will not do the
deed until site's married (no thanks to David Silver’s
non-suave dropping of green condoms on pi//a).
While we do respect her for following her heart and
flagrantly smooching at-thc-time-geek David Silver,
her at ting abilities nevei will allow her to live down
the Spelling nepotism c li.uyes. nor will tfiat heinous
Mermaid costume from Halloween.
1101)11,1 s I s|h nu i muuv > it -
surgerv-but-stiH-look-kinda-funnv" fan- and gcncrallv
svveel demeanor have endeared her to mam a viewer,
Inn we i an i icalk get excited be her one wav oi the
other Mavirc it '•In- put on ,i leu {rounds W e do give a
(humbvup on lift relationship with David Silver,
however
David hmivll now i\ in a grav area, the love interest,
louplcd with loser friend Stott s axing and new stej>
siblingncss witli Kells all have served as important
tools in the elevating of David’s sot ial status, but it s
still somewhat of a sueli h to accept him as one of the
of lit ial gang A meieveai ago he was throwing eggs at
people s i ai s
Koundmg out the tin* Utils crew ate the patents
While Kellv ’s mom and David's dad did emerge with
then love aflaii at teiilcr nmrt fm an episode, and
Donna s philandering mom made a cameo as well, in
HIIwhen von talk tents, vou still talk Walsh Not onlv
does Mom want Dylan (you heard the voice-over <>n
tfie lettei she wrote on the last episode of the spiing
season) and has no life whatsoever that does not
involve het offspring, hut she i ompletelv allows Dad.
the sexist pig tvrant, to rule the roost with his
irrational hatred of Dvlan.
W e speculate that Dad's ndirulous behavior is
motivated hv his own not-so-latcnl incestuous lusting
.liter Brenda.
W’h.it lie doesn’t realize is (fiat Brenda realty wants
Brandon (that sure explains all of their late-night
talks and rendezvous m the bathroom). How s that
for familv dvnamic s?
So. wfiv is fin*rh Hills 90210cHir raison d’etre? We
know the show is at its lx-st when it steers dear of any
attempts to tackle the issues lugger than the prom.
Perhaps the questions is moot when asked of a
generation that knows tin- name of the Brady Bunch's
singing group (the Silver Platters).