OPINION Ace-Man, where are vou? Evil-doors and innlcontonts beware. Eugene has joined the ranks of Motropolis and (ioth am City with the recent d(*hut of a costumed crimefighler of its own. Aco-Man is hero to stamp out Injustice Eugene-style Unfortunately, the poor guy doesn't know what he's in for. Kipplcs were felt in obscure circles shortly after the Fourth of July weekend, when Ace Man mode a public relations stop at KLSR TV. Those on hand for the impromptu ap pearance where as Impressed with his shrewd diplomacy as they were with his road-work er-orange spandev leotards. His true identity obscured by a black hood, Aco-Man de clared himself the "new super hero for the 90s”. And although he offered no specifics, agenda items included saving the world and solving our Earthly problems. Before making a graceful exit. Ace-Man loft the stunned on lookers with his stirring motto: "I'm big and I'm orange.” Aco-Man hopped into u red pickup truck, driven by a still unknown trusty sidekick, and sped off into the mean streets of Eugene. The first confirmed sighting of Ace-Man prompted more questions than it answered If the comic brxiks are to lx? be lieved, remaining an enigma is very important for the average superhero. No doubt, Ace-Man has u host of arch-enemies ea ger to discover his true, mild mannered identity and his Achilles' heel, which a super hero, if ho is to moot the strict definition of a superhero, must have. However, several questions must be answered before the crime-plagued citizens of Eu gene can take heart in their new super-guardian. VVhat kind of superhuman abilities are at Ace-Man's dis posal? Fantastic strength? X-ray vision? Incredible crimebusting gadgets? If Aco-Man Intends to clean up Eugene he's going to require some attribute well-suited for the more mundane crimes that plague a quint, college town Perhaps a supedup mountain hike to run down those who show no respect for well-rea soned laws by riding their hikes through the campus quadran gle One thing's clear If Ace-Man is serious about the superhero bit, he should ditch the truck Where did Ace-Man come from? Real superheroes invari ably either originate in the lab oratory or from the most distant roaches of the cosmos Ace Man's revelation that he Intends to solve our "Earthly problems” would seem to indi cate an otherworldly birth place But his taste for orange spandox suggests a checkered past as an unstable construc tion worker. Superman got away with a questionable red and blue ensemble, but then again, no one's going to tease a guy who uses Iron bars as twisty-ties To further complicate things, when Ace-Man dubbed himself the new superhero for the 1900s, he showed a complete lack of understanding for the is sues that any modern super hero must face. Superman and his Cold War super-comrades had it easy, as far as meting out Justice goes They fought evil-doers at a time when evil-doing was fashion able. Lex Luthor made no bones about his malevolent in tentions. The Legion of Doom would rise from the bottom of the sea every week to hatch a new plot to rule the world. And if they weren't plotting world domination, the Communists or some other easily Identifiable group was Stopping their plans was a piece of cake. All Superman had to do was break through a concrete wall ami freeze Lex Luthor with a super-cold puff of air before ho could lake' the) krvptonile out of the load (xix Today, those doing tho harm have learned from Lex Luthor's mistakes They don't march around with kryptonite, and thov don't rise from tho ocean depths In a big purple huithln They hide behind ballot measures and glit/y television ads. which mask their destruc tive ideas in good intentions So. Ace-Man. tf you're really serious about lipping the scales of justice on the side- of gixxi. here are you're first assign ments • Stop the CX'A's attempt to re turn Oregon to the dark ages with their ultra-reactionary agenda If you're still looking for an arch-enemy, here you go. Ace-Man. If you're the super hero for the 90s, the (X)A is definitely this decade's Legion of Doom Lex Luthor has noth ing on (XIA head-honcho, and scx>n-to-be gubernatorial candi date. Al Mobetoy • Preserve the few remaining stands of old-growth forest. Su perman would just fly around the iiarth counter-* lex kwlse so fast that it would (urn back the clock. Then we would just take steps to prevent the destruction that has already occurred What are you going to do. Ace-Man? It's one thing to chain yourself to u tree, hut something cjulle different to jump the necessary political hoops and effect any real change Maybe Ace-Man has superhuman oratory skills • Rollback Measure 5 II we in tend to move from a resource based economy to one that is more knowledge-oriented, a vl abln system of higher education must be a statewide priority Measure 5 threatens that by causing budget cuts and tuition hikes. Ace-Man may !«• big and orange, but doe* he have fiscal savvy? Ace-Man. where are you? How do we call you. anyway? Does anyone have a big. orange spotlight? Experienced CRIMINAL DEFENSE CALL HUGH DUVALL Vonlrgd A Clark, Attorney a. P.C. 345-3333 lor quote • DUII/Bream rest Defense • Drug Defense • Illegal Slops & Searches • TheU/Forgery/ShopHlt • DMV/Susp Mear1nu.t .4 H »■* -. » N ^VfV I »UO0 • tUOULATt NITI • BUOULATINITI I r Nif ft Hy I i 00 ^ A RETRO FUTURE COMEDY! la l h « otyrto of mid* M u a a • v * A Rlilftl*! DELICATESSEN, TNK FAR SIPS By GARY LARSON -- PitAU WAT rRu*pf r auditions \N PROttffSJ 4