DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? i know you bek**> you uiettsfond what you hr* i scad ft./ lam not suo you mam that whsrt you heard e not what I rhtx// — Ancrtyncus l by MefcwW# S)++d Did you ever wonder what ft wcxid be ■me to be able to look thrrxjgh" another fx/nan being"? bke an X-ray picture you couia observe phy*o*og>c functions such as an increase in heart rate, high Wood pres sure and an increase n resp#afion vou probably would have iked ESP (Extra Sen sory Perception) better but these body functions are some of the physotogc signs of lying According to John Utty. who has worked with doiphns for years reasons 'hat dolphins, who use sonar to communicate wouid have to be honest all the time be cause of the* transparency to other doi phns !tw communication system could explain the highly ethical behavior of do* phrvs We humans tec eve most of our rspvit vttua»y then translate our perception of what we see into words which are subject to sende and receiver errors The article win look of causes of breakdowns m communi cation A monologue as a source of commurnca t.on breakdown is different than a dialogue A monologue B when I tel my story, you ten you/ story, and neither of us hears the oth er's story We tak AT each other but not WITH each other It s ike a couple tunning toward each other with outstretched arms and passing each other on the way Mono logues leave our ntmacy ana carrig reeds unfurled Oalogue commurvcates true presence Vou see me Your eyes see more than my !ps moving Vou see my facial expressions my body language, you re aware of the torse of my voice fluency of spoken wotas and the distance between us Non-judg mental kstenrsg and honesty are a&o as pects of dialogue With rson-judgmenta us terkng, you try to capture as much as poss* bie of the meanng of the message being sent without trying to calculate a response or getting hooked mto a debate Honesty means sharing yourself so that l know who you ore Another block to communication is the failure to express red feelings, non-asser' ve '■■oss Assert veness sometimes is equated win aggressiveness which cor. eod to re wf'once to s’a’e you< needs Assertiveness 0 "<-'s *,om aggression in that w;th asse'f.ve 'css you state you» needs and you keep the res of communrcatioo open for e* omp«e an agg»essve remark wcxJd be to snout at your roommates to Shut up You 'o nosy1 versus an assertive response l can t hear tne 'eepnone Coud you pease be qsjet? The first response s nos • le while the second response is respectful Beyrg assertive means when we say yes we mean yes" if we discount out feeing* as unimportant, things get potted up fo>de arid con make us sick Seemg the world m absolutes b'ocks our communication for example rigid state ments such os "She'll neve' change or You can t trust a poificion imrts the way we view tne world sets us up fa debate ond con cause people to move away smce there 3 no use taking to him " Playing games n communication can be frustrating, energy consuming and ulti mately. everyone loses The setup fa a game begns when someone offers a mes sage that naes the true meaning a cbm a loaaea question such as Where ore you gong iomorrowr when the person really mearn "I wont us to go hiking tomorrow The gome gains momentum when trie oth er peisai takes the bait it reaches a cima* when the initiator switches into o "poor pfy 1 roie a becomes beitgerent The best rqe n staying out of game praying s to em pty ten the truth Effective communcafion involves Deng vulnerable which may connote weakness yet. it s where we are being vulnerable we are generally our strongest While we can not communicate ike dolphins, we can master the art and skit of communication with practice The rewards are wen worth the effort Reaching inwad to find out who we ore by puttng as.de defense mechon isms ana puking off ai Those masxs aiiows us ?o enter the richness of mtmacy f ASSERTIVE BILL OF RIGHTS y * Set your own goals and make you own decisions ) * Be treated with respect ‘ Hove and express your own opinions and feelings ' Sdy ' no'' to requests * Ask for wrtxjt you want * Make mist ok es * Ask for help or emotional support * Use the ocMce of others as you see fit * Change your mind * lake time to slow down and think f • Assertiveness basicolty means the ability to state your needs and stil keep the lines of communication open | with another person Do you actually exercise these rights0 if you don't exercise these rights then you realty . , don't have them ., CONTACT I believe The greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them, heard by them, to be understood and touched by them. The greatest gift I can give is to see, hear, understand and to touch another person. When this is done I feel Contact has been made by Virginia Satir UNMASKING THOUGHTS TO FIND FEELINGS leoimgs whether frightening or wondorfui, are probaPy the most mistreated end msundorstood ghs wo have os human beings Wo run from thorn, drug thorn, mimmtfo thorn, judge thorn ciitici/o thorn and repress thorn And yet o life tuny Irvod a Irvod fun of 'oolings One of 'ho mistaken idontitios that feelings havo taken on is tha1 of being a thought — a feeing s not a thought Thoughts originate in tho grey matter of the cotoOral code* which is the surfaco of tho Pam foetmgs or ginato n the ImPc sys'om po< tion of tho Dram When a porson says "I fool thot decision ihcnid Do repealed that is not a feeing docous© ropoaiod is not a fooing repealed is an opnion Angor joy sad noss four to name a few classify as feotmgs Wo havo feelings Doforo wo have thoughts Dat in a fraction of a socond our co 'Otvctl cotton protests our feeling* until our thoughts super im pose themselves on our footings A second mistaken identity is that certain foolmgs aro good and others aro Dad toolings aro not good or Dad . fhoy just aro Most of us learned certain emotions were OK , whtio ofhor ©motions wo Cour***ng Cad at 13m Srroe’ at Agate 346 3227 CntltHottn* 346 4488 24 vm! a aav Con ltd BMotuton U ot 0 Madia*on ft ogam EMU 3)8 346-4240 fttyvcd A*T»#m» Studart Hadm Can tat 3m Sf'oe' at Agc'e 346 4441 H*cJth Infomxdlcn LDatTyW Planning logjam Student >ieatti Centoi 346 4466 Rnanckd Concern* Oftc* of 5hx3«n( Rnancid Aid 260 Oegon Hod 346 322! Job location and Development '.6!! AgcroS!'GOt 346 32!4 Academic Concern* Oflke oi Acodemlc AcMiing and Student Service* '64 Oogon rta# 346 32'; Cceeer Planning and Wocemenl 244 >wat r-tol 346 3236 Center lor Acodemic learning Service* 68 PIC 346 3226