OPINION CJ / \ ^ r* I. i | ■ ■ Got them petition signin’ blues THE FINE PRINT BY PAT MALACH Here il is, two weeks into tin; term and nary a politi cal rally on campus to speak of Generally by tins time the < am pus is embroiled in rallies against this, for that or celebrat ing whatever Itut don't let the lack of overt political activism fool you The river of right-thinking lobbyists still flows strong through the KMU. They are the brave souls who, on a daily basis, far e the cold shoulder and contempt of the politic ally naive They are ... the petitioners You've seen them in the FMU Courtyard. You've seen them on your way to the lush bowl, and if you got to register, you run through .1 gauntlet ol them coining out of M,n Court The petitioners are a wiles group. They have to he. It's not enough in this get-the hell-out of-my-way world to wait for people to approach them and sign their political statements Forcing political change means going out and getting in peo ple's faces. One of the petitioners' most effective tactics is the guilt technic. The guilt technic is successful because of its sim plic ity It works on the theory that you would rather sign the damn paper than have to deal with the condescending gaze of someone who obviously fends betrayed by your lack of politi cal empathy. For those of you who are committed to never signing pe titions, there is only one de fense against the guilt technic Never make; eye contact. Once you have made eye contact with the person the game is over. liven the most stalwart of petition avoiders will have a difficult time saying no to the desperate-looking activist. Take the case of Marvin, an innocent freshman heading into the Fishbowl for a vegie bagel Marvin makes eye contact with a deceptively passive-looking petitioner. "Are you a registered Oregon voter?” "Yes.” “Have you signed the pi-ti iion against skinning [nippies alive and then dropping them from PLC?” “No 1 haven't." "Then you favor skinning puppies alive and dropping them from PLC." "Well, not exactly "Line 2r> please Thank uni and have a good day Let's review Marvin's road to ruin. He broke the first rule by m.iking eye contact and set himself up for the guilt ploy. ()t course, there are other options Marvin (.mid have used first of all, lie, lie, lie For example: “Are you a registered Oregon voter?" "No!" They are the brave souls who, on a daily basis, face the cold shoulder and contempt of the politically naive. They are ... the petitioners. Generally, this response would get him off the hook Hut what if the petitioner throws Marvin a slider "Well, you're in luck You just need to be a student here to sign this one." Now what should Marvin do? Simple, lie again. "Well golly, I've already signed that petition ." Again, this would normally end the petitioner's pursuit of your affirmation Unless, of course, you're facing one of the petitioner pros. These people have heard them all and are not put off so easily I o suet essful iy dodge becoming a victim you must be vigilant and pre pared "You didn't sign this. I'm the only one collecting signatures and 1 would have remembered you." The key here is to being able to think fast on your feet "Well a friend of mine who is not a student wanted to sign the petition and couldn't so she signed my name instead.'' Once the lying tactic begins lo snowball an,I the lilts am >;<■: ting lugger and more far fetched, revert to an old stand by "Look at the time we've wasted talking about this I'm late for class, sorry " II you have some kind of sick aversion to lying, there are al ways thi’ avoid at all cost tac tics employed by some of the more experienced upper classmen The first of these tactic s is the timing technic This in volves three hasit steps, bust, you have to spot the petitioner right away Second, make sure you are in a crowd of people and you're not going to pass the petitioner alone And third, time it so that at least two other people go past the petitioner before you (in. While the petitioner is occu pied b\ "No, I'm not regis tered," and ‘Wes, I have signed that," you slip by unscathed Naturally, if there are several petitioners you must adjust your timing pattern. The examples provided here merely skim the surface of pos sibilities for skirting petition collectors. There are infinite possibilities lust use your Imagination 1 would like to note howev er, that sometimes signing the rare petition can he fun. and not just for the novelty of the experi ence either. Now this is unlike ly to happen, hut suppose the (Jregon Citizens Alliance comes to campus with one of its right wing hate petitions Definitely don't ignore this one If an OCA petitioner asks for your signature you should glad ly oblige the person. But don't sign your name Sign j T Ossenpepper. or Half Overstreet or anything else you can think of. .Simply not signing the peti tion would he too easy. Use your imagination and sign a lake name. Let the OCA waste its time and energy trying to verify names like Marvin A Fullinlino. I‘ut M.ihuh is managing edi tor of tho Emerald DPF Posters 1TB I TIiTTiri^P! r'«r Rmr Kfl I Lazar's Bazar Rock and Roll headquarters 57 W Broddwav • 687 0139 • 957 Willamette St • 342 1789 Both locations in the Downtown Mall Oregon West fitness 1475 lKANKMN HI,VI). 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